Depression

[Raidernation]

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

[Bert Raccoon]

9 minutes ago, Raidernation said:

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

Hope you get the help you need.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

18 minutes ago, Raidernation said:

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

Good luck m9.

[NJ2]

No harm in that, Raider. Hopefully get the support you need. Keep us updated mate.

[heedthebaa]

2 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

All the best RN 

[Dons_1988]

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

All the best mate. Seems a positive decision.

[Guest Moomintroll]

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

Good luck RN, you've beat it before & you will do again.

[welshbairn]

2 minutes ago, Moomintroll said:

6 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

Good luck RN, you've beat it before & you will do again.

Is that a new therapy technique? Chill out RN and hope you feel better soon.

[Herman Hessian]

6 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

it's a sign of strength that you can take on board when you 're maybe better turning to other people - self determination, self awareness, making the move at your own volition -  good on ya 

[BoydiesBelly]

I've had a shite few years, culminating in making some pretty poor choices that really impacted on myself and more importantly others. Feeling like I had to lie to people about how I was feeling and that just spread like wildfire into other aspects of my life. Ended up being given a years supervision and that has helped push me up the list with counselling and other MH support which is helping address the issues from my past that made me do some of the things I did. The best thing I've done though is delete all my social media whilst I tried to piece my head back together because it can be a pretty unforgiving place at times, so using P&B is my first tentative steps back into the big bad world of the internet now things are starting to look up.

I used to come on here and read about others battles and even though I didn't post a lot of the stories and advice really helped make me feel less alone at the times I was feeling bleakest, so I wanted to say thank you and put a bit of my story out there too. 

Cheers.

[oldbitterandgrumpy]

On 4/13/2019 at 06:05, Melanius Mullarkey said:

I fear that apostrophe may tip some folk over the edge.

Was that a cheap laugh?

Serious question. 

[Guest Moomintroll]

Is that a new therapy technique? Chill out RN and hope you feel better soon.

I should have thought about thst way before now.

[Guest Moomintroll]

Struggling to cope so I’m off into residential care for c30 days

Get it telt RN, i know how hard it can be. Just chill as much as you can, you know there are plenty of us to help if you need us to. Good luck m8.

[DA Baracus]

Feeling a bit poor. 

Just the same stuff.

I'm lonely, fat, in debt and in a job that bores me senseless. 

I feel stuck and can't get out. I have no qualifications and can't afford to go to university or night school, so will have to do the Open Uni, which I plan to. However that takes 6 years to complete. 6 years and I'll be 40, and will I really be any more employable by then?

I desperately feel like time is running out for me. I do want to have a family one day but feel that it's slipping away and is too late.

It's really acute now in that for about the last 8 months I have these worries and panics every single night I go to bed where they run through my head and won't stop.

The thought of suicide had become worryingly casual to me now as well. I don't envision it all the time but the concept of ending it comes too easily at times, if that makes sense. It's become less abstract in a way and doesn't seem as terrifying as it was to me before, which is itself really worrying.

It too often feels hopeless and helpless, as if I've had my time and I've wasted it. I've done nothing with my life. I've lost friends, been lonely and single, haven't travelled, have got myself in to debt making myself disgustingly fat, have no pension and no savings and no hope of ever getting a house of my own and have ruined my opportunities to get some sort of qualification. I hid away from the world from shame and depression for so long that it too often feels like it's too late to salvage it.

On a great weekend like this one I'd love to go for a pint but don't have any friends in Dundee and can't afford it anyway, as most of my money is usually gone within a week or 2 of getting paid. I struggle to see how I can get a better job just now as I feel that they'd take one look at me and judge me right away as fat and shit.

I've never enjoyed a summer as an adult. I've always covered myself up due to the shame of being so fat. I've never been on a holiday as an adult, let alone a summer holiday or a holiday with friends (I mean a proper week minimum). Before last year I hadn't been on a plane since 2007.

I need to move away, but can't afford it right now, and every week I'm stuck is another one wasted and it's so hard to come to terms with.

