Cosmic Joe Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 Has Bairnardo got round to smoking Parisiennes yet? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 Sounds like Mullarkey's wife was round at Ross's bit. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101 Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 3 hours ago, Ross. said: Missus opened a letter today that was addressed to her, no postmark and had clearly been placed in the letterbox by the sender. Turns out it was from one of our neighbours. The letter was a lengthy one, detailing how unhappy the neighbour was that our relatives had been sitting at her table and chairs*, smoking and putting the cigarettes out in her ashtray**, and not bothering to clear up after themselves. To illustrate this, she had helpfully filled a small bag with ash and half smoked cigarettes, popped it in the envelope with the letter, and gave us instructions to put it in our own bin. After reading, Jennifer decided to go over and speak to the woman who sent the letter, because it was all bollocks and she wanted to clear it up rather than let it lie and cause more of an issue. The old dear across the landing, instead of admitting she may have been mistaken, doubled down and said she had clearly seen my mother in law and sister in law doing it over the weekend*** and it wasn’t the first time, and our family need to show more respect to the other neighbours there. It was pointed out that none of the family are smokers, at which point the woman called Jennifer a liar and said she was taking it up with our landlord tomorrow. Not had any issues before with this woman, and get on well with all the neighbours, and our landlord, who I assume will tell the daft old cow to act her age. Could be a developing story mind you. *The ground floor flats have their own designated outside area, in lieu of a balcony. Hers faces the front door of our building, which is where this disgusting crime happened. **I assume it’s her ashtray, but she probably nicked it from a pub going by the Feldschlossen logo on it. ***We were away hiking all day Saturday and at her parents for lunch all day Sunday, so it definitely definitely wasn’t our lot this weekend... Write her a letter claiming that you have noticed that someone was using your patio when you were out and you suspect it's her as the stolen ashtray is full. If she brings up the letter she sent just say what letter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 1 ashtray 1 granny. Shitebag if you dinna. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101 Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 4 minutes ago, Mr. Alli said: 1 ashtray 1 granny. Shitebag if you dinna. That's a video I don't want to see. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 9 hours ago, Mr. Alli said: 1 ashtray 1 granny. Shitebag if you dinna. Bludgeon her to death with it? I'm too pretty for jail and I'm not quite rich enough that I could buy off the charges. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 Missus spoke to the landlord today. Landlord was less than supportive of our view that the old cow was out of order. Missus now wants to move. Ah well. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 1 landlord 1 clawhammer. Shitebag if you dinna. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 Shite on the carpet and fish behind the walls before you leave imo 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 22 hours ago, Mark Connolly said: Sounds like Mullarkey's wife was round at Ross's bit. If Parisiennes is some kind euphemism for golden Virginia roll ups then, yes, she’s been round Ross’s bit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted February 23, 2021 Share Posted February 23, 2021 I could suggest leave some spliffs in the ashtray before you move and then phone the polis Doubt the polis would bother with a couple of spliffs. Hmm .. a couple of burnt spoons and bag of brown substance hidden in a plant pot might do it though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 8 hours ago, tamthebam said: I could suggest leave some spliffs in the ashtray before you move and then phone the polis Doubt the polis would bother with a couple of spliffs. Hmm .. a couple of burnt spoons and bag of brown substance hidden in a plant pot might do it though. Smoking your own is legal here. Selling it isn’t. They would buy her the heroin and injecting kit here to make sure she is using clean stuff... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 13 hours ago, Ross. said: Missus spoke to the landlord today. Landlord was less than supportive of our view that the old cow was out of order. Missus now wants to move. Ah well. So the landlord has just taken her word for it even though you've explained nobody in your household smokes? Burn the fucking lot down. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 40 minutes ago, The Moonster said: So the landlord has just taken her word for it even though you've explained nobody in your household smokes? Burn the fucking lot down. I think the landlord has looked at it from a self protection POV. Old woman who has been there for years and will likely pay rent until she dies, versus young couple only in there a year and will be looking for something bigger in the next couple of years. I can sort of understand that logic. That said, I agree with your conclusion. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Has Bairnardo got round to smoking Parisiennes yet? There are a few folk in Paris I dislike tbf, but now is not the time 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 5 hours ago, Ross. said: Smoking your own is legal here. Selling it isn’t. They would buy her the heroin and injecting kit here to make sure she is using clean stuff... Fair enough. I wonder what would tick off the Schweizer Polizei/les Flics Suisses- fake Toblerone perhaps? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 47 minutes ago, tamthebam said: Fair enough. I wonder what would tick off the Schweizer Polizei/les Flics Suisses- fake Toblerone perhaps? I’d need to somehow fake her having set up a webcam to record whoever was using her table and god forsaken ashtray. Such wanton disregard for our privacy would probably see her loaded into a cannon and fired into Liechtenstein. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 2 minutes ago, Ross. said: I’d need to somehow fake her having set up a webcam to record whoever was using her table and god forsaken ashtray. Such wanton disregard for our privacy would probably see her loaded into a cannon and fired into Liechtenstein. She needs done away with sneakily IMO. If only there was some untraceable locally mass-produced weapon...maybe a knife of some sort. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth Strikes Again Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 Club her over the head with a luxury timepiece. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted February 24, 2021 Share Posted February 24, 2021 3 hours ago, Ross. said: I’d need to somehow fake her having set up a webcam to record whoever was using her table and god forsaken ashtray. Such wanton disregard for our privacy would probably see her loaded into a cannon and fired into Liechtenstein. Threaten to force feed her the ash and that if the accusations happen again you will launch the ashtray through her window. Say it when nobody else can see or hear and say it in such a way that makes you come across as insane. Watch her never complain again and never leave her house again when you are in the vicinity, works every time. The general public have no idea how to handle a loose cannon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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