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I've been feeling awful lately, as if my mind is beginning to deteriorate. It sounds daft, but there are loads of occasions where I do something then don't feel as if it's me that has done it, and I'm getting really angry at the smallest of things. I really do feel like I'm going mad.
I enjoy my own company, but I am spending more time with my family and I'm back at college now so see my pals there. The problem is that I feel lonelier when none of them are there. I do try and keep busy by doing a variety of things, but it only takes a second of not doing so for me to become drained again.
I haven't been drunk or done any drugs for more than a month now, which I thought would help, but it hasn't whatsoever.
I've had a brilliant year since I first started getting depressive thoughts (around this time last year). I've had some brilliant experiences and such, but they always end up with me thinking that I'll never get to relive that happiness again. I don't have any intentions of going out with my friends because I know this will always overcome me.

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Bit of a random question mate, but you said he was denied entry. I'm assuming he didn't get a visa?

It's just incredible to think that forgetting to get a visa has saved his life.


I wasn't sure of his Visa situation as he and his family go often to Florida and anywhere else there is a Wrestlemania on. I know there's something where you need to renew it every 2 years now(?). Alternatively I am not sure if the police had contacted the relevant authorities at JFK (if they even have that power?) to let them know of a passage that was a potential danger to himself. Either way we are glad he was as the other outcome would be unthinkable for his wife and wee boy and everyone else that knows him.

I am going through to his parents house tomorrow to see him and my Mrs is taking his out for coffee and shopping. My wife will likely get a clearer picture of how he was stopped. Anytime I have spoken to his wife this week she has understandably been somewhat "scatter-brained".

He opened up to me a bit more last night which was good. I shared to him more about my struggles which helped him I hope. He did stop short and said some stuff was for another time and I was never going to push him when he is not ready.
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5 hours ago, Adolfo Rios said:

 


I wasn't sure of his Visa situation as he and his family go often to Florida and anywhere else there is a Wrestlemania on. I know there's something where you need to renew it every 2 years now(?). 

I

 

ESTA

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  • 2 weeks later...
Hullo everyone. My name's Shotgun and after reading, and benefiting from this thread for some time,  I think it's time to pull up a chair and introduce myself.
I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago, although I'm sure I was dealing with it without realising for much longer. I'm not going to go into all the details but Mrs. Shotgun has suffered from clinical depression (much worse than mine) for many years now and unfortunately, despite my efforts to help her, it appears I've simply been pulled down. It's a loving relationship, just not a particularly functional one.
As for me - at 55 years old, in a middle-management job which has long lost its spark, I'm apparently a classic candidate for male depression. All the usual symptoms; lethargy, poor sleeping habits, lack of interest in things I used to enjoy, inability to stick with things and so on. Probably my biggest challenge is that I work from home and living in a fairly remote location, often go for several days without directly interacting with anyone outside the house. And for some time, my work output has been the bare minimum to get by. Given the rounds of layoffs my company has had over the last couple of years, this is ridiculously self-destructive but too many days, I just can't get my arse into gear. I've tried medication and sleeping pills but the side effects were worse than the depression so instead I've been tackling it old school, with alcohol and the odd toot on the legal marrywanny. You'll be shocked to learn they haven't fixed the issue either but I 'do' look forward to them and get pleasure when I indulge, so there's that.
Exercise helps big time, especially hiking and cycling. This has been a tough year for those though as I had a bad dose of bronchitis in the spring, an injured back in the summer and we've had torrential, destructive thunderstorms on an almost daily basis since June. I have a gym membership and could go there but...you know.
And so here we are. This post took me almost an hour to type but at least I've finally done it. I'm going to put the kettle on now. Anybody want anything?

May have taken an hour but you got it written and posted. That's a start. Sounds like you know your stuff tbh, what's causing it (or making it worse) and to try and live right and exercise. So, I've no advice really. Just try and stick at the exercise and chuck yourself in to work - at 55 you probably don't have too many working years left? f**k it, give them your all and get out being able to look back happily.
Keep supporting the Mrs and try talk to her about your issues.
Lastly, just rest assure you're not alone! You, and anyone else can always drop a pm whenever need be. I've got quite a lot causing the darkness just now, but we'll all get through it [emoji106]
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26 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

Hullo everyone. My name's Shotgun and after reading, and benefiting from this thread for some time,  I think it's time to pull up a chair and introduce myself.

I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago, although I'm sure I was dealing with it without realising for much longer. I'm not going to go into all the details but Mrs. Shotgun has suffered from clinical depression (much worse than mine) for many years now and unfortunately, despite my efforts to help her, it appears I've simply been pulled down. It's a loving relationship, just not a particularly functional one.

As for me - at 55 years old, in a middle-management job which has long lost its spark, I'm apparently a classic candidate for male depression. All the usual symptoms; lethargy, poor sleeping habits, lack of interest in things I used to enjoy, inability to stick with things and so on. Probably my biggest challenge is that I work from home and living in a fairly remote location, often go for several days without directly interacting with anyone outside the house. And for some time, my work output has been the bare minimum to get by. Given the rounds of layoffs my company has had over the last couple of years, this is ridiculously self-destructive but too many days, I just can't get my arse into gear. I've tried medication and sleeping pills but the side effects were worse than the depression so instead I've been tackling it old school, with alcohol and the odd toot on the legal marrywanny. You'll be shocked to learn they haven't fixed the issue either but I 'do' look forward to them and get pleasure when I indulge, so there's that.

Exercise helps big time, especially hiking and cycling. This has been a tough year for those though as I had a bad dose of bronchitis in the spring, an injured back in the summer and we've had torrential, destructive thunderstorms on an almost daily basis since June. I have a gym membership and could go there but...you know.

And so here we are. This post took me almost an hour to type but at least I've finally done it. I'm going to put the kettle on now. Anybody want anything?

Sounds like you could potentially be P&B's answer to Jack Torrance. 

Seriously though, sounds like you're not far off knowing what to do to get yourself back on top form. Gym can be a drag so why not do a fitness class at the gym perhaps? Gets you interacting with people, gives you a sense of achievement too - can reinvigorate you and help your self confidence/self worth etc. 

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Thanks guys. Your support is appreciated more than you realise.

And I quite fancy myself as Jack Torrance. The Stanley Hotel, which inspired Mr. King is just a couple of hours from me, although the town has now built up around it.

 

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13 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

Thanks guys. Your support is appreciated more than you realise.

And I quite fancy myself as Jack Torrance. The Stanley Hotel, which inspired Mr. King is just a couple of hours from me, although the town has now built up around it.

 

Perhaps your wife needs a good talking to.

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2 hours ago, Shotgun said:

Hullo everyone. My name's Shotgun and after reading, and benefiting from this thread for some time,  I think it's time to pull up a chair and introduce myself.

I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago, although I'm sure I was dealing with it without realising for much longer. I'm not going to go into all the details but Mrs. Shotgun has suffered from clinical depression (much worse than mine) for many years now and unfortunately, despite my efforts to help her, it appears I've simply been pulled down. It's a loving relationship, just not a particularly functional one.

As for me - at 55 years old, in a middle-management job which has long lost its spark, I'm apparently a classic candidate for male depression. All the usual symptoms; lethargy, poor sleeping habits, lack of interest in things I used to enjoy, inability to stick with things and so on. Probably my biggest challenge is that I work from home and living in a fairly remote location, often go for several days without directly interacting with anyone outside the house. And for some time, my work output has been the bare minimum to get by. Given the rounds of layoffs my company has had over the last couple of years, this is ridiculously self-destructive but too many days, I just can't get my arse into gear. I've tried medication and sleeping pills but the side effects were worse than the depression so instead I've been tackling it old school, with alcohol and the odd toot on the legal marrywanny. You'll be shocked to learn they haven't fixed the issue either but I 'do' look forward to them and get pleasure when I indulge, so there's that.

Exercise helps big time, especially hiking and cycling. This has been a tough year for those though as I had a bad dose of bronchitis in the spring, an injured back in the summer and we've had torrential, destructive thunderstorms on an almost daily basis since June. I have a gym membership and could go there but...you know.

And so here we are. This post took me almost an hour to type but at least I've finally done it. I'm going to put the kettle on now. Anybody want anything?

Is getting another job that gets you out and about a bit not a possibility?  That post lady who wakes you up could have an unfortunate accident for instance.

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35 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Is getting another job that gets you out and about a bit not a possibility? 

Yes and no. Living in a rural area, there are no well paying, or even many full-time jobs round here so I'd either need to take a huge salary drop or go back to commuting to Denver each day. That's 2-3 hours in the car, more in winter and having done it for several years, I'm in no rush to go back to it. I will if I have to obviously, but it doesn't appeal. And I'm afraid moving house just isn't an option right now.

Additionally; one of the ways Corporate America keeps us compliant is that we're dependent upon a 'good' job for the employer subsidised health insurance. Depression is only one of Mrs. S' health issues and even with insurance, a good chunk of our income goes on her health care. She was in hospital for a couple of weeks about 5 years back with a serious health scare and that wiped out our savings. Also, various Wall Street crashes have meant that my pension plan is worth less than if I'd just put the money in a biscuit tin under the bed. So while I'd never say never, I'm not actively looking for a new job at the moment.

Now to be fair, for the most part, my company treats us pretty well. I'm aware that I 'am' lucky to have this job - and I'm appreciative of it. I used to be good at too but I just can't get revved up about it any more. Of course, if the layoffs I mentioned finally catch up with me then the decision could be out of my hands but with 15 years' service, I should get a decent severance package. That might be a better option than quitting at this point. 

35 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

That post lady who wakes you up could have an unfortunate accident for instance.

Oh, I've thought about that. But I wouldn't want that job as I'd need to get up far too early.

Edited by Shotgun
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5 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

 And I'm afraid moving house just isn't an option right now.

Now to be fair, for the most part, my company treats us pretty well. I'm aware that I 'do' have a good job - and I'm grateful for that. And I used to be good at it. I just can't get revved up about it any more. Of course, if the layoffs I mentioned finally catch up with me then the decision could be out of my hands but with 15 years' service, I should get a decent severance package. That might be a better option than quitting at this point. 

To me, being isolated in a house in the sticks, depressed and living with a partner who is possibly more seriously depressed is a situation I'd have to think about radically changing, even if it meant having less money for my retirement. Maybe you get more out of living in the country than me though, when I've tried it I've gone slightly loopy. Do you have a time in mind when you'll retire or will you need to work for as long as you can?

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I hear you Welshie, and I appreciate your insight. Living in the country really IS important to me though and I believe the impact is more positive than negative. The peace and tranquility of being among pine trees with the snow capped mountains as a backdrop, the daily visits from the wildlife and the breathing space has a very positive impact on my mood and I'd miss that terribly if I were to move to the city. When I'm driving home from anywhere and turn onto the dirt road that leads to my house I can feel the stress just sliding away.

You're right about the issue of the two of us rattling round in the house by ourselves though. We're both aware that we aren't always good influences on each other and that we spend too much time in each others company. I think the trick will be to make the effort to get out more. Whether that's socialising with friends (yes, we do have them), exercising or some other activity.

Knowing what to do, and finding the oomph to do it though...two different things.

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Driving home from Glasgow and heard journalist Bill Leckie talking about depression and his experience of it on Radio Scotland this morning. It was excellent and summed up very well why many people don`t seek help.  Hopefully it will have helped one or two people to do so.

Edited by Distant Doonhamer
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On 28/09/2017 at 01:52, Shotgun said:

Hullo everyone. My name's Shotgun and after reading, and benefiting from this thread for some time,  I think it's time to pull up a chair and introduce myself.

I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago, although I'm sure I was dealing with it without realising for much longer. I'm not going to go into all the details but Mrs. Shotgun has suffered from clinical depression (much worse than mine) for many years now and unfortunately, despite my efforts to help her, it appears I've simply been pulled down. It's a loving relationship, just not a particularly functional one.

As for me - at 55 years old, in a middle-management job which has long lost its spark, I'm apparently a classic candidate for male depression. All the usual symptoms; lethargy, poor sleeping habits, lack of interest in things I used to enjoy, inability to stick with things and so on. Probably my biggest challenge is that I work from home and living in a fairly remote location, often go for several days without directly interacting with anyone outside the house. And for some time, my work output has been the bare minimum to get by. Given the rounds of layoffs my company has had over the last couple of years, this is ridiculously self-destructive but too many days, I just can't get my arse into gear. I've tried medication and sleeping pills but the side effects were worse than the depression so instead I've been tackling it old school, with alcohol and the odd toot on the legal marrywanny. You'll be shocked to learn they haven't fixed the issue either but I 'do' look forward to them and get pleasure when I indulge, so there's that.

Exercise helps big time, especially hiking and cycling. This has been a tough year for those though as I had a bad dose of bronchitis in the spring, an injured back in the summer and we've had torrential, destructive thunderstorms on an almost daily basis since June. I have a gym membership and could go there but...you know.

And so here we are. This post took me almost an hour to type but at least I've finally done it. I'm going to put the kettle on now. Anybody want anything?

Could I have a green tea with lemon please? Just a coffee if you don't have any. 

Thanks.

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8 hours ago, Dee Man said:

Could I have a green tea with lemon please? Just a coffee if you don't have any. 

Thanks.

I forgot I'd written that last line so it took me a minute to figure out what you were on about here. Anyway, it's still early morning here so you'll get coffee and none of your nonsense.

 

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