The future seems really bleak. I plan to lose weight and get myself in shape, starting tomorrow, and have mapped out a healthy eating and exercise plan. I fear it might be too late but need to try and finally do it. I hope that as I lose weight I get better mentally and gain confidence and start feeling optimism, but if that doesn't work I'm in a lot of trouble as it's really my only hope.

I often think what the point is as I don't have anything to live for. I have no purpose and barely anything to look forward to, aside from a trip in the summer, but after that nothing. I'll get up for work tomorrow and go in and sit bored beyond belief, and will start with my fitness plan, but really it's hard to see what it's all for. Part of me aches to rage against that but part of me begs to pull me under and submit.

Funnily I do feel decent a most of the time, at least better than I did before, but it's just when the thoughts hit me, and again it feels too late.

I know I just post the same stuff on here and it must be tedious but I have no other outlet, so feel free to skip this latest mewling output.

Edited April 21, 2019 by DA Baracus

[welshbairn]

41 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Feeling a bit poor. 

Just the same stuff.

I'm lonely, fat, in debt and in a job that bores me senseless. 

I feel stuck and can't get out. I have no qualifications and can't afford to go to university or night school, so will have to do the Open Uni, which I plan to. However that takes 6 years to complete. 6 years and I'll be 40, and will I really be any more employable by then?

I desperately feel like time is running out for me. I do want to have a family one day but feel that it's slipping away and is too late.

It's really acute now in that for about the last 8 months I have these worries and panics every single night I go to bed where they run through my head and won't stop.

The thought of suicide had become worryingly casual to me now as well. I don't envision it all the time but the concept of ending it comes too easily at times, if that makes sense. It's become less abstract in a way and doesn't seem as terrifying as it was to me before, which is itself really worrying.

It too often feels hopeless and helpless, as if I've had my time and I've wasted it. I've done nothing with my life. I've lost friends, been lonely and single, haven't travelled, have got myself in to debt making myself disgustingly fat, have no pension and no savings and no hope of ever getting a house of my own and have ruined my opportunities to get some sort of qualification. I hid away from the world from shame and depression for so long that it too often feels like it's too late to salvage it.

On a great weekend like this one I'd love to go for a pint but don't have any friends in Dundee and can't afford it anyway, as most of my money is usually gone within a week or 2 of getting paid. I struggle to see how I can get a better job just now as I feel that they'd take one look at me and judge me right away as fat and shit.

I need to move away, but can't afford it right now, and every week I'm stuck is another one wasted and it's so hard to come to terms with.

The future seems really bleak. I plan to lose weight and get myself in shape, starting tomorrow, and have mapped out a healthy eating and exercise plan. I fear it might be too late but need to try and finally do it. I hope that as I lose weight I get better mentally and gain confidence and start feeling optimism, but if that doesn't work I'm in a lot of trouble as it's really my only hope.

Funnily I do feel decent a most of the time, at least better than I did before, but it's just when the thoughts hit me, and again it feels top late.

I know I just post the same stuff on here and it must be tedious but I have no other outlet, so feel free to skip this latest mewling output.

First step is to stop comparing yourself to other people the same age, and what they've done. Most of them are probably trapped in souless marriages and jobs they hate just to pay the mortgage. Judging yourself on some scale you're supposed to have reached at a certain age is idiotic. Second is to stop putting yourself down because of your weight. While looking after it a bit if you're eating obsessively might be an idea, lots of fatties live happy and well adjusted lives, and hardly anyone would judge you on it. Thirdly plan an adventure so you have something to look forward to. You're single and free to do what you want. Take advantage of it, even if it takes a while to sort out the cash and stuff. Fourth, you have a full time job, the money shit must be sortable. Fifthly my life has been a whole series of unmitigated disasters so don't listen to c***s like me.   

