tamthebam Posted April 22, 2021 Share Posted April 22, 2021 7 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Clean your helmet is what Im getting from this one. Perhaps he wants to find his helmet in the lady's garden 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 I was in the queue for some nightclub and I found an old tattered loyalty card in my wallet that I thought might still be valid and get me 20% off at the door. I then got cheesed-off with my friend who then went to a ticket office to buy tickets in advance which came with a service charge on top of the full price in addition to a further fiver for the 'one off' membership registration that I evidently already had. Woke up before I got to the door, so I may never know whether the card was valid or not. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 Had a dream last night I was with Tony Blair, laughing at Jeremy Corbyn as he was stuck on a train trying to give a speech which was supposed to take 20 minutes but at time of close was taking closer to 1 hour 50 minutes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 I dreamt I was in a delicatessen buying some fish and it was overrun with mice and I kicked one of them to death. It was a bit disturbing as I'm an animal lover. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 6, 2021 Share Posted June 6, 2021 Had a dream last night I was looking out the living room windows, watching a bunch of rockets being launched and landing in Glasgow, blowing bits of it up. Only they weren't really rockets, they looked more like space shuttles with the craft and the fuel tank and the extra rockets attached. I was also living in one of those rather than my actual flat so I I took it up and flew it away to try and escape. Shortly after I was in my bathroom, shaking Peter Griffin from Family Guy in my bath to try and empty him of all the Irn-Bru Energy he'd drank, which was pouring out of his mouth and was green. Then I was watching the news trying to find out about the rockets (Hull and Sheffield had also been hit) but I could only find Have I Got News for You, which seemed to be spliced together from loads of different episodes as lots of different guests were speaking. Eventually it settled on Richard Madeley who was there as the voice of Peter Rabbit, with the little CGI rabbit on the desk in front of him too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted June 6, 2021 Share Posted June 6, 2021 I was walking through a slaughter house with lines of dead pigs lying on the floor. A piglet wasn't actually dead and ran past me to try and suck!e on a bigger dead pig farther back. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rizzo Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 Last night I dreamt that I was in Glasgow with partner and one of our dogs. I was watching her clamber up a cliff (not sure where this would be) and then struggle to get down again. Started walking over to encourage her back the way she went up only to see her fall and immediately die when she hit the pavement which was 20 odd feet below her. By the time I got over, her body had turned into a weird looking plant which I uprooted and took home. I was pretty upset in my dream and yet all anyone could say about the whole traumatising incident was that at least I got a nice plant out of it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsimButtHitsASix Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 Had a dream last night me and some pals could only find a pub to watch the game in underneath a very small, elite research facility situated in the West End of Greenock. At half-time a lassie told a joke, which I have now sadly forgotten, that I will refer to as the train joke. This made me smitten so I endeavoured to spend all my time with her to woo her. Luckily an acquaintance of mine knew her and said she gave these sort of secret science lectures upstair in the pub some night. So I signed up. The lectures were not lectures. You had to put on this mad glove/robotic arm thing that read your thoughts. This extrapolated the data and sold it to facebook as the most cutting edge targetted advert data in the world. They ises this money to fund the real purpose for the arm device: time travel. As well as sucking out yer favourite brand of beer for targetting ads it took out all yer dirty secrets. This way they could blackmail folk into not using the device for bad reasons. The longer ye spent in the past the more it hurt you were there and the pain intesified when you came back. Anything over 15 minutes in the past started to hurt and, upon return, people spent a good half hour in agonizing pain, bent over double and screaming and no painkiller helped. The reason for the time travel escapes me. It was always for pure scientific reasons and never really further than 50/60 years. Getting copies of newspapers and fixing spaces in the scinlentific community's knowledge library and the like. Just so happens famous comedian James Acaster is also one of these time scientists as well. Another guy, tho, realises the arm device doesn't nees to suck out yer dark secrets (obviously) but, also, it doesn't need to hurt but that is another control put on by the cute scientist woman to stop people being bad with time. He's a libertarian and, therefore, a dangerous mixture of stupid and evil and thinks this is a form of people control is wrong so steals the glove in order to amend it. A small team of us hunt him down, avoiding government agencies also intent on time travel, to get the glove. Over the course of this me and James Acastet become friends and the cute scientist also gets closer to me. Culminating in a knee trembler near Icelands. We get the glove back, we send that guy to prison or something, and all is well with the world. Me and the lass are back in the pub we originally met having a drink and romantically enjoying another Scotland game when James Acaster walks in with the glove. Unbeknownst to us all he has a secret crush on scientist woman and lets us know at this point before jumping back into time to that first Scotland game and, just as she's about to tell the train joke, butts in and tells it himself. The entire timeline rejigs itself and ye see that guy running away with the glove for himself as I never joined the team to stop him as I never fired into the scientist. It ended with me sitting in the same pub I was with cute scientist lady but, this time, on ma todd. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ya Bezzer! Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 I don't remember much about last night's dream but I do remember laughing uproariously at a kid dressed as R2D2 falling down a flight of the stairs. I was the way he bounced! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 15 hours ago, AsimButtHitsASix said: Had a dream last night me and some pals could only find a pub to watch the game in underneath a very small, elite research facility situated in the West End of Greenock. At half-time a lassie told a joke, which I have now sadly forgotten, that I will refer to as the train joke. This made me smitten so I endeavoured to spend all my time with her to woo her. Luckily an acquaintance of mine knew her and said she gave these sort of secret science lectures upstair in the pub some night. So I signed up. The lectures were not lectures. You had to put on this mad glove/robotic arm thing that read your thoughts. This extrapolated the data and sold it to facebook as the most cutting edge targetted advert data in the world. They ises this money to fund the real purpose for the arm device: time travel. As well as sucking out yer favourite brand of beer for targetting ads it took out all yer dirty secrets. This way they could blackmail folk into not using the device for bad reasons. The longer ye spent in the past the more it hurt you were there and the pain intesified when you came back. Anything over 15 minutes in the past started to hurt and, upon return, people spent a good half hour in agonizing pain, bent over double and screaming and no painkiller helped. The reason for the time travel escapes me. It was always for pure scientific reasons and never really further than 50/60 years. Getting copies of newspapers and fixing spaces in the scinlentific community's knowledge library and the like. Just so happens famous comedian James Acaster is also one of these time scientists as well. Another guy, tho, realises the arm device doesn't nees to suck out yer dark secrets (obviously) but, also, it doesn't need to hurt but that is another control put on by the cute scientist woman to stop people being bad with time. He's a libertarian and, therefore, a dangerous mixture of stupid and evil and thinks this is a form of people control is wrong so steals the glove in order to amend it. A small team of us hunt him down, avoiding government agencies also intent on time travel, to get the glove. Over the course of this me and James Acastet become friends and the cute scientist also gets closer to me. Culminating in a knee trembler near Icelands. We get the glove back, we send that guy to prison or something, and all is well with the world. Me and the lass are back in the pub we originally met having a drink and romantically enjoying another Scotland game when James Acaster walks in with the glove. Unbeknownst to us all he has a secret crush on scientist woman and lets us know at this point before jumping back into time to that first Scotland game and, just as she's about to tell the train joke, butts in and tells it himself. The entire timeline rejigs itself and ye see that guy running away with the glove for himself as I never joined the team to stop him as I never fired into the scientist. It ended with me sitting in the same pub I was with cute scientist lady but, this time, on ma todd. Was the train joke Did you hear about the depressed train spotter who threw himself in front of a steam train? He was chuffed to bits. Now can I fire into a cute lady scientist? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsimButtHitsASix Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 6 minutes ago, tamthebam said: Was the train joke Did you hear about the depressed train spotter who threw himself in front of a steam train? He was chuffed to bits. Now can I fire into a cute lady scientist? Only if she looks like British Museum Curator lassie who deals with the Suttom Hoo stuff. That's who the lady scientist looked like 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 Dr Sue Brunning. In the spirit of Sid the Sexist, I've got an old sword she could handle.... I've got also a ragged piece of faded ancient celtic cloth in green and white with the mysterious symbol "9" on it that was worn by an obscure warrior. I think it's the Sutton, Who? Treasure. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 Had a dream last night Harry Potter faked his death because he didn't think Nicola Sturgeon and the SNP were committed enough to independence. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 5 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said: Had a dream last night Harry Potter faked his death because he didn't think Nicola Sturgeon and the SNP were committed enough to independence. A Jungian interpretation of this dream is "F*ck you, JK Trolling, ya Yoon boot" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMMjag Posted June 14, 2021 Share Posted June 14, 2021 Partick Thistle signed a 40 stone, 8 feet tall striker who made his debut away to Ross County, with a dramatic Serengeti style sunset as the backdrop. He scored a point blank header into an empty net and Ian McCall was raving about him afterwards, saying the fans were going to love him. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 Last night's one, I went to get the bairn from school and the teacher said we have developed a new classroom. She took me to this big greenhouse and all the kids were sitting inside big barrels of Buckfast. They all had snorkels on so they didnt drown. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 Woke myself up laughing dead on 4AM this morning laughing at a dream about a crossover episode of The Simpsons and Bob's Burgers 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 Woke up this morning from a dream in which I was on a swan ride at a country estate, showing Meryl Streep these retro 3D projected video games, and decided to pish in the boat as Meryl was a good sort and didn't mind. Realised that I was probably dreaming halfway through, and that I was likely pishing myself IRL, so snapped awake and found I'd soaked the sheets. Was about to get up and change when I woke up again and found myself in a dry bed, and I didn't even need to pee Still not quite convinced this isn't a dream TBH. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 On 14/06/2021 at 10:33, AMMjag said: Partick Thistle signed a 40 stone, 8 feet tall striker who made his debut away to Ross County, with a dramatic Serengeti style sunset as the backdrop. He scored a point blank header into an empty net and Ian McCall was raving about him afterwards, saying the fans were going to love him. That did really happen. Armand one. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 had a dream last night I was desperate for the toilet but there was one of those plasticy tartan-patterned shopping bags you get filled with piss in front of the toilet, so I started going in that then it overflowed so I was trying to lift it and pour it in the toilet but it basically covered the entire thing then it turned out I was late for work 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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