School stories

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

I recall one day in maths a classmate who will remain nameless, ( Michael Coventry ), who at 14 was about 6 foot tall, managed to incur the wrath of Mr Robertson.

Mr Robertson was lacking in stature and went by the moniker of Ronnie Corbett.

Mike was called forward to receive 4 of the best, he held his hands together but at the height of a Nazi salute, it was obvious that Ronnie was not going to make contact given his height so he drew up a chair.

Now standing on the chair in front of Mike and at the right height he drew back the tawse and struck, Mike moved to one side sending Ronnie crashing to the deck.

Mike 1, Ronnie 0.

Another maths teacher that we had was Elenor Howie, she was OK but a bit tiresome.

Anyway, I was running down the drive towards the gate on the way home in the afternoon, the drive was chockablock so I stepped onto the grass next to the running track to overtake her and half the school.

Next thing I knew I slipped on mud, landed on my arse and skited 10 feet in the glaur.

I looked up and saw Ms Howie with a puss about to burst, trying not to laugh, fucker, it was all over the school next day.

Zen 0, Elenor 1.

Anyway back to Mike.

We could never figure out why he was Ms Howies pet, as we always had maths just before lunch and she asked him to go and get her a pie from the van that parked outside the gate.

This went on for a whole term before anyone plucked up the courage to ask him why.

It turned out she'd pissed him off in the previous year and this was payback.

How we asked with baited breath.

Well said Mike, on the way back from the van when out of sight of the classroom hut, he would pick his nose and push the bogie into the hole in the pie.

Mike 1, Elenor 0.

After that I settled for a draw.

[mattydfc]

The majority of my teachers were alcoholics.

[wunfellaff]

Picture the scene............1983,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, just been sent to Edinburgh as a wean (16) , do I go wae the Hibbie causals and join the PO? The gays and Standard Life ?

Or take lunch in the Pheonix with girls who dance on tables for a living?............and a teacher walks in .................

2nd best jukers in Emro btw after the Black Bull.............................

[ScottR96]

I'm in 5th year and I'm enjoying school more than ever - the teachers stop being p***ks and have a bit of a laugh with you and have a bit more respect for pupils in general once you go into senior school.

The best story I've heard is from my Tecnical teacher. He is Celtic daft and when Celtic went to Seville he couldn't go as it was during the school term. He was apparently in a c**t of a mood for days and a lassie handed him an absence note explaining that she wouldn't be in school for a week. The note read: "Please excuse Lorraine from school next week as she's going to Seville and you're no!"

Another one involving myself this time. I was in 2nd year and we were discussing temptation in RE. The teacher came to me and asked if I had ever been tempted to do something bad. I told the story of how I had found £110 in the street and how I was tempted to hand it in. The school sent a letter home expressing concerns about my judgement between right and wrong.

[Gaz FFC]

A boy in my German class brought his imaginary friend Gary to class one day and gave him his own desk and chair before storming out the class half an hour in take Gary to the airport. To this day, no one knows if he genuinely believed Gary existed.

I exist.

[itzdrk]

looks like my last story was r8 popular

[kilbirniefan]

What age are you Kilbirniefan?

17. After talking about the boy that took the firework to school I was with him tonight for the first time in months, quite weird haha

Are you "Graeme" on the Ladeside forum?

Edited February 11, 2012 by kilbirniefan

[The Troll]

I guarantee 50% of these stories are utter bullshit, 25% happened to other folk but are being claimed by someone else and the rest are true

[SodjesSixteenIncher]

Picture the scene............1983,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, just been sent to Edinburgh as a wean (16) , do I go wae the Hibbie causals and join the PO? The gays and Standard Life ?

Or take lunch in the Pheonix with girls who dance on tables for a living?............and a teacher walks in .................

2nd best jukers in Emro btw after the Black Bull.............................

I'm just in the door from a fine Edinburgh establishment by the name of the Phoenix. It's USP is definately it's jukey but table dancing?

Been drinking there since I was about 16 and have quite a rapport with its famous bald propriator but didn't know it's sordid history. Or am I thinking of a different place?

[black and gold army]

Remember one time in R.E we were talking about buddhism and the teacher turned to my mate and goes "Who was the founder of buddhism". My mate turned to him and goes "Buddha big belly". Teacher wasn't pleased but it had everyone in stitches.

