Depression

[buchan30]

It’s bad, but for years I’ve hated this time of year. Expense, hassle, stress.

Try not to be too hard on the kids but at the same time, don’t let them away with murder. Use this thread to vent as and when you need. I’ve had the issue for a long time of feeling that while nothing is wrong really, then compounding that with feeling guilty because “I’ve no problems really”. It’s bullshit, while there’s obviously much worse scenarios in the world it doesn’t mean that your problems, stresses, worries aren’t valid. I’m sure the kids and Mrs B still love you, even if you’re crabbit sometimes. Make sure you tell them you love them as well, and apologise now and again if you think you probably should [emoji4]

 

You know what, think that top line is where i am maybe falling down and need to work on finding the balance between the two.

Definitely. Have felt like this for a wee while and been tempted to put it all down here and then read this thread and thought it seems trivial.

I do tend to apologise if i do over react a bit, then hate myself for doing so (over reacting, not apologising).

[NJ2]

 
You know what, think that top line is where i am maybe falling down and need to work on finding the balance between the two.
Definitely. Have felt like this for a wee while and been tempted to put it all down here and then read this thread and thought it seems trivial.
I do tend to apologise if i do over react a bit, then hate myself for doing so (over reacting, not apologising).

The best of luck with that. This year I’m coping okay so far, managed to get a list together of Christmas presents required and ordered them all. Just to hope they turn up in time and I’ve not fucked it.
It might seem trivial compared to other folks issues but with the best will in the world, their problems don’t affect you like yours do.
We all overreact sometimes, at least you’re apologising when / if you do - can’t say fairer than that. Try not to be too hard on yourself as well, something else I really struggle with - if I treated people the way I treat myself with my inner monologue I’d be surprised if anyone spoke to me ever again.

[RH33]

See being at loggerheads as a positive. Means you’re a parent who cares and has expectations and standards you’re trying impart on them. They’ll thank you eventually! 
 

I too hate this time of year. 

[buchan30]

The best of luck with that. This year I’m coping okay so far, managed to get a list together of Christmas presents required and ordered them all. Just to hope they turn up in time and I’ve not fucked it.

Try not to be too hard on yourself as well, something else I really struggle with - if I treated people the way I treat myself with my inner monologue I’d be surprised if anyone spoke to me ever again.

Thats the worst thing about getting Christmas stuff sorted, the hope it will be here in time. The delivery companies work round the clock at this time, but it is an anxious wait.

I have never thought of it like that. And it might be a way for me to think going forward as well. I am now glad i posted in here, Cheers.

[NJ2]

Thats the worst thing about getting Christmas stuff sorted, the hope it will be here in time. The delivery companies work round the clock at this time, but it is an anxious wait.

I have never thought of it like that. And it might be a way for me to think going forward as well. I am now glad i posted in here, Cheers.

Present for my nephew is due between 13-27th Dec. Can almost guarantee it’ll be 27th but ah well.
Not at all, that’s what the thread is here for!

[The_Kincardine]

54 minutes ago, buchan30 said:

This may a sound a bit yer da, but I didn’t know where else to turn with this. I have a mate who, if i told all this to, would tell his missus, who in turn would tell mine. The kids are 10 and 12 and i an finding them quite stressful. Feel like i am not doing much right with them, feel like i am constantly at loggerheads with them about tidying after themselves. And then when it’s starting to get to me, mrs b just says that i am crabbit and need to lighten up.
 

I got divorced when my three were 8, 9 and 11 and having them 3 days a week on my own was so much better than having them 7x24 with their maw.  I'm not advocating divorce but you know that you and your two wee yins can have a good relationship except you allow shit like tidying their rooms take over from having a laugh with them.  Let's be honest, none of us like to be nagged about the daily grind.

Weans of 10 and 12 can be enormously entertaining and brilliant company. So either ditch the wife or ditch the 'clean up your shit' Yer Da patter.  Either would be acceptable.

[buchan30]

Present for my nephew is due between 13-27th Dec. Can almost guarantee it’ll be 27th but ah well.
Not at all, that’s what the thread is here for!

for your nephews present.
Thanks, as i say was a bit apprehensive about posting, but sometimes you just need a different voice and perspective on things.

[welshbairn]

6 minutes ago, The_Kincardine said:

I got divorced when my three were 8, 9 and 11 and having them 3 days a week on my own was so much better than having them 7x24 with their maw.  I'm not advocating divorce but you know that you and your two wee yins can have a good relationship except you allow shit like tidying their rooms take over from having a laugh with them.  Let's be honest, none of us like to be nagged about the daily grind.

Weans of 10 and 12 can be enormously entertaining and brilliant company. So either ditch the wife or ditch the 'clean up your shit' Yer Da patter.  Either would be acceptable.

That's the way, spoil them rotten and let them do what they like, then send them back to the ex to try to get some discipline back to make her life tolerable.

