BFTD Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 6 hours ago, KingRocketman II said: Anyway, the very first Bay Transformers film was fantastic. Overlook some lewd shots of Megan Fox and the movie completely stands up and is built around a boy and his car. It had a simple plot, was funny, great action sequences, fantastic soundtrack (which hasn't been replicated in any of the other movies) and the freshness of the Autobots/Decepticon appearances, with Optimus standing out in his cartoon heroic form (helped by bringing Cullen back on board to voice). I'll die on this (review) hill!. 8/10 "Michael Bay's Transformers was great, and the robots looked really good, but they should've left out the perv shots of Megan Fox" is easily the most mirror universe take I've read on here. Trying to think what would beat that. I really enjoyed The Thing, but they should've cut out the alien and focused more on the lingering shots of empty hallways? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 35 minutes ago, BTFD said: "Michael Bay's Transformers was great, and the robots looked really good, but they should've left out the perv shots of Megan Fox" is easily the most mirror universe take I've read on here. Trying to think what would beat that. I really enjoyed The Thing, but they should've cut out the alien and focused more on the lingering shots of empty hallways? Some of us prefer to get sexual excitement from things like pornography, or actual relationships, or the vague concept of human interaction rather than being delighted that a literal idiot is dressing a school-aged female character in as tight and revealing clothes as possible and making a point of showing her in an assortment of sexually suggestive positions. Still, I haven't reviewed the second one yet, or the ones with Mark Wahlberg making statutory rape jokes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 Anyway Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) Almost legible plot, completely illegible robots, stupid, slightly racist, extremely perverted and still ugly. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 6 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said: Some of us prefer to get sexual excitement from things like pornography, or actual relationships, or the vague concept of human interaction rather than being delighted that a literal idiot is dressing a school-aged female character in as tight and revealing clothes as possible and making a point of showing her in an assortment of sexually suggestive positions. Still, I haven't reviewed the second one yet, or the ones with Mark Wahlberg making statutory rape jokes. Not many, judging by the reactions when that film came out. It was literally the only thing people seemed to enjoy. I swear that film started that strange trend of lingering abdomen shots. Michael Bay has very strange tastes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingRocketman II Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 12 hours ago, BTFD said: "Michael Bay's Transformers was great, and the robots looked really good, but they should've left out the perv shots of Megan Fox" is easily the most mirror universe take I've read on here. Trying to think what would beat that. I really enjoyed The Thing, but they should've cut out the alien and focused more on the lingering shots of empty hallways? 11 hours ago, BTFD said: Not many, judging by the reactions when that film came out. It was literally the only thing people seemed to enjoy. I swear that film started that strange trend of lingering abdomen shots. Michael Bay has very strange tastes. I think there is a fair bit of unintended projection going on here 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweeperDee Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Michael Bay films are fucking shite. Thought this was common knowledge. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
accies1874 Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 I've only seen Armageddon from start to finish, and bits of Pearl Harbour and the first Transformers. None of these since I was a kid though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Just looked at his filmography and the only one I've seen is The Island. First half fairly interesting sci-fi premise. Second half tedious sub-James Bond wannabe action nonsense. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
accies1874 Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Shit, I've seen The Island too. Agree with the above. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Armageddon is great. The Rock is a Nicolas Cage film were Nicolas Cage isn't the most ridiculous person in it despite playing a guy called Stanley Goodspeed. The Island I saw when I was 14 and features Scarlett Johansson in a skintight white onepiece in varying states of distress, so I'll not hear a word against it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 The Rock is an absolutely magnificent film. I agree he should have stopped after that though 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 The Island was a remake, so Bay gets no credit for the premise there. Supposedly his instructors at film school considered him one of the most talented students they'd ever had, but his real talent seems to be tapping into what the mass markets wants. Which is massive amounts of explosions, editing that causes confusion and panic, expensive CG that somehow looks impressive and painful simultaneously, depressing racial/gender stereotypes from yesteryear, and no thought required whatsoever from what little story exists. He's one of the most successful filmmakers ever, up there with Spielberg and James Cameron. He was also behind all those Aughts remakes of classic horror films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, and A Nightmare on Elm Street, so there's that. Thankfully someone seemed to persuade him that hot sexy shots of young women might be a bit inappropriate for the latter; a film about teens discovering they were abused by a maniac at nursery school. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 The Island was a ripoff, not a remake. They settled out of court. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) I can't do the brief, glib reviews any more. This was stupefying. I've seen bad films before. I've seen films I couldn't follow before. I've seen films where I didn't care about what was happening before. The second film was apparently panned much more than this and the first, and I'm not sure how. There's an irony that in a film about warring robotic aliens coming to Earth that absolutely nothing that happens bears any resemblance to any sort of reality ever experienced by anyone in the history of humanity. No one in this is real, and look who's in it. John Turturro! John Malkovich! Patrick Dempsey! Alan Tudyk! Frances McDormand! She has three Oscars! She didn't when she did this and she seems to be doing a bad Jane Lynch impression, but look at the names! People you've heard of who can actually act! Maybe it's a joke. An elaborate ruse. They all treat what's going on with the contempt it deserves. Kelsey Grammer is in the next one. Sideshow Bob, that'll improve things. You might have noticed if you've seen a Michael Bay film, but do me a favour if any of my reviews have intrigued you enough to give these a try. Count how many shots you see where the camera doesn't move. I don't know how people can watch these and not suffer from motion sickness. I checked the time as I was watching this and I was 1 hour 50 in. It felt like I'd been there for years. It felt like I'd been getting battered round the head by the robots too. Endless. Horrible. Ugly. Stupid. Insulting. Perverted. At least it wasn't racist. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 See also: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Miguel, take a look at the roster of actors who appeared in Uwe Boll's films I don't get the impression that many actors are terribly picky about the quality of films they appear in, and the ones who are seem to get into production so they have some level of control. Bad memories of working in the service industry during "rest" periods, I guess. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 4 hours ago, BTFD said: Miguel, take a look at the roster of actors who appeared in Uwe Boll's films I don't get the impression that many actors are terribly picky about the quality of films they appear in, and the ones who are seem to get into production so they have some level of control. Bad memories of working in the service industry during "rest" periods, I guess. Me, watching the fourth one right now: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Why would you hurt yourself like this, Miguel? Whatever you did, it can't deserve this level of punishment. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) This one hasn't finished yet. I fancy a holiday in Hong Kong. Hopefully the robotic dinosaurs and Stanley Tucci are gone by the time I get there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Kneelcaster Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 “All Quiet On The Western Front” (German remake) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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