Shandon Par Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 8 hours ago, Dons_1988 said: There's a guy who is on my bus to work in the morning, every time I see him he pulls out a can of Tennent's on the bus (7.30am) on his way into work. Made me feel incredibly sad seeing it, I shouldn't presume to know anything about him and I've never felt the need to have a beer to get through the day but it just made me feel like the guy must be in a dark place to be doing that. I just wanted to chat to him and help, but of course I did f**k all. The only positive was I had been feeling like I couldn't be arsed going for a run tonight but seeing him reminded me why my exercise everyday was so important. I will be going for a run tonight. I was sure you were going to say "jealous" - my boozing years must have conditioned me! Most of my days used to be a rush to get through work, gym or whatever so I could get fired into the booze. Really made it hard to connect with the world as unless I was in an altered state I'd be desperately thinking about getting a good few drinks. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 10 hours ago, velo army said: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/05/well/family/gender-men-touch.html?fbclid=IwAR2G0Vm_AKdJ4R8WOLrRoTJG52blQXSNbMNpSknZv9vvm8oXPntiO6iaD0s So the above article is about the importance of touch, and the consequences of the lack of it. We talk about depression and anxiety but we don't look at how our social world is constructed or how we, as men (apologies to the ladies, but I can't speak to your experience) isolate ourselves from both our feelings and from genuine connection with each other. We also tend to view touch as sexual, which is hugely self-sabotaging. I've been feeling very low and super stressed and defensive lately. It's been affecting my sleep which has obviously not been helping my body protect itself from stress. I'm pretty aware of myself these days (fuckton of therapy, reading, and going to cool retreats) and I took a step back (and, at the same time, inward) and I realised that what I was needing was a sense of community with my fellow men, and also I hadn't had any physical affection in weeks. I'm heading to London tomorrow to see my pal and I'm defo gonna hug the shit out of him. The above article is timely, and may speak to a lot of the concerns of men on here. We tend to try and be too heroic; walking along with our guts trailing behind us while cracking jokes or remaining stoically silent about our pain. We'd rather die (literally, sadly) than ask for what we want, or say that we're lonely. That's really interesting. Hugs etc can be a strange dynamic. Some people make it look natural and easy. Some go too far to the point of it being almost sleazy without them maybe realising. I always have a hug with my mother in law but feel really uncomfortable giving my own mum a hug. Probably some deep, simmering resentment at work. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 As far as contact goes, I have become a serial hugger, mostly because of the people I know.TBH, I get a hug from my stepdaughter and granddaughter every day and it’s the best thing ever [emoji2]. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 1 hour ago, G_Man1985 said: I love hugging. When had a little to much to drink I like a good hug. ( man or woman) Each to their own I say. /hug & can of full sugar IRN-BRU 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Moomintroll Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 I have been given new antidepressants to take (Venlaflaxine at 37.5mg twice a day) as my previous ones, Citalopram at 20mg once a day, were not creating the desired effects both me and my GP were looking for. A week in and there has been a big difference as I was getting night terrors every single night with the Citalopram and not feeling any better for it. The only thing with the Venlafaxine is that it is giving me chronic insomnia. I’m still managing to get 4 hours max per night but having to nap every so often. Anyone else have similar problems? It is a strange one, I have been on 40mg Citalopram for a long time & I veer between having weeks with only light sleep disruption to 2/3 week periods where I spend most nights having eposides of insomnia to the point where i struggle to function on a daily basis. Scared to discuss with my doctor though as I remember the nightmares, literal & figurative, I had switching from Sertraline to Citalopram in the first place. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daydream Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 https://www.richroll.com/Decent podcast on depression and other topics from Rich Roll with guest Johann Hari. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capybara Posted January 17, 2019 Share Posted January 17, 2019 First time posting in here. Have probably been depressed since my last year at school (2013-14). Felt really good in the autumn living at home after 4 years away. Saw loads of my friends from uni, generally going to watch one of our various teams play, going to the pub or playing golf. Came out to Australia almost exactly 2 months ago which had been a dream for a couple of years. Stayed with my cousin and her partner for the first month and had a good few weeks keeping busy. Moved into a flat after that and my flatmates don't really socialise with me or each other. My cousin's partner is a great guy and tries to involve me as much as possible but otherwise I have no one who is going to invite me to stuff. I've met plenty of their friends and family but don't feel like I know them well enough to ask them to go to the pub or whatever. Also haven't got a job yet which is becoming a worry. I've never been good at looking for jobs but not been running out of money as rapidly as this before, especially in an expensive country. I do really like it here and would hate to go back before about October which is the current