[The_Kincardine]

Just now, welshbairn said:

That's the way, spoil them rotten and let them do what they like, then send them back to the ex to try to get some discipline back to make her life tolerable.

Aye because I am so very obviously a libertine.

The point is clear:  Weans of @buchan30are always good fun but parents quash that joy by focusing on domestic trivia.  As long as they know how to use a knife and fork properly then lighten up.

A meringue?

[Dosser-fae-the-shire]

Not sure why I’m sharing this and if anyone in here knows me in real life I’d appreciate if you keep this to yourself. My old man was diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of years ago. He passed away a couple of weeks ago and it’s hit me really hard. Just feel numb all the time and having terrifying dreams. I’m trying to stay strong for the family but I’m in bits most nights. Don’t really know what I’m expecting folk to say but just needed to vent. Don’t even know if this is the right thread.

[Priti priti priti Patel]

@buchan30 I don't have kids but honestly we all end up having silly arguments and feeling drained and looking at the couples around us. To be honest with you, I am probably a person other people look at and think my relationship is grand. From the outside, I'm a lawyer and she's a professional classical singer so we're setup well financially, no kids whereas all my siblings were knocked up by 21, and we're always talking about each other and happy etc. But truthfully we have huge struggles and sometimes I don't even know if we're a good match. I need more tlc than I've been comfortable telling her. She carries a lot of stress from her job. I'm more sensitive than average and get upset by silly things. She wants me to appease her dad and I think he's a huge c**t. Etc etc etc. When it got real bad we actually went to counselling. I'm just too embarrassed to even tell my best mates that it's not a perfect situation all the time. That's not to say it is not amazing sometimes but just it's not always that way. The only way it would be easy is if you were with someone just like you experiencing exactly the same things as you all the time. That's impossible. So there will be friction, it's inevitable. Counselling was a huge help for us. We only went to one session but it was so helpful in expressing what you're feeling and understanding the other person. So much so that even during the good times we still say we should go back when we have the money. Maybe something like that would help you and Mrs B?

[buchan30]

Not sure why I’m sharing this and if anyone in here knows me in real life I’d appreciate if you keep this to yourself. My old man was diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of years ago. He passed away a couple of weeks ago and it’s hit me really hard. Just feel numb all the time and having terrifying dreams. I’m trying to stay strong for the family but I’m in bits most nights. Don’t really know what I’m expecting folk to say but just needed to vent. Don’t even know if this is the right thread.

Sorry to hear that. Doesn’t matter how long it is between diagnosis and death, it still can be a shock to the system. I lost my mum a few years back and done the same thing as you, tried to stay strong for the family but it can be counter productive. You need time to grieve which is natural.

[NJ2]

Not sure why I’m sharing this and if anyone in here knows me in real life I’d appreciate if you keep this to yourself. My old man was diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of years ago. He passed away a couple of weeks ago and it’s hit me really hard. Just feel numb all the time and having terrifying dreams. I’m trying to stay strong for the family but I’m in bits most nights. Don’t really know what I’m expecting folk to say but just needed to vent. Don’t even know if this is the right thread.

Very much the right thread, or I think so anyway. More of a mental health appreciation thread, and there’s a f**k load more your mental health than depression.
Completely understandable it’s hit you hard, it will. Don’t be afraid to grieve, don’t be afraid to let people support you for a change. Support others as best you can but make sure someone has you as well - us here if you need / want. Probably something nearly everyone here has experienced as well, losing someone. It’ll be tough, but you’ll get through it and do your old man proud.

[NJ2]

[mention=47369]buchan30[/mention] I don't have kids but honestly we all end up having silly arguments and feeling drained and looking at the couples around us. To be honest with you, I am probably a person other people look at and think my relationship is grand. From the outside, I'm a lawyer and she's a professional classical singer so we're setup well financially, no kids whereas all my siblings were knocked up by 21, and we're always talking about each other and happy etc. But truthfully we have huge struggles and sometimes I don't even know if we're a good match. I need more tlc than I've been comfortable telling her. She carries a lot of stress from her job. I'm more sensitive than average and get upset by silly things. She wants me to appease her dad and I think he's a huge c**t. Etc etc etc. When it got real bad we actually went to counselling. I'm just too embarrassed to even tell my best mates that it's not a perfect situation all the time. That's not to say it is not amazing sometimes but just it's not always that way. The only way it would be easy is if you were with someone just like you experiencing exactly the same things as you all the time. That's impossible. So there will be friction, it's inevitable. Counselling was a huge help for us. We only went to one session but it was so helpful in expressing what you're feeling and understanding the other person. So much so that even during the good times we still say we should go back when we have the money. Maybe something like that would help you and Mrs B?

It’s a brave step to admit you need help and well done you both on taking it, also really glad it helped. It’s not going to be wonderful the whole time, unfortunately that’s not how 99% relationships work. Enjoy when it’s good and I hope there’s more good than bad.

