Evil Neighbours Thread

[Long live the 69]

I have 2 lesbians through the wall from me. Had a swingers party yesterday. Fucking hellish

[DAFC]

Right hand neighbour - 12:15AM, hammering something outside back garden.

Sets off left hand weirdos who bang about 'till 4AM.

Got shouted at by them for painting my fence the other day.

f**k this, gonna move.

[Bert Raccoon]

Thankfully the cunto upstairs from me has moved out and been replaced with somone who doesn't wear tap dancing shoes when walking about the house.

[dave258]

I'm between flats until Friday so been stopping at my Mrs' place for the past few weeks.

Now she normally stays there by herself, so I was a bit concerned when I heard the front door being rattled and someone shouting incoherently in the close at about half midnight last week. Picture a pale, skinny and very naked Scotsman leaping out of bed scrambling for a heavy implement as it sounds like a SWAT team are trying to put the door in. Turns out her neighbour is a jakey and likes to come in pished, ranting and raving, and bang on people's doors. She hadn't told me about it because she didn't want tocause a bother, despite us both having to get up at 5am/6am for work regularly.

It took a great deal of persuasion for me to agree to calling the police rather than going out to administer P&B's standard riposte, a boot in the pie. They were worse than useless as the guy had stumbled into his flat by then ("Ach well, if he's inside now there's probably no sense in waking him up"), so I'll save myself the phone call and just boot the c**t down the stairs if he does it again when I'm there.

[HoBNob]

My first flat was this bogging wee number in Dalry. My favourite neighbours were the fucking bum balloons above us, who's bedroom was right above ours. Usually you'll know your neighbours are shagging because you'll hear some kind of rhythmic noise and go "that'll be the bed getting knocked about because their riding" - not the case with these dafties.

The Betty was one of they "noisey customers". But not an "ooo" or "ahhh that's the spot" kind of noisey. For the entire duration of her getting her bacon vault filled in by her man friend, at the top of her voice, she'd make this noise which was identical to the noise Dr Zoidberg makes in Futurama when he skuttles away. A sort of "WOOOOOP-WOOOOO-WOOOOP" noise.

That.

Every night.

For about an hour.

I really should have evened the score up by blowing into a kazoo the whole time I was getting my hole but sadly I didn't think of that at the time.

Honestly tremendous, best post I've seen in a long time

Right hand neighbour - 12:15AM, hammering something outside back garden.

Sets off left hand weirdos who bang about 'till 4AM.

Got shouted at by them for painting my fence the other day.

f**k this, gonna move.

Geuine question, why in the f**k have you not blootered them? Disabled or not they're still human.

[Gaz]

I feel for you - we had severe problems with our drug-dealing neighbour before we were finally able to move last year.

A word of caution, though - there is virtually no way to win against anti-social neighbours, bar moving away.

[Monster]

I'm between flats until Friday so been stopping at my Mrs' place for the past few weeks.

Now she normally stays there by herself, so I was a bit concerned when I heard the front door being rattled and someone shouting incoherently in the close at about half midnight last week. Picture a pale, skinny and very naked Scotsman leaping out of bed scrambling for a heavy implement as it sounds like a SWAT team are trying to put the door in. Turns out her neighbour is a jakey and likes to come in pished, ranting and raving, and bang on people's doors. She hadn't told me about it because she didn't want tocause a bother, despite us both having to get up at 5am/6am for work regularly.

It took a great deal of persuasion for me to agree to calling the police rather than going out to administer P&B's standard riposte, a boot in the pie. They were worse than useless as the guy had stumbled into his flat by then ("Ach well, if he's inside now there's probably no sense in waking him up"), so I'll save myself the phone call and just boot the c**t down the stairs if he does it again when I'm there.

Do you get sick pay? Will you be down a day's wage when you're in the Viccy after the jaikey deals you the severe malky?

[thisGRAEME]

It was only when my old flatmate moved out that I realised how noisy my neighbours actually were. He was pretty constant with the reasonable, low-level noise, but living in the house on my own it was really quiet, and this tiny wee lassie and her pal appeared to be moving furniture constantly, at all hours of the night. Totally bizarre.

[Dindeleux]

There really is though - you just make their lifes hell to even up the score a little bit.

I've probably mentioned in this thread that I used to live next door to a total pain in the arse ned whose house was quiet Monday to Friday and then chaos at the weekend.

I've since upgraded to a better flat - but I still take the opportunity to pass my old block every now and again and inflict some or irritating annoyance on the c**t - chewing gum in his door look, leaning bins/rubbish against his door for the morning etc.

It only takes a couple of minutes out of my day and brings me great fun. I think I will go there tonight - any suggestions? I quite fancy taking a wee pee through his letter box.

[Dee Man]

There really is though - you just make their lifes hell to even up the score a little bit.

I've probably mentioned in this thread that I used to live next door to a total pain in the arse ned whose house was quiet Monday to Friday and then chaos at the weekend.