plan but if I can't find work soon feel like I might have to. Glad to have this page to just get that off my chest a bit. I remember reading it occasionally when I first signed up and thinking it was a very helpful thing for anyone feeling this way. Just writing that has helped me. I hope everyone else posting in here can pull through.Great to hear from you taking about your issues are half the battle. I'm a bit older than you. But you are dealing with things a lot earlier than I did 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 8 hours ago, Bairnardo said: I honestly dont know more about why. I say I am not a touchy feely person but my kids are climbing over me all the time and wanting cuddles etc. They are my kids though.... Totally different to any other human. I cant pinpoint when this started for me but I tend to make some situations noticably awkward like at Christmas if folk pile into my house and everyone is cuddling il stay seated or find some way to act like I just missed it. I genuinely cant explain it and its with everyone except my wife and kids. And maybe you don't have to explain it, especially if it doesn't feel wrong to you. It sounds like you have boundaries around physical affection, but don't feel like you have permission to state them. It's probably the most empowering thing you can do for yourself, but it's hard. Telling someone that you'd rather not hug, but would maybe prefer a handshake, is tough as you may be afraid of hurting their feelings (which are theirs, and not your responsibility). As men we're expected to be fine with all physical affection and we treat our own needs around it as if it's a huge indulgence. So aye, it's utterly fine to only want to hug certain people. Consent and boundaries aren't just for women, we need to honour our own too. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gav-ffc Posted January 28, 2019 Share Posted January 28, 2019 I can’t remeber when I last posted on here but I’m sure it was after I came off my medication myself ( fluoxetine) and was doing well. Last month (probably longer) I’ve been feeling awful but masking it big time, feeling run down both physically and mentally and exhausted all the time but can’t sleep and I’ve came to the assumption it’s stress. Work isn’t great but I need it to keep me sane as being off makes me worse so I’ve ruled that out for being a big issue (maybe doing too many hours but cut down this year) Not has a break in terms of our daughter, last time someone else watched her for us was early December and as much as I love her with all my heart she can be hard work, been up every night for what feels like the last month so not getting a full night sleep ever. Her family aren’t much help despite her maw living across the road she sees the bairn for about 20 minutes and that’s her away to sit in her housecoat watching tv again. Came to a head yesterday when the bairn was screaming in my ear as her as the tv wasn’t getting turned on and the wife was no great help just kept saying no over and over again which set her off big time and I just broke down couldn’t stop crying and screaming into my pillow in pain (mental pain) everything just came to the surface and it didn’t stop for about 20 minutes. Wish the bairn hadn’t seen it but it couldn’t be stopped, she grabbed me and I did push her away as i didn’t want to be touched by anything or anyone. Mrs just let her stand there which has annoyed me and didn’t do anything tbh. Later on telling me “that was a bit much wasn’t it” Came close to going to the hospital to check myself in but bottled out of it after a shower and some reflection afterwards. Caleld the doctors this morning and can’t get an appointment until next Tuesday and don’t know what to do until then. Can’t sleep and when I do it’s only a few hours at a time, when I get to bed my brain is wide awake and can’t shut off at all. Feeling bit better today but really need some help from the docs to get a night sleep. aaaaaaaand breathe. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JTS98 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 17 hours ago, gav-ffc said: aaaaaaaand breathe. You bet. How have you felt since? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 I can’t remeber when I last posted on here but I’m sure it was after I came off my medication myself ( fluoxetine) and was doing well. Last month (probably longer) I’ve been feeling awful but masking it big time, feeling run down both physically and mentally and exhausted all the time but can’t sleep and I’ve came to the assumption it’s stress. Work isn’t great but I need it to keep me sane as being off makes me worse so I’ve ruled that out for being a big issue (maybe doing too many hours but cut down this year) Not has a break in terms of our daughter, last time someone else watched her for us was early December and as much as I love her with all my heart she can be hard work, been up every night for what feels like the last month so not getting a full night sleep ever. Her family aren’t much help despite her maw living across the road she sees the bairn for about 20 minutes and that’s her away to sit in her housecoat watching tv again. Came to a head yesterday when the bairn was screaming in my ear as her as the tv wasn’t getting turned on and the wife was no great help just kept saying no over and over again which set her off big time and I just broke down couldn’t stop crying and screaming into my pillow in pain (mental pain) everything just came to the surface and it didn’t stop for about 20 minutes. Wish the bairn hadn’t seen it but it couldn’t be stopped, she grabbed me and I did push her away as i didn’t want to be touched by anything or anyone. Mrs just let her stand there which has annoyed me and didn’t do anything tbh. Later on telling me “that was a bit much wasn’t it” Came close to going to the hospital to check myself in but bottled out of it after a shower and some reflection afterwards. Caleld the doctors this morning and can’t get an appointment until next Tuesday and don’t know what to do until then. Can’t sleep and when I do it’s only a few hours at a time, when I get to bed my brain is wide awake and can’t shut off at all. Feeling bit better today but really need some help from the docs to get a night sleep. aaaaaaaand breathe.Sounds shit mate. I can only imagine how difficult it must be balancing parenting and a mental health issue, particularly when sleep is deprived. Is the mrs aware of your health beyond normal parental stress? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gav-ffc Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 22 hours ago, Dons_1988 said: Sounds shit mate. I can only imagine how difficult it must be balancing parenting and a mental health issue, particularly when sleep is deprived. Is the mrs aware of your health beyond normal parental stress? She’s fully aware of everything that’s happened in the past that’s built up to this, starting age 11 ( now 27) On 29/01/2019 at 04:17, JTS98 said: You bet. How have you felt since? The Still feeling a bit down but I’ve managed two full nights sleep without waking up for the first time in god knows how long so that’s an improvement. Doctors appointment next Tuesday can’t come soon enough. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JTS98 Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 57 minutes ago, gav-ffc said: The Still feeling a bit down but I’ve managed two full nights sleep without waking up for the first time in god knows how long so that’s an improvement. Doctors appointment next Tuesday can’t come soon enough. Good man. And well done withe the sleeping. I know from experience that this stuff can lead to a spiral of lack of sleep making it worse. Are you getting any exercise? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gav-ffc Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 5 minutes ago, JTS98 said: Good man. And well done withe the sleeping. I know from experience that this stuff can lead to a spiral of lack of sleep making it worse. Are you getting any exercise? I’m always on the move (walking) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JTS98 Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 1 minute ago, gav-ffc said: I’m always on the move (walking) Good stuff. I had a bad couple of days to the point of getting sent home from work yesterday. Decided to walk it home instead of the bus (about 4 miles) and while it initially just provided more unwelcome thinking time, I did it again today and it perked me right up. I'm going to become one of these dicks who does home workouts. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capybara Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 Going to try to reduce meds . Currently on 150 Sertraline . Doc says to cut 50mg and we will review in May. I have not had a drink since January. But I can't say I feel any better. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tirso Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I'm touched by a lot of these issues as well and i think its amazing p&b has this thread. i'm anxious about even discussing this with a doctor. not even sure what you say to them. seems hard to me to open up like that. it's a Scottish man's thing i think. seems to me keeping yourself busy and having a routine that gets me out the house is the best way to keep it at bay. when it comes it comes hard though and there's just no way of getting out of it til its passed. i say passed but it never goes away; just tempered. recently ive found a bit of white noise and reading now when i feel it coming on bad. youtube is good for that kind of thing. feel for the folk with kids, one thing that i worry about is im sure i will freak out at some point and wouldn't be good at all when kids are there. its an illness though and i think society is getting better at it. still a long way to go though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guts Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 (edited) I know some may not like him or find him funny, but I found this quite interesting to hear from him. Takes a bit to get into it, skip to 12 mins in (usual rubbish at start of podcast/livestream things) Edited February 18, 2019 by Guts 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 I know some may not like him or find him funny, but I found this quite interesting to hear from him. Takes a bit to get into it, skip to 12 mins in (usual rubbish at start of podcast/livestream things)Worth a watch. I like limmy and have honestly never seen someone capture the essence of someone's character like he can.I think being depressed lets you see some things for what they are which can be a positive if that makes sense?You're depressed about something that's usually shite like a job. Is it not weirder to not be depressed about something that's awful?I find happy clapper people weird as f**k tbh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guts Posted February 18, 2019 Share Posted February 18, 2019 3 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said: Worth a watch. I like limmy and have honestly never seen someone capture the essence of someone's character like he can.I think being depressed lets you see some things for what they are which can be a positive if that makes sense? You're depressed about something that's usually shite like a job. Is it not weirder to not be depressed about something that's awful? I find happy clapper people weird as f**k tbh. I really like Limmy, a lot of people I meet don't like him though and wanted to put that line as a preface to the video incase someone would dismiss the video because it's him. That makes sense although I have never and would never have thought about it like that haha! I always feel happy clapper types must be fake. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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