[NJ2]

Feeling a bit poor. 
Just the same stuff.
I'm lonely, fat, in debt and in a job that bores me senseless. 
I feel stuck and can't get out. I have no qualifications and can't afford to go to university or night school, so will have to do the Open Uni, which I plan to. However that takes 6 years to complete. 6 years and I'll be 40, and will I really be any more employable by then?
I desperately feel like time is running out for me. I do want to have a family one day but feel that it's slipping away and is too late.
It's really acute now in that for about the last 8 months I have these worries and panics every single night I go to bed where they run through my head and won't stop.
The thought of suicide had become worryingly casual to me now as well. I don't envision it all the time but the concept of ending it comes too easily at times, if that makes sense. It's become less abstract in a way and doesn't seem as terrifying as it was to me before, which is itself really worrying.
It too often feels hopeless and helpless, as if I've had my time and I've wasted it. I've done nothing with my life. I've lost friends, been lonely and single, haven't travelled, have got myself in to debt making myself disgustingly fat, have no pension and no savings and no hope of ever getting a house of my own and have ruined my opportunities to get some sort of qualification. I hid away from the world from shame and depression for so long that it too often feels like it's too late to salvage it.
On a great weekend like this one I'd love to go for a pint but don't have any friends in Dundee and can't afford it anyway, as most of my money is usually gone within a week or 2 of getting paid. I struggle to see how I can get a better job just now as I feel that they'd take one look at me and judge me right away as fat and shit.
I've never enjoyed a summer as an adult. I've always covered myself up due to the shame of being so fat. I've never been on a holiday as an adult, let alone a summer holiday or a holiday with friends (I mean a proper week minimum). Before last year I hadn't been on a plane since 2007.
I need to move away, but can't afford it right now, and every week I'm stuck is another one wasted and it's so hard to come to terms with.
The future seems really bleak. I plan to lose weight and get myself in shape, starting tomorrow, and have mapped out a healthy eating and exercise plan. I fear it might be too late but need to try and finally do it. I hope that as I lose weight I get better mentally and gain confidence and start feeling optimism, but if that doesn't work I'm in a lot of trouble as it's really my only hope.
I often think what the point is as I don't have anything to live for. I have no purpose and barely anything to look forward to, aside from a trip in the summer, but after that nothing. I'll get up for work tomorrow and go in and sit bored beyond belief, and will start with my fitness plan, but really it's hard to see what it's all for. Part of me aches to rage against that but part of me begs to pull me under and submit.
Funnily I do feel decent a most of the time, at least better than I did before, but it's just when the thoughts hit me, and again it feels too late.
I know I just post the same stuff on here and it must be tedious but I have no other outlet, so feel free to skip this latest mewling output.

Starting with the last part, that’s exactly what this thread is for mate.
Secondly, I know how you feel - the pointlessness, the loneliness, the frustration and, worst, the self loathing. Not all the time by any means but often enough.
Lastly, as I realise I’m no real help, but it’s never too late to achieve what you want if you can stay motivated. Healthy eating and exercise will help you lose weight, the exercise will help your mental health as well. As long as you’re here, you can keep trying to get where you want to be. Some things might not happen but some definitely will and they’ll make the effort worthwhile. Try and keep the head up mate and I don’t think anyone grudges anyone else using this thread as an outlet, and if they do they can f**k off to another thread tbh

[Shandon Par]

1 hour ago, DA Baracus said:

Feeling a bit poor. 

Just the same stuff.

I'm lonely, fat, in debt and in a job that bores me senseless. 

I feel stuck and can't get out. I have no qualifications and can't afford to go to university or night school, so will have to do the Open Uni, which I plan to. However that takes 6 years to complete. 6 years and I'll be 40, and will I really be any more employable by then?

I desperately feel like time is running out for me. I do want to have a family one day but feel that it's slipping away and is too late.

It's really acute now in that for about the last 8 months I have these worries and panics every single night I go to bed where they run through my head and won't stop.

The thought of suicide had become worryingly casual to me now as well. I don't envision it all the time but the concept of ending it comes too easily at times, if that makes sense. It's become less abstract in a way and doesn't seem as terrifying as it was to me before, which is itself really worrying.

It too often feels hopeless and helpless, as if I've had my time and I've wasted it. I've done nothing with my life. I've lost friends, been lonely and single, haven't travelled, have got myself in to debt making myself disgustingly fat, have no pension and no savings and no hope of ever getting a house of my own and have ruined my opportunities to get some sort of qualification. I hid away from the world from shame and depression for so long that it too often feels like it's too late to salvage it.

