Dons_1988 Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 I used to break down watching the news. I’d see so many people in genuinely awful circumstances and start battering myself for being miserable when in reality nothing was “actually” wrong with my life. It’s pretty normal for anyone suffering to have those moments of crying. It’s a natural body function and it helps. You probably don’t realise it’s just a build up of emotion that has erupted at an unexpected moment. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Moomintroll Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Been there, mate. In the past and still happens occasionally. It's not just you. I'm happy to take a DM any time and so are loads of others on this thread. Can only echo this, my advice will be shite but happy to listen anytime someone needs it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted December 11, 2019 Share Posted December 11, 2019 Starting to think that there’s a way out of this, I can envisage myself doing things. With work I need to just realise that there’s a small group who I won’t get on with. As someone said on here you will always get arseholes. They probably think I’m an arsehole too. What matters is what they do officially and it’s all been good or excellent when it mattered. I can’t control what others think but I can control how I think. I watched a joe rogan interview with someone who was miserable and is now transformed. Self help sounds a bit hit or miss but he mentioned a few good things about turning almost everything around into a positive and practising meditation as a constant mindset. Yes some things are terrible but they’re a learning experience. What I’ve been doing for nearly two decades is caring about other people externalising their faults or problems. Giving a f**k about the important stuff and giving your best to everything and ignoring the toxic stuff is the way forward. It might take months or years but I’m going to try it. I’m also reading the Goggins book and the accountability thing sounds good. I used to write down a weekly plan every Sunday and would try to follow, I felt a lot calmer and less stressed when I did it. It’s all about interpretation and how you see things, I need to stop focusing on the worst aspects and letting it destroy my mind and worth. Ive literally been living scared and shutdown for so long for no reason. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 So I'm back today in Scotland first time since my dad's funeral last year.So nervous about it though. Going to go to the crem gardens where I scattered them both (that's fucking weird to see written down) and I hope it helps with the random dreams I have where theyre alive and I get confused, then upset when I wake.Good thing is seeing most of my pals Saturday with the missus, and a Stephens bridie. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosser-fae-the-shire Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Scattered my dad’s ashes today and I’m a complete fuckin mess. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweeperDee Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 (edited) 3 hours ago, Dosser-fae-the-shire said: Scattered my dad’s ashes today and I’m a complete fuckin mess. Understandable bud. There’s no correct way in dealing with the aftermath of a parents’ passing. There’s no set time on how long you grieve. It may sound cliche, but just try and surround yourself with friends and family; reminisce about your old man. On the flip side, you don’t need to do any of that; if you need space from everyone, if you need to cry, shout or scream, go for it. You’d have to have a heart of stone to judge someone for mourning the death of someone they care about. Do what you feel is correct. Edited December 13, 2019 by SweeperDee 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nutz_the_Squirrel Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 On 11/12/2019 at 22:53, D.A.F.C said: It’s all about interpretation and how you see things, I need to stop focusing on the worst aspects and letting it destroy my mind and worth. This could be a dictionary definition of CBT. Well done sir. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 So I'm back today in Scotland first time since my dad's funeral last year.So nervous about it though. Going to go to the crem gardens where I scattered them both (that's fucking weird to see written down) and I hope it helps with the random dreams I have where theyre alive and I get confused, then upset when I wake.Good thing is seeing most of my pals Saturday with the missus, and a Stephens bridie. Through to Dundee game ? If so eh am out in town tomorrow. Yasss 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Through to Dundee game ? If so eh am out in town tomorrow. YasssAt 24 a pop? Am a f**k! Beering in the kingdom! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 But cheers for the offer lad, appreciate it. Hope we pump ye. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 But cheers for the offer lad, appreciate it. Hope we pump ye. Yeah but what about the football? ;-) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Yeah but what about the football? ;-)Paul Paton to smash up Dens single handedly. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dosser-fae-the-shire Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Understandable bud. There’s no correct way in dealing with the aftermath of a parents’ passing. There’s no set time on how long you grieve. It may sound cliche, but just try and surround yourself with friends and family; reminisce about your old man. On the flip side, you don’t need to do any of that; if you need space from everyone, if you need to cry, shout or scream, go for it. You’d have to have a heart of stone to judge someone for mourning the death of someone they care about. Do what you feel is correct. Cheers. Don’t know how to deal with this. Never felt so low 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin.Hood Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Paul Paton to smash up Dens single handedly. Eh will knock you out dickhead.Enjoy being home 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Made the total schoolboy error of scattering my mums and stepdads ashes in the grounds of their property and adjoining riverbank. House has since been sold so I now have no access to pay my respects on important, personal dates. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JTS98 Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 6 hours ago, supermik said: Made the total schoolboy error of scattering my mums and stepdads ashes in the grounds of their property and adjoining riverbank. House has since been sold so I now have no access to pay my respects on important, personal dates. Tricky one. I know it might feel like a poor substitute, but is there somewhere you could go that you used to enjoy going with them? Maybe a park you went to as a kid, or a restaurant or cafe? Somewhere for a walk? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Regards ashes, when Mrs. RN#2 died I followed her spoken, unwritten request and they went in the Forth at South Queensferry.Mrs RN#3 died there was a family plot in a cemetery here so that’s where her ashes went. Other than some to make some really nice and non creepy jewelery for her daughters.I’m unlikely to be back in Scotland anytime soon to be able to visit graves there for parents/brother but I’ve never felt a huge need.Maybe it’s me but I’m not going to fret over having somewhere tangible to “pay my respect” I think as long as I do remember them then that’s what counts 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 On 13/12/2019 at 06:20, Stellaboz said: So I'm back today in Scotland first time since my dad's funeral last year. So nervous about it though. Going to go to the crem gardens where I scattered them both (that's fucking weird to see written down) and I hope it helps with the random dreams I have where theyre alive and I get confused, then upset when I wake. Good thing is seeing most of my pals Saturday with the missus, and a Stephens bridie. Welcome back hame, Stellaboz. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Genuine best wishes to all those who have been brave enough to post on this thread with their very personal and otherwise private issues. Hope that by sharing what's going on has helped to relieve any pressures and darkness in their lives. I see from the many responses that there's a lot of good guys on here who have been offering sound and positive advice or suggestions. Hope these have been taken on board by those who have felt the anguish the most. There are lots of ways to kick start things when you feel the doors are all closed and loneliness in particular is the bugger that's holding you back or dragging you down. Always remember, yer neebs are here on P & B. To add a lighter note for the good people on P & B, here's a light-hearted best wishes for what's left of the year and hope that 2020 is a lot better for those who have struggled through 2019. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted December 14, 2019 Share Posted December 14, 2019 Welcome back hame, Stellaboz.Cheers.Ended up going to the site where they "are" and spilling out my heart over a lot of stuff. Think it's helped and already feel better for it.I never had time to myself to do this and I think I can finally accept and move on properly. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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