Another time at a school football tournament, my mate interrupted the teacher giving us a passionate team-talk to answer his phone. All you heard was this phone going off and my mate just pulls his phone out and goes "2 minutes"

[ka202]

We had a teacher at high school who thought he was a bit of a hit with the ladies, trying it on with the prefects, always stories coming out about him up the town getting fired into some 17 yr old birds, bit of a sleaze but the birds loved him. He would actually be trying it on with pupils in his class, wee risky jokes here and there, it was f*cking cringeworthy for all the boys in the class who hated him with a passion. He thought he was the ticket with his designer stubble and skin tight, hair dresser tops. One day we set up a practical joke for a random pupil, we poured about 5 strawberry milkshakes into a bucket and jammed it into one of those fire doors that automatically closed, checked to see if anyone was coming then ran halfway up the stairs. When we noticed it was said teacher who was coming in the door next we shat it and tried to run down to get the bucket to pull it down, we were stuck in limbo, will we get it down and risk being caught or stay up stairs and run like fcuk? He opened the door talking away to a prefect girl (surprise). We ran away laughing uncontrollably, I turned round to see him standing there, black v neck hairdresser top, designer stubble and notes covered in milk. Amazing, he knew it was us but couldnt prove it, the best thing about it was it was morning break about 10 am and had to sit all day in a stinking mess, absolute class as we had him last period, uncontrollable laughter all round

[forehead7]

The best story i think is during my final 6th year Modern Studies exam. This was around 2pm in the day, and in a large gym hall, only rows D, E & F were being used. So it's halfway through the paper, and all of a sudden we hear a crash at the back of the hall. Maybe a jacket falling or something? No. Turns out one of the invigilators decided to sit on the wee desks you use, and the thing crumbled under her. We all turned round & whilst keeping a motionless face, she confidently said "I apolgise for the disturbance, please continue".

One of my mates(who we liked to make fun of because he was a bit fat, made even worse that his excuse was that he had a slow metabolism) did that before the Standard Grade Tech exam, we were just hanging out in the hall, papers weren't handed out cause it was only about 8 of us doing it and the table folded. I probably pished myself laughing.

He also enraged our media studies teacher after a year of critically examining The Matrix by constantly referencing the main character 'Neil' in his nab. :lol:

I used to do that with the word "jocular" in English close reading papers, I think my teacher was just impressed that I could find legitimate ways to use the word in every text we did throughout the year, considering it was set 8(out of 10) for English and no one else in the class knew the word cause we were a bunch of thickos.

I got on the school bus once and all the 6th years with a few days of school left were down the front of the top deck where all the first-years sat. You know the score... the older you get, the further back you can go. Some kids' dream is to sit on that back seat with the guy in the middle being the alpha male.

So, the first years came on and are a bit miffed about the situation. The 6th years say to them that they can have the back seats as they quite like it down there for a change. The first years go up to the back, living the dream and all that, only for the 6th years to then charge them and beat the shit out of them. Kids trapped upside down between seats, wedgies left right and centre, puddles of tears, you get the picture.

The 6th years did that to a second year on the way to somewhere, but they didn't give them the seats. They said they'd give anyone 20 quid if they managed to touch the back window, so they started leathering any challengers. One of the second years ended up on the floor and when the teacher walked up to stop it he said "Mr Dunlop, I'm on the floor", to which he was told "yes, I can see that, Harry". Absolute Swampy that guy.

Nothing really happened to me at school. Got lunchtime detention (walking around the cafeteria for 15 minutes with binbags, collecting rubbish) for sword fighting with the tubes inside wrapping paper. The teacher was apparently saving them and wasn't best pleased when we wrecked them.

I left in 5th year and the year I left, the 6th years floured one of the deputy head teachers' offices.

There was also a massive knob drawn in the frost on the pitches outside the school. I'm not sure how big a rugby pitch is but it was pretty much the full length of that so it was massive.

edit: we also had a mad teacher. Got fired because he picked a student up, by the shirt, and pushed him up against the wall.(might be worse if you know that I went to a private school so not something that'd be expected in that sort of environment)

Edited February 11, 2012 by forehead7

[Mr. Brightside]

Anyone who went to Claremont/Calderglen may recognise this name; Miss Clarkson. She was maybe still is a French teacher, although I doubt it because she is incompetent. I had her for French in third and fourth year, and basically cheated my way through those two years, not that I couldn't do the work, I just had a nap whenever I was in the class, knowing that come exam time I could cheat. She was just one of those teachers you could say and do anything to and get away with, it was excellent, as I said, I just slept. But one guy was going in to the class one day and I was just behind him, he brought out a party popper, popped it and entered through the streams of paper saying "KING SCOTT HAS ARRIVED!" it was rather funny. However, this was the one time she took something serious and sent him to the headteacher and he ended up getting suspended for a week.

[GiGi]

One of my best friends Callum made my German teacher's life hell. She was German so we all laughed at her accent anyway. Some of Callum's antics included shining a laser pen in her eye, farting on her and the best one : Leaving a used condom that we found on the pitch on her desk. She picked it up and started waving it about going doolally. There was still a bit of "discharge" in the johnny and after waving it about, it went in her eye. There was pandemonium in the classroom. Kids were suffocating as they were laughing to much. For months later, everyone took great delight in telling Mrs Kuntz