Reynard Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 That latin teacher was an utter eccentric, his arrival in school every morning was always greeted with much hilarity. He always got a lift from one of the maths teachers who drove a red transit van for no reason whatsoever. He would never sit in the passenger seat though and he always had to be let out the van doors at the back. He was the sort of teacher that should have been at a private school somewhere instead of that place. Bow tie, tweedy jackets and a briefcase he probably got from his dad and a savage hair parting made more prominent by use of brylcreem. His RE classes were utterly out of control at all times, no sod ever listend to a word he said or did a stroke of work in there and he never used to notice or appear to notice. There was also a physics teacher who looked like black and white movie hero Harold Lloyd. So he used to get the theme tune whistled at him a lot. Id fucking hate to be a teacher. At least back then you could get belted I suppose. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Being a teacher is fucking great. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K.T Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 In 6th year my friend took home ec to fill up his timetable. Soon after he decided it was shite so walked out of the class. On his way out the door the teacher asked him where he was going and he said "oh... sorry, I'm competing the world chess championships" She believed him and he was excused. He used this excuse for the next few months until someone in the class decided as a joke to send a certificate to the school indicating that my mate had won the world chess championships. He was called down to the guidance base to be met by gleaming teachers and head teachers and a photographer from the local paper. He got half way through accepting their praise and getting his photo taken with the fake certificate when he finally admitted it was a lie. He was lucky not to get suspended and at the 6th year ball he got an award for the best excuse to get out of class of all time. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteamingparBoz Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I mind my old Business management teacher Mr Wilson went apeshit one day at some stuck up wee hoor and threw a chair, narrowly missing many pupils. Sound guy though, always had a laugh with him but when he went off on one, he blew up like a volcanoe. Mind another day the fire alarm went off 3 or 4 times in a row just as everyone was getting back to class. Was hilarious as there was a class who were in swimming and stood freezing for ages. Mind a big group from St Columbus came up to kick off and half the school chased them back to Aberdour Road 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capybara Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Best thing I've read on this thread. Proper old school buggery. It's like a private school way of being a rebel I was at Stirling High. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 The TV remote story reminded me about one guy who replaced a German listening tape with a Metallica one and turned the speaker system up full blast. The poor old biddie absolutely shat herself when she hit the play button. Like the egg story, my German teacher before her had coins thrown at the blackboard. That German class was most memorable for one girl taking full advantage of one situation. [Rector walks into room] Rector: "As half of you will know, a very serious incident took place in the last class and I would like to speak to some of you regarding what was said to your R.E. teacher Mr Tully" [Girl stands up and shouts very loudly]: Girl: "Sir, she called him a f***ing Irish b*****d, Sir!" During one month, the fire alarm went off at the same time every week which confused the hell out of all the staff as none of the fire points had any glass smashed. Turns out one guy in my year had stolen and made a copy of the test key from the janitor's room and used this during his double-maths class every week just because he couldn't be arsed with it. The downside to this was that one class ended up standing in the sports field assembly point in their Speedos every week, which everyone but them found hilarious. A prank on a friend once backfired as I sent him an email from 'administrator@postmanpat.com' as you can pick any name you want from that domain and send anonymous emails. The email pretended to quote an alleged earlier email involving how he wanted to 'stroke Postman Pat's pussy' etc and claimed that this email was being forwarded to the police under the Computer Misuse Act. My friend then asked his Computing teacher about this and in the end it got the head of dept. and the rector involved after he had to read out this cringeworthy saucy letter out in front of the class. We got it all cleared up in the end thankfully. In a moment of madness, I once threw a basketball in my PE teacher's face from point blank range while he was sitting down taking the register and asked me to pass him the ball. Somehow I managed to bullshit my way out of it. I had said German teacher in standar grade. Suffice to say, the term 'stop foooooooootering' became common. Mr Tully was a dreadful tosser and simply couldn't be arsed. I suppose that's why he was a sub teacher. He just used to shove videos on. As for the basketball incident, I remember it well, and have just sat laughing at it for a good few minutes. Said teacher, who was my P.E teacher in 5th year and actually quite sound, was not so impressed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoapMactavish Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 How old are you? I think I was in 4th year maybe when it happened, it was a boy called Ally that done it, you'll probably know him. My Uncle went to Garnock, is called Ally, and that sounds exactly the kind of thing he would do 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBeither Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 How old are you? I think I was in 4th year maybe when it happened, it was a boy called Ally that done it, you'll probably know him. I'm 23. Not too sure who the guy was. Pretty sure someone was letting off fireworks in the science block corridors at one point aswell 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBeither Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Oh, I also hold a school record. Only person ever to score an own goal at basketball 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingapar Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I had the fortune to be in the same class as a big, daft delight called Wullie Vanbeck. Highlights in Wullie's school career were... Bringing in a massive universal remote control to change the channel when he knew we were getting a video. This thing stuck out the top of his rucksack, needed two people to hold it and a professional boxer to punch the buttons in. Hilarity ensued when the teacher couldn't understand why the tele kept switching over. Throwing another of our classmates around a dog shit strewn field like an empty tracksuit after said classmate was mental enough to get on Wullie's bad side. Best of all though, bringing in his Mum's dildo that he must have found earlier that morning on a treasure hunt of his parent's bedroom cupboards. This thing was nearly as big as his universal remote control and had a wee smiley face painted on it. Hilarity once again ensued when he started waving it around his head when the teacher was looking the other way. Big Wullie VB = Legend. Assuming we're thinking of the same guy, I mind him being set about on the school bus by a couple of renowned bullies one day. The net result was two shattered bullies, a window hanging out the frame and WVB sitting in his seat completely non plussed as though a gentle spring breeze had whisped past. I'll assume you'll also be aware of a certain lanky simpleton by the name of Stephen Green. I have many stories regarding him but alas, none school related. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kilbirniefan Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 My Uncle went to Garnock, is called Ally, and that sounds exactly the kind of thing he would do I'm sure its happened on many occasions! I'm 23. Not too sure who the guy was. Pretty sure someone was letting off fireworks in the science block corridors at one point aswell Sure that wasn't Mr Gemmel that was letting the fireworks off? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uni Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 One of the more surreal moments in my primary school life was walking into the toilets I must have been in P4 and some kids who was a few years younger than me just said "Hi Mister, I've just been sick and it's brown, just like pooh." I was more confused by the fact at the grand old age of 8 I was called "mister". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Most of the best moments in school came from my loveable but thick as f**k mate, Christ that boy was a legend. Some of his antics include: Doing his Higher English Exam on Harry Potter. Writing said exam on the characterisation of Gandalf in Harry Potter. Being asked in front of the class who the leader of the Austro-Hungarian Empire was, and answering Wesley Snipes. His logic was "the name came in to my head, so I thought it might be true". Playing the orgasm game (bogies but with orgasm noises) and getting carried away, with everyone looking at his camp orgasm noises. Writing a story in English about a man who wanted to f**k his dog. Asking a guy to the school leaving party, "for a joke". (that was Primary School) Shiting himself on a night out (eat your heart out McKee) Top lad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long live the 69 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) Jesus Christ, i'm gonna have a field day with this! At our 6th year prom/graduation, we (prefects) were given the responsibilty of giving awards for everyone in our year (i got the "Gay best friend" incidently ) but a "neddy" girl in my year had been going out with a 1st year (and done 'stuff'. Source: herself), so being pre-anti secterian times, I took it upon myself to suggest she got the "Jock Stein award". Safe to say, she & the headteachers weren't very happy. During 5th year (I think), I used to dog English as i really couldn't be fucked with it. On a Tuesday & Friday we'd have it after lunch, so i'd spend 55mins in the boys toilets waiting for the next subject to come (because the toilets were still open). On one occasion, the day after we got our exam results back (which i never bothered going in for) i found everyone bar 1 (male & female) in the boys toilets hiding from Mrs Livingston. Some time later in the year, i walked in to find a younger guy sitting in one of the sinks having a w**k. I told everyone about this, and that's why i got my prom award. The best story i think is during my final 6th year Modern Studies exam. This was around 2pm in the day, and in a large gym hall, only rows D, E & F were being used. So it's halfway through the paper, and all of a sudden we hear a crash at the back of the hall. Maybe a jacket falling or something? No. Turns out one of the invigilators decided to sit on the wee desks you use, and the thing crumbled under her. We all turned round & whilst keeping a motionless face, she confidently said "I apolgise for the disturbance, please continue". Ah i loved school. Edited February 10, 2012 by Long live the 69 -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkers83 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I was a good little girl at school. I always studied hard and made sure not to get in with the wrong crowd, I even let some of the teachers have their way with me... (only the good looking ones ) If youve got it flaunt it is what i always say 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I was a good little girl at school. I always studied hard and made sure not to get in with the wrong crowd, I even let some of the teachers have their way with me... (only the good looking ones ) If youve got it flaunt it is what i always say Why are you pretending to be female? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I had said German teacher in standar grade. Suffice to say, the term 'stop foooooooootering' became common. Ah, Frau Cow. I even had a 'behavioural timetable' just for her class despite getting glowing reports from every other teacher I had. I only got one set of lines during the whole of my school life and that was in 6th year for giving a mate my chemistry homework to copy so he wouldn't get any - stupid bugger copied it word for word. Anyway, she didn't like me so I didn't like her - that's how it rolled. I was actually accused of throwing those coins to begin with. Suspect No.1, which is quite an unwanted honour considering some of the nutters in that class. I've also this minute just remembered the electronic parrot that shouted 'f**k-yoooou-cha!' that I brought back from Japan at the time and drove her up the wall with. Other notable teachers included the Latin / japanese teacher who used to punch the shit out of his filing cabinet, leaving several dents to scare the pupils and an RE teacher who had a toilet pass sellotaped to a toilet seat to act as a deterrent for leaving and would smash a hockey stick off your table if you happened to be day dreaming or whatever. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkers83 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Why are you pretending to be female? because im sexy and i know it 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dan_ict Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 One of my best friends Callum made my German teacher's life hell. She was German so we all laughed at her accent anyway. Some of Callum's antics included shining a laser pen in her eye, farting on her and the best one : Leaving a used condom that we found on the pitch on her desk. She picked it up and started waving it about going doolally. There was still a bit of "discharge" in the johnny and after waving it about, it went in her eye. There was pandemonium in the classroom. Kids were suffocating as they were laughing to much. For months later, everyone took great delight in telling Mrs Kuntz To "Swallow next time". She left at the end of that year as did Callum, both leaving behind a legacy. I don't think anyone will ever top that at Kingussie High. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karpaty Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I had an American RE teacher in first year who was too nice in a way. Any way once a few bibles fell from the bookshelf and she just errupted and went "OH MY GOD, THE WORD OF GOD IS ON THE FLOOR!". Best one however was when she was giving someone into trouble and said "WHO WIPES YOUR FANNY IN THE MORNING?!" she obviously never knew why we were in stitches and I think it was a girl she said it to who was left mortified. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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