Sergeant Wilson Posted January 6, 2023 Share Posted January 6, 2023 (edited) I was helping out at a youth football match, I think the opposition was Aberdeen because Drew Jarvie and David Robertson were there. We only had 10 players, so I was stripped to play in goal, but the keeper turned up late and I got dropped, unfortunately I hadn't brought clothes to change back in to. Then Stuart Taylor appeared and said he had found a gold bracelet. No-one about recognised it, so he threw it in the bin Edited January 6, 2023 by Sergeant Wilson 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted January 6, 2023 Share Posted January 6, 2023 1 hour ago, HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows said: You could have bought her off with some speltz bread from that bakers in Hastings. Good luck getting Miguel to take a w**k bullet for you, Elena 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arthur daley Posted January 6, 2023 Share Posted January 6, 2023 On 04/01/2023 at 09:37, scottsdad said: Only now in the morning do I realise I "invented" a big pinball machine using dildos and a slide. Patent pending ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PossilYM Posted January 7, 2023 Share Posted January 7, 2023 Dying off with chest infection. Goes for a lie down and the burd's cat says "would you like to sleep for 5 years and you'll be completely well when you wake up". The add on was the burd would be married when you wake up. Go for it says me. Woke up out the dream asking the burd who the feck she married. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted February 10, 2023 Share Posted February 10, 2023 I dreamt last night that Nicola out of Girls Aloud had joined my work. She seemed quite nice and was happy to be out of the limelight having lost all her money to a dodgy agent. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted February 15, 2023 Share Posted February 15, 2023 The offshore installation I work on was being attacked by alien spaceships, some of which were on fire and falling from the sky. One crashed through the helideck, meaning there was no way off by air. Everyone on board was forced to huddle into a large sealed muster room, and we could hear the aliens onboard in some form of energy form, trying to break through the door and walls to get to us all. I fly home today. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted February 15, 2023 Share Posted February 15, 2023 1 hour ago, Hedgecutter said: The offshore installation I work on was being attacked by alien spaceships, some of which were on fire and falling from the sky. One crashed through the helideck, meaning there was no way off by air. Everyone on board was forced to huddle into a large sealed muster room, and we could hear the aliens onboard in some form of energy form, trying to break through the door and walls to get to us all. I fly home today. Good luck! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted February 17, 2023 Share Posted February 17, 2023 https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230213-how-people-dream-in-foreign-languages Had a dream once where I'm fluent in French. Spoiler I'm shite at French 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxRover Posted February 17, 2023 Share Posted February 17, 2023 2 hours ago, Venti said: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230213-how-people-dream-in-foreign-languages Had a dream once where I'm fluent in French. Reveal hidden contents I'm shite at French Get cancer treatment, you might get lucky… https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/feb/16/us-cancer-patient-develops-uncontrollable-irish-accent-doctors-say 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venti Posted February 17, 2023 Share Posted February 17, 2023 Ders moar t'cancer din diss. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted February 20, 2023 Share Posted February 20, 2023 The Argyll & Bute council area had been extended as far east as Banchory, and I had to fly to Norway for the afternoon just to watch a 20 minute safety video for work. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 I was watching Scotland play World Cup winners on the telly (Italy? Germany? Can't remember) and we beat them comfortably. We were so good that they'd started rolling about like fannies to get our players sent off before the end of the first half. Didn't work, so they gave it a proper go in the second half, and we held them off like big lads with long arms. Wild stuff; we were top of our group at the end. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 3 minutes ago, BTFD said: I was watching Scotland play World Cup winners on the telly (Italy? Germany? Can't remember) and we beat them comfortably. We were so good that they'd started rolling about like fannies to get our players sent off before the end of the first half. Didn't work, so they gave it a proper go in the second half, and we held them off like big lads with long arms. Wild stuff; we were top of our group at the end. Did you dream that there Was there a whiny,hypocritical wee c**t being interviewed at the end of it talking about long grass and play-acting? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 5 minutes ago, buchan30 said: Did you dream that there Was there a whiny,hypocritical wee c**t being interviewed at the end of it talking about long grass and play-acting? You know, there may well have been. This must be one of those shared dream situations that people talk about. Don't judge me for what happened after I switched channels 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 4 minutes ago, BTFD said: You know, there may well have been. This must be one of those shared dream situations that people talk about. Don't judge me for what happened after I switched channels At 10pm per chance? For a certain 10 minute programme? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 47 minutes ago, buchan30 said: At 10pm per chance? For a certain 10 minute programme? Ten minutes? Well done. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djchapsticks Posted March 29, 2023 Share Posted March 29, 2023 St. Mirren rebuilt Love Street for one commemorative match. Exactly as it was on last day right down to restricted views and washed out red paint. It was a strictly one and done though but parts of the stand were asked to fill multiple seats to make it look busier. This last part actually made sense to me. I did extra work for an Irn Bru advert that was filmed at Love Street back in about 2004 and one of the things the 150 or so extras had to do over the 2 days of filming was sit in different formations in different parts of the stadium so the CGI team could make the ground look full in post production. f**k knows where in the memory bank that one came from after about 20 years though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 I was being shown around a building that had been renovated and was being used as offices. The tour guide was telling me about their innovative solutions to space. I went to go to the toilet, and in the gents there was a desk with a guy sitting at it, working. The desk had a perspex screen in front of it and a urinal attached to it. So, to pish I would stand in front of this guy as he worked, and he could watch me. I started laughing, then checked out the cubicle. Another desk with an old woman working at it at one end, the bog at the other. To take a shite I would sit and face the woman. I laughed again, trying to tell the folk that this was ridiculous, but they had all bought into it. Actually woke up laughing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 1 minute ago, scottsdad said: I was being shown around a building that had been renovated and was being used as offices. The tour guide was telling me about their innovative solutions to space. I went to go to the toilet, and in the gents there was a desk with a guy sitting at it, working. The desk had a perspex screen in front of it and a urinal attached to it. So, to pish I would stand in front of this guy as he worked, and he could watch me. I started laughing, then checked out the cubicle. Another desk with an old woman working at it at one end, the bog at the other. To take a shite I would sit and face the woman. I laughed again, trying to tell the folk that this was ridiculous, but they had all bought into it. Actually woke up laughing. Could see Amazon doing that in their warehouses. Wee Countdown clock on the desk to show you how much time you had left before the sack. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 Just now, BTFD said: Could see Amazon doing that in their warehouses. Wee Countdown clock on the desk to show you how much time you had left before the sack. Imagine this, but with the one on the left replaced by an old woman working at her desk. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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