On a great weekend like this one I'd love to go for a pint but don't have any friends in Dundee and can't afford it anyway, as most of my money is usually gone within a week or 2 of getting paid. I struggle to see how I can get a better job just now as I feel that they'd take one look at me and judge me right away as fat and shit.

I've never enjoyed a summer as an adult. I've always covered myself up due to the shame of being so fat. I've never been on a holiday as an adult, let alone a summer holiday or a holiday with friends (I mean a proper week minimum). Before last year I hadn't been on a plane since 2007.

I need to move away, but can't afford it right now, and every week I'm stuck is another one wasted and it's so hard to come to terms with.

The future seems really bleak. I plan to lose weight and get myself in shape, starting tomorrow, and have mapped out a healthy eating and exercise plan. I fear it might be too late but need to try and finally do it. I hope that as I lose weight I get better mentally and gain confidence and start feeling optimism, but if that doesn't work I'm in a lot of trouble as it's really my only hope.

I often think what the point is as I don't have anything to live for. I have no purpose and barely anything to look forward to, aside from a trip in the summer, but after that nothing. I'll get up for work tomorrow and go in and sit bored beyond belief, and will start with my fitness plan, but really it's hard to see what it's all for. Part of me aches to rage against that but part of me begs to pull me under and submit.

Funnily I do feel decent a most of the time, at least better than I did before, but it's just when the thoughts hit me, and again it feels too late.

I know I just post the same stuff on here and it must be tedious but I have no other outlet, so feel free to skip this latest mewling output.

Exercise can be a great confidence booster but without meaning to put a downer on things before you’ve even set out on the healthy crusade the alarm bells start ringing if folk say “things will be better when.. or if.. x y and z”. 

I’ve been a mess when a bit lardy and when fit as a butchers dog. When sober or boozing or doing various other nefarious things. Getting fit can of course give you a boost but maybe view that as a base from which to address the root of problems.

I know money is tight but audio book places like Audible usually do a free trial (just remember to cancel). Self help books may not be your thing but by reading through the descriptions and listening to samples you may stumble across something that works for you.

For me, a 12 step one really helped. It took a couple of runs to get into it but it was because so much of it touched a nerve. To really make a difference it meant breaking down old habits and ways of doing things.

I know booze isn’t too big a deal for you but even a couple of AA meetings could be a way to lift the burden and get to meet folk who will be going through the same emotions as you. It’s not all about drinking. You’d soon spot patterns - for booze you could substitute the word with food. It’s the same sort of guilt/sooth/shame cycle you describe. 

Learning to be a bit less hard on yourself and love yourself a bit more could be a strong base from which to really enjoy getting a bit fitter etc.

And to put it in perspective from the start, I think your description of yourself would be unrecognisable to anyone on the forum.

Funny, moral, opinionated, unique are a few words that spring to mind about you. Not any of the negative stuff you mention. 

[Bairnardo]

Not to disagree with Shandon here because what he is saying is all right enough but DA you always mention physical fitness/weight when you are down. This leads me to believe you have had a load of false starts on that front. This is something I can relate to and I have had more "right im sorting it this time" moments than most folk I know.

I still have a bit to go but I will forever be grateful for signing up to the white collar boxing. It kicked me up the arse big style got me on a good path and once it was done and it left a bit of a hole I have signed up for a 10k to get me motivated.

Get yourself signed up to something that forces you into it.

[RH33]

Can you sign up to the fans fit that clubs are running through the spfl trust? Someone i know did this recently after a bad spell and found it benifical.

[Shandon Par]

The death of a friend recently has just shattered me. There’s a void that simply can’t be filled. I know time heals and I have experienced many bereavements but this is a tough one. There was no long illness, no “in a better place now” or suchlike. Just gone. Irreplaceable. Been wallowing a bit with emotional songs and being a long weekend off and having a weekend away with just the missus has meant lots of time for reflection.

Sorry to crash in on the depression thread with what’s really just some temporary self pity but normally I’d just say I was fine and get on with it. Just needed to splurge it out there that I’m heartbroken just now. It feels selfish to say it though as my pain is just a fraction of what his nearest and dearest have to face. So now I have a layer of guilt for self pitying on top of the grief!