I've since upgraded to a better flat - but I still take the opportunity to pass my old block every now and again and inflict some or irritating annoyance on the c**t - chewing gum in his door look, leaning bins/rubbish against his door for the morning etc.

It only takes a couple of minutes out of my day and brings me great fun. I think I will go there tonight - any suggestions? I quite fancy taking a wee pee through his letter box.

Firstly, put a glass bottle on his door handle. Then, place a shite - dog or human, the choice is yours - in front of his door. Cover the jobby in paper and set it alight. Knock his door then retreat to a distance where you can observe or hear the inevitable results.

He will answer his door to the sound of smashing glass which will give him the shiters. He will then attempt to put out the small fire by stamping on it, thus getting his shoes covered in animal or human excrement.

You will then laugh very hard and drive home with a massive cheesy on your coupon.

[dave258]

Do you get sick pay? Will you be down a day's wage when you're in the Viccy after the jaikey deals you the severe malky?

There's no lights in the close at the moment, and if he'sbanging the door and being aggressive towards a young girl he thinks is by herself then I'm pretty sure that the drunken twat will get a surprise when I open the door. A big, boot in the pie shaped surprise. Anyway, I've taken the mature option and started slamming doors and chapping his letterbox at 6am when I'm working early. See how he likes that, cunto!

[Dee Man]

Right hand neighbour - 12:15AM, hammering something outside back garden.

Sets off left hand weirdos who bang about 'till 4AM.

Got shouted at by them for painting my fence the other day.

f**k this, gonna move.

You let someone off with shouting at you for painting YOUR fence?

Are you the human equivalent of Walter the Softy from Dennis the Menace?

[itzdrk]

im now the loudest person about at 5am as a giruy to the happy hardcore blaring wee slag upstairs

[RH33]

How is Lee at Menzies?!

[RH33]

Life not lee

[YHallSaint]

Ive got what I believe to be at least two families of Poles moved in beside me a few months ago, Ive counted at least 6 kids between 5-15 that are livinf there but their could well be more. I live in a fairly quiet street where everyone knows each other and outwith the odd drunk argument its a fairly good place to stay. Well it was until said families moved in and decided that we would be having techno parties most nights of the week and the kids will be giving the freedom of everyones gardens.

About 6 weeks ago i came home from work to find out my wall outside my front garden lying in said garden, wtf. A neighbour said that the kids were kicking it until a part of it fell down. Fuk this i thought so went to the door to tell the chunt to get hi wallet out and reimburse me. I couldnt get a single word of English out the big ugly Klitchsko looking bawsack so thought right, Game on. I rebuilt the wall only for the next again nite all these kids just sitting on it and kicking a ball against it. Right fuxk this, so after I chased them off decided to paint the top of said wall with Bichemen, The following day I was sitting in the house to hear "aaaarrgghh" with 4 of the wee shits attempted to sit on it and get Tar all over them HAHA.

So after wot i can only imagine was a barrage of insults from one of the dads at me i thought i cant just leave it at this, so after they were out partying in the garden til around 4 am one tuesday i went to work the next day thinking up wot else can I do, and i remembered my mate played a wee practical joke years before by mixing icing sugar and water to make wot looks like a cum mix and put it up my mates wall. Well take this but with 10kg of icing sugar and a Super soaker and you get wot can only be described as "An elephant spunking all over a house", I still dont think they had a clue wot it was or wot had happened but they moved out the following week.

[itzdrk]

How is Lee at Menzies?!

its good man! only taken a couple calls so far though

[QoSStewartry]

Friends of mine have been buying houses as buy-2-lets (no, I don't know where they get the money from either). They bought one next to an angry man.

He went into their garden to put chicken wire over a gap, and was then in their garden every day as he "had the right to maintain" said bit of chicken wire. He parked his car badly to block their shared drive, ripped down their To Let sign and threw half eaten food over the fence.

My friends did their best to ignore. They decided to fix the fence properly, rolling up the chicken wire and leaving out with the screws.

The Police called round the next day to caution my friends for vandalism. Police were apologetic and it hasn't gone further.

So, instead of finding nice, reputable tenants for the house, my friends have agreed a tenancy with the Council for "hard to house" people.

They get the rent paid. Up to the Council to deal with problems caused by the tenants. And angry man is apoplectic, but no-one's noticing.

[Sergeant Wilson]

Ive got what I believe to be at least two families of Poles moved in beside me a few months ago, Ive counted at least 6 kids between 5-15 that are livinf there but their could well be more. I live in a fairly quiet street where everyone knows each other and outwith the odd drunk argument its a fairly good place to stay. Well it was until said families moved in and decided that we would be having techno parties most nights of the week and the kids will be giving the freedom of everyones gardens.