[D.A.F.C]

I know it’s not anyone on here but the lack of empathy and understanding for David Cox is shocking. Fellow professional players acting like that.

The SFA doing SFA as usual.

[heedthebaa]

1 hour ago, Dosser-fae-the-shire said:

Not sure why I’m sharing this and if anyone in here knows me in real life I’d appreciate if you keep this to yourself. My old man was diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of years ago. He passed away a couple of weeks ago and it’s hit me really hard. Just feel numb all the time and having terrifying dreams. I’m trying to stay strong for the family but I’m in bits most nights. Don’t really know what I’m expecting folk to say but just needed to vent. Don’t even know if this is the right thread.

My dad passed nearly 3 weeks ago, after failing for over a year. I thought I’d have it under control when the time came, 82, good innings etc but I’m broke by it. As you say the numbness and dreams, the emptiness and helplessness which has got worse since the funeral. I’m also proud though, the way we all dealt with his passing, especially in his last weeks and days as a family. You stay strong bud

[buchan30]

[mention=47369]buchan30[/mention] I don't have kids but honestly we all end up having silly arguments and feeling drained and looking at the couples around us.
Counselling was a huge help for us. Maybe something like that would help you and Mrs B?

I don’t think we are at that stage, we usually manage to talk things through. Think sometimes you feel like you are alone going through these stresses. Having this thread and the helpful input from others has made me realise that we aren’t the only ones, there is hope and maybe things aren’t as bad as they sometimes seem. And i thank everyone that has replied. Think tonight i was just at a point where i needed different input, rather than the thoughts going around my head.

[RandomGuy.]

2 hours ago, Dosser-fae-the-shire said:

Not sure why I’m sharing this and if anyone in here knows me in real life I’d appreciate if you keep this to yourself. My old man was diagnosed with terminal cancer a couple of years ago. He passed away a couple of weeks ago and it’s hit me really hard. Just feel numb all the time and having terrifying dreams. I’m trying to stay strong for the family but I’m in bits most nights. Don’t really know what I’m expecting folk to say but just needed to vent. Don’t even know if this is the right thread.

Its hard, always will be I think, just have to keep going with your normal life.

Obviously different as its your dad, but my gran passed over a year ago now, she had a battle with cancer too, getting the all clear at one point before it came back within a few months. I'd seen her almost every day from the first day I can remember to around 19 when I started going out far too much and spent weekends hungover instead of at her house with my family. At totally random intervals I think about her and just breakdown. Went away for a mates birthday this week, over to Loch Lomond, it's my wedding next year so we were listening to music the whole way to choose songs, all I could think about was which were her favourites and what she'd have liked, ended up randomly thinking about how much I missed her constantly. On the way home stopped at a shop and on the way out see a DVD of her favourite show, is that a sign or just a total coincidence?

I'm going to be an absolute wreck at the wedding as I know she'd have been buzzing to be there, and proud as punch. 

It's hard to get over that and I'm not sure it's something most people will ever really get over tbh, and absolutely nobody will ever truly expect you to completely get over it. I know that my entire family have all been fairly open that they all struggle with it regularly still too, literally seems like theres nothing you can really do if someone as close to you as that leaves.

Dunno if that helps at all, sorry if it doesnt.

Edited December 6, 2019 by RandomGuy.

[101]

2 hours ago, D.A.F.C said:

I know it’s not anyone on here but the lack of empathy and understanding for David Cox is shocking. Fellow professional players acting like that.

The SFA doing SFA as usual.

The PFA lack any form of competency here, they should be clamping down of members attacking other members regarding mental health

[Priti priti priti Patel]

45 minutes ago, buchan30 said:

 

I don’t think we are at that stage, we usually manage to talk things through. Think sometimes you feel like you are alone going through these stresses. Having this thread and the helpful input from others has made me realise that we aren’t the only ones, there is hope and maybe things aren’t as bad as they sometimes seem. And i thank everyone that has replied. Think tonight i was just at a point where i needed different input, rather than the thoughts going around my head.

Fair enough, my other half is American so she has the view of counselling as something everyone does, just a third person in the room to help the conversation, rather than the way people in the UK see it, as something you only do when you're really broken. For us, one counselling session was enough to undo a lot of things we were having to talk through again and again. Like, for example, me feeling a bit limited because she was sometimes a bit negative about doing new things, and her explaining that was a reaction to stuff in her childhood. Normally that would have kept coming up - me suggesting something, her saying no, then we'd talk it through - but we would never realise there were things beneath the surface. The counsellor was just there to say "tell Maggie Thatcher why you feel that way" etc. It defo helped, even if we weren't at a bad stage, and it sounds like it could help you express to your Mrs how drained you sometimes feel by the kids and your need for a bit of support and tenderness, etc. Give it some consideration. The American approach to counselling is definitely healthier in my opinion (and there's not many American things I do think are better!) ...

Edited December 6, 2019 by Margaret Thatcher