Depression

[parsforlife]

I broke down crying this morning after having more dreams involving my dad dying. I'm beginning to find that I really feel horrible not being there when he died, despite trying like f**k to help for months.

I think I'm feeling better for getting it out my system and talking to my gf again about it, but i know it won't be the last time I'm like this, as it's not even a year since he died.

It's also a vicious circle because my mum deserved a much better quality of life and my thoughts have always been consumed with mixed feelings over my dad, but I've nothing but love for her and I feel she's at peace.

Grief is a fucking c**t. Don’t try to justify or explain it, it doesn’t work in my experience, it will just hit you whenever it wants, no need to feel guilt over how you feel at any particular time, it’s too unexplainable to rationalize.

FWIW I was by my mums bedside when she died and it was an experience I’d have rather not have gone through, I’d take a phone call saying she was dead in a second but when I take a step back i doubt it would make a difference, as said griefs c**t and will be regardless of the specifics.

[DAFC.]

Hey guys, just dropping in to leave a wee comment. I posted back in October last year about my anxiety and depression. I have been on different anti-depressants since and took time off work however returned after a couple months feeling so much better.

 

Recently, however, I have been struggling with crippling anxiety. I am unsure where it has came from. There was one night where I couldn’t sleep last week and ever since I have been struggling to sleep and stressing constant about nothing. I can’t take my mind off it. I went to Amsterdam as well during the week as this was a pre-planned holiday and didn’t enjoy myself one bit. I return to work tomorrow and the idea of driving, going out etc is seriously bothering me. Going to get an appointment tomorrow sharpish to see what’s going on. Has anyone else experienced this? I am on Venlafaxine if that helps. Just struggling to keep my mind focussed on anything but stress and the anxiety. Tried meditation, long walks, mindfulness etc this past week and nothing seems to be helping. Speaking about it to family and friends only goes so far, although I haven’t been bottling it up as I did with my depression back when I was originally diagnosed.

 

[Guest JTS98]

2 hours ago, DAFC. said:

Hey guys, just dropping in to leave a wee comment. I posted back in October last year about my anxiety and depression. I have been on different anti-depressants since and took time off work however returned after a couple months feeling so much better.

 

Recently, however, I have been struggling with crippling anxiety. I am unsure where it has came from. There was one night where I couldn’t sleep last week and ever since I have been struggling to sleep and stressing constant about nothing. I can’t take my mind off it. I went to Amsterdam as well during the week as this was a pre-planned holiday and didn’t enjoy myself one bit. I return to work tomorrow and the idea of driving, going out etc is seriously bothering me. Going to get an appointment tomorrow sharpish to see what’s going on. Has anyone else experienced this? I am on Venlafaxine if that helps. Just struggling to keep my mind focussed on anything but stress and the anxiety. Tried meditation, long walks, mindfulness etc this past week and nothing seems to be helping. Speaking about it to family and friends only goes so far, although I haven’t been bottling it up as I did with my depression back when I was originally diagnosed.

 

Know this one well.

When I get this badly I try to turn the day into a series of little challenges. Like the football cliche of 'one day at a time', take the bad days as one task at a time and give yourself a pat on the back for ticking them off.

Out of bed. Well done. Had a shower. Well done. Drove to work. Well done.

Just keep ticking them off and then soon you'll be through it.

Give it a try.

[RawB93]

Know this one well.
When I get this badly I try to turn the day into a series of little challenges. Like the football cliche of 'one day at a time', take the bad days as one task at a time and give yourself a pat on the back for ticking them off.
Out of bed. Well done. Had a shower. Well done. Drove to work. Well done.
Just keep ticking them off and then soon you'll be through it.
Give it a try.

This is good advice.
For far too long I was reluctant to give myself praise for doing things that ‘ordinary’ people do all the time. But if you’re going to dedicate so much thinking time to all the bad things that have happened or that may happen, then it’s only fair some time should be reserved for the good that happens too.
Try keeping a thought journal. Try listing things you’re grateful for and that you’re proud you are doing/have done. Get into the habit of seeking out the good and thinking more positively about yourself.



Unsure if I’ve actually shared much personally in here but I find the stories of folk doing well empowering so I’ll go for it.
This time last year I lost my girlfriend, my two closest friends to drugs and had to have plastic surgery after being attacked with a knife. All whilst battling a Valium addiction, with the withdrawals sending me to Carseview as I was suicidal.
Very happy to say that now after several years of being signed off work, I am back working part time and living a healthy lifestyle, totally free from drugs/medication. With my first wage I booked a holiday to Italy for my wee bro’s 16th. I didn’t think that would be possible a year ago. Can’t explain the pride I feel, which hasn’t been a familiar feeling.
Only ever go at your own pace. Don’t compare your recovery/development to anyone else. Be honest with yourself and be patient. Things will get better!
Much love to my fellow battlers x

[RH33]

6 hours ago, DAFC. said:

Hey guys, just dropping in to leave a wee comment. I posted back in October last year about my anxiety and depression. I have been on different anti-depressants since and took time off work however returned after a couple months feeling so much better.

 

Recently, however, I have been struggling with crippling anxiety. I am unsure where it has came from. There was one night where I couldn’t sleep last week and ever since I have been struggling to sleep and stressing constant about nothing. I can’t take my mind off it. I went to Amsterdam as well during the week as this was a pre-planned holiday and didn’t enjoy myself one bit. I return to work tomorrow and the idea of driving, going out etc is seriously bothering me. Going to get an appointment tomorrow sharpish to see what’s going on. Has anyone else experienced this? I am on Venlafaxine if that helps. Just struggling to keep my mind focussed on anything but stress and the anxiety. Tried meditation, long walks, mindfulness etc this past week and nothing seems to be helping. Speaking about it to family and friends only goes so far, although I haven’t been bottling it up as I did with my depression back when I was originally diagnosed.

 

I’m on the same one.  If you’ve been on the Venlafaxine a while you may need a dose increase as it may not be being as effective.

i tried a dose drop recently and it was chaos. 225mg works for me but I have been higher (think psychiatrist needs prescribe higher than 225).

[buchan30]

Indeed, they even have a geocaching activity badge. I actually made up some exclusively for them, just custom designed tupperware boxes with clues / tokens (aka poker chips) that I put out from time to time for competitive purposes.   Saves the real ones getting trashed!
FWIW (completely unrelated to the thread): we had a map activity last week and eight scouts (aged ~12-13) didn't have a clue what a steeple was (i.e. the thing on the church they were supposed to turn right at, meaning half of them got lost). FFS. 

That is scary they can get to that age and not know that.

[Robin.Hood]

Yesterday mum got admitted into carsview.
She was fine all day until about 6pm when she got in from walking the dog with my dad. Dad went out to water the plants and within 5-10 minutes mum managed to phone ( unsure who ) and within that time she managed to tell them she was suicidal. The people on phone got her n my dad to go up to carsview and they did an assessment up there and they kept her in.
Compared to last time ( 6 months ago roughly) she dosnt seem that bad , just very very negative.
I'm glad in a sense she will get the help but I'm not as didnt think she was that bad ( probably dosnt sound right ) but nobody including professionals believed she needed to be admitted until last night at carsview.

Unsure what I'm getting from this bar I wanted to type this.

[Stellaboz]

If it helps to type it out, that's good. I don't know what advice to give but I hope everything gets better

[Gaz]

Struggling a wee bit just now. Lost my gran (Dad's mum) and grandad (Dad's dad) over the past three weeks.

Very sad about it but also it just feels like another link to my Dad has gone. I miss him.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

24 minutes ago, G_Man1985 said:

Yesterday mum got admitted into carsview.
She was fine all day until about 6pm when she got in from walking the dog with my dad. Dad went out to water the plants and within 5-10 minutes mum managed to phone ( unsure who ) and within that time she managed to tell them she was suicidal. The people on phone got her n my dad to go up to carsview and they did an assessment up there and they kept her in.
Compared to last time ( 6 months ago roughly) she dosnt seem that bad , just very very negative.
I'm glad in a sense she will get the help but I'm not as didnt think she was that bad ( probably dosnt sound right ) but nobody including professionals believed she needed to be admitted until last night at carsview.

Unsure what I'm getting from this bar I wanted to type this.

If they kept her in they saw the signs tbf.

[LondonHMFC]

Not sure if this is the correct thread to pop this in, so apologies in advance. 

Feeling a bit off at the moment, not sure I would class it as being depressed, more that I'm at a cross road in life. 

Really missing home, I've lived South of the border for five years in September, and I'm now ready to up sticks and return. The issue being my partner does not want to move in the slightest. All of her friends and family are down here, she enjoys her job and has a good social life. Whereas at the moment I feel I'm just working, coming home and doing f**k all with my time. I don't have a close group of friends down here, she always says that her pals partners would like me to go out with them, but they are all Tory arseholes who like rugby and going for a cheeky drink. 

Reaching an age now where I thought I'd be buying a house and possibly having children, but I can't commit to either whilst I live here. 

Just stuck, with no real clue where to go or what to do next.

[Daydream]

Not sure if this is the correct thread to pop this in, so apologies in advance. 
Feeling a bit off at the moment, not sure I would class it as being depressed, more that I'm at a cross road in life. 
Really missing home, I've lived South of the border for five years in September, and I'm now ready to up sticks and return. The issue being my partner does not want to move in the slightest. All of her friends and family are down here, she enjoys her job and has a good social life. Whereas at the moment I feel I'm just working, coming home and doing f**k all with my time. I don't have a close group of friends down here, she always says that her pals partners would like me to go out with them, but they are all Tory arseholes who like rugby and going for a cheeky drink. 
Reaching an age now where I thought I'd be buying a house and possibly having children, but I can't commit to either whilst I live here. 
Just stuck, with no real clue where to go or what to do next.

This is an excellently written summary of a difficult situation. Maybe easier said than done but a calm, reasonable conversation with your Mrs is probably the best plan. Tell her exactly how you feel, your difficulties etc. If you’ve already done this then you have a decision to make. Head home to a new life or stay and try and integrate better. Be happy. All the best.

[NJ2]

Echo the sentiments above. Your situation was similar to one of the few reasons I stayed in Aberdeen and with how that transpired, I would only encourage you@LondonHMFC to make the decision, if need be, that’ll make you happiest. Is there anything you can involve yourself in that could widen your social circle? Go along to the local football club, junior type level if there is one? If you’re there frequently enough, I’m sure folk will start taking you on and talking to you. Just try not to make any rash decisions in the heat of the moment.

[Falkirk's 4th Stand]

A YouTuber I really liked commited suicide and I know I don't actually know him or anything I just watched his videos/streams but it's really fucked me up.

[LondonHMFC]

Many thanks @Daydream @NJ2 for the replies, really appreciated. 

I do have mates down here, but not close friends who I could have a heart to heart with if needs be. 

The situation is somewhat complicated as my partner suffers with depression and anxiety herself. In the past she has dealt with suicidal thoughts. She has such a low view of herself, I worry that if I was to go home, she might do something. Whilst I know I can't stop my own life, it does fill me with dread. 

I am going to make a point of speaking to her about it, because I can't continue living like this, it's not fair on either of us. 

 

[Credo67]

Hey guys, just dropping in to leave a wee comment. I posted back in October last year about my anxiety and depression. I have been on different anti-depressants since and took time off work however returned after a couple months feeling so much better.
 
Recently, however, I have been struggling with crippling anxiety. I am unsure where it has came from. There was one night where I couldn’t sleep last week and ever since I have been struggling to sleep and stressing constant about nothing. I can’t take my mind off it. I went to Amsterdam as well during the week as this was a pre-planned holiday and didn’t enjoy myself one bit. I return to work tomorrow and the idea of driving, going out etc is seriously bothering me. Going to get an appointment tomorrow sharpish to see what’s going on. Has anyone else experienced this? I am on Venlafaxine if that helps. Just struggling to keep my mind focussed on anything but stress and the anxiety. Tried meditation, long walks, mindfulness etc this past week and nothing seems to be helping. Speaking about it to family and friends only goes so far, although I haven’t been bottling it up as I did with my depression back when I was originally diagnosed.
 

Hi DAFC, what helps me now after years is what I call the "suck it up big man" when the anxiety starts and the heart feels like it's gonna f**k ing burst and the sweats and fear then the anger at myself for "being" like this, who will I meet ? will I have to speak to them ? will they notice ? and I'm only going to the shops for roll's and a paper. I take 10 deep slow breaths shut my eyes and think of something I love, it can be a person, animal or an old bike I built, anything at all that takes you to a better place, when you find it then let IT TELL YOU to breathe deep and suck up that goodness and happy thoughts about what you ARE NOW THINKING of and whatever you are feeling anxious about is nothing to be scared off , nothing is going to happen , the world will still spin and you will get 30 seconds of superman powers, you WILL take a step forward and do what you want to do, its the first step that's the hardest because after that the realisation comes you just did what you were having anxiety about and it takes less than 30 seconds to take a single step [emoji106] all the best m9

[Guest bernardblack]

Anxiety is absolutely terrible and had some horrible spells of it myself. Agreed with the previous posts about breaking stuff down into small pieces, as soon as the anxiety kicks in for me my mind goes a million miles an hour and has me worrying about things out of my control that probably won’t even happen.....extremely difficult to get out of that mind frame for me.

Not for everyone but running has helped me massively. Being in control of that, getting out and only thinking about getting to the next lamp post or the next car etc helps me.

Telling Mrs BB about it also took a load off as she was always replying with “oh don’t be daft” or “what you worrying about that for?” but once I’d told her how bad it was it kind of clicked for her too.

[DAFC.]

As time has went on, I've slowly started to feel better. The only thing I would say is that I'm not in the mood for doing things I normally love to do e.g. going to the gym, grab a couple beers at the weekend, go to football etc. 

I'm still struggling to get a good night's rest but the constant anxiety seems to have reduced as I believe I can control it better now. Got an appointment with the docs tomorrow though as still concerned with these feelings as the depression seems to be creeping back again as well, which is really not good. 

[Spam_Valley]

Lads,
Not sure if this is the thread to mention/ask this in but not sure where I’m at right now tbh…
Do any of you ever feel as if you cannot get clear headed no matter how much ‘rest’ you give yourself etc? I cannot remember the last time I woke up clear minded and ready to get on with the day. I no longer wake up and get excited about heading to the football or out with the missus.. I still go but I can’t remember the last time I was excited about anything coming up.
I used the analogy the other day of wishing my head had a tap that I could turn on to empty it and go again. Bit of a stupid turn of phrase but I don’t know how else to describe it.
Every morning I wake up and my head feels full? and I’m constantly exhausted. Sometimes it’s a real challenge to get up in the morning – purely from an exhaustion point.
I don’t think it’s a depression issue as day – to – day I’m generally OK. Sometimes get down/moody but don’t we all…
The other annoying thing is, due to feeling exhausted all the time and head all over the place, I now no longer have any motivation or feeling to go to the gym or play 5’s. Quite happy coming home from work, shower, changed and in front of the TV or boozer.

Basically, I can’t figure out if such is life or I’m facing an issue that can be corrected/helped.

Cheers lads. Not sure if the above makes any sense what so ever but it made sense to me...

[Credo67]

Don't obviously know how long you have been fighting the dark side, being not in the mood is one of the major fuckers and like has been said before, f**k getting up that's not a point.. shower, brushing teeth, walk the fucking dog ffs, etc etc I am certainty a lot more functional than I was 8 years ago but I'm positive that it does help to talk as long as it's the right person, to this day my wife is so wrong but in a loving huggable way but so wrong to what I need but hey ho, friends are all home, sons now have there own families, so it has been a long lonesome while, met new friends and take my instructions from my happy mind not the dark side, after 8 years I know I'm fuckin winning, yip long way to go but not been picked up by an ambulance after getting cut down from a tree for a while so I'm on the uppity up, 6 years, maybe we should have like an alcoholic button, 1 week sober etc, think it's defo in the talking and sharing, anytime m9's