About 6 weeks ago i came home from work to find out my wall outside my front garden lying in said garden, wtf. A neighbour said that the kids were kicking it until a part of it fell down. Fuk this i thought so went to the door to tell the chunt to get hi wallet out and reimburse me. I couldnt get a single word of English out the big ugly Klitchsko looking bawsack so thought right, Game on. I rebuilt the wall only for the next again nite all these kids just sitting on it and kicking a ball against it. Right fuxk this, so after I chased them off decided to paint the top of said wall with Bichemen, The following day I was sitting in the house to hear "aaaarrgghh" with 4 of the wee shits attempted to sit on it and get Tar all over them HAHA.

So after wot i can only imagine was a barrage of insults from one of the dads at me i thought i cant just leave it at this, so after they were out partying in the garden til around 4 am one tuesday i went to work the next day thinking up wot else can I do, and i remembered my mate played a wee practical joke years before by mixing icing sugar and water to make wot looks like a cum mix and put it up my mates wall. Well take this but with 10kg of icing sugar and a Super soaker and you get wot can only be described as "An elephant spunking all over a house", I still dont think they had a clue wot it was or wot had happened but they moved out the following week.

It's fairly bringing your Polish on though.

[dinnamess]

:BIG RANT:

Stayed in the same house for over two years now and I think unfortunately I've inherited a feud between my house and the next door neighbours.

Both the neighbours are in their late 30's/early 40's and are both disabled.

The woman was ok then after an accident left permanently disabled and has to walk on crutches, her husband left her and somehow she's got a new boyfriend who also walks around on crutches. Both of them do not work but one of them manages to run a business from home which involves noise and banging.

They are both on pain relief and must have disturbed sleep and usually get up around midday or later, I never hear a peep out of them before 10AM usually, which is good.

When I moved in I noticed that you could hear any impact noises or bumps/stomping from next door pretty loudly so I was considerate and wore headphones when listening to music and tried to keep the TV down low at night, I also cut the shared lawn and painted the shared fence.

The problems started after the first month or so when I heard them banging around really loudly, I actually thought that they were moving out as it sounded like furniture - this continued pretty much every week night for weeks from 12AM-3/4AM and seriously effected me at work etc.

After a while I managed to build up the courage to speak to them after one of them thanked me for cutting the grass, not only did they not apologise they looked stunned and denied making any noise at all.

For the next few months I then got after 1AM

Banging on the walls - followed by laughing

Flushing the toilet several times in a row

Buying several bird feeders and moving them beside my fence - garden was invaded by birds and caused so much damage by birdshit that I had to repaint my decking and the fence at a cost of £50+

Making the dog bark deliberately

Staring like a mannequin at anyone in my garden from their window

I had to go to them again with a small letter detailing the damage to the garden and asked them nicely if they would take it down, at the same time I placed a fake bird of prey thing on the fence after painting. The fake bird thing blew over their fence and then like a shot one of the was round banging on my door then shouted at me to removed this from their fence as if it was the end of the world. I secured it up on my side of the fence only to be awoken to the sound of the two of them out in the garden at 1AM in the dark - five minutes after I had switched my light off - on a ladder reaching across into my garden trying to remove the item.

I later heard that her accident had been her dog reacting to the previous occupants cat and knocking her over and making her disabled so somehow she thought that this bird was going to attract a cat? But somehow the two dozen finches and pigeons wasn't?

Since then it has calmed down but they still do the following

I do the washing - they do the washing exactly after it

I stay up late Friday or Sat - they 'punish' me for doing this by banging and laughing on a Sunday night/Monday morning

Throwing the ball for the dog against the fence so that it charges into it and damages it

Just being incosiderate arseholes most of the time and banging away like it's the afternoon after midnight.

I really don't want to go to the enviromental health or the council about them but after two years I've had enough of these fucktards and I'm annoyed at the previous occupants for not telling me about this.

I cut their grass and even lent them money so that someone painting my house could do part of theirs and still they are acting like two year olds.

I have resisted the temptation to buy airhorns or the like and give them a rude awakening but wonder if this might get better results?

I have also spotted, not by nosing, that the boyfriend can walk about unassisted out the back and even lay paving slabs despite having a sore enough back to walk about on crutches out the front??! Also how can you run a full time business - that also involves banging - and claim disability? Could they be investigated?

I've never experienced or heard of someone actually deliberately making noise like this before but reckon that the disability and her husband leaving her has turned her into a mentally unstable person who is unable to deal with her situation and is just lashing out.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

seriously, all you need to do is basically print that post out and send it to the councils environmental health dept, I had an issue with that recently, I was the one being complained against, tbf they were brilliant with me cause the complaints were lies, but they take it seriously investigate straight away etc. what they will ask you to do is keep a log of exactly what noises they make and at what times. definitely do that, not like anally retentive but just a couple of days note some stuff down, you might also want to invite someone from the council to come round on the shady to hear for themselves.

they are the only people who can sort it out the sooner you get in touch the sooner its sorted. I'm not for complaining about people but some folk are just arseholes so you either chin the guy or write to the council, chinning disabled dudes is a bit sad and could get you an assault charge so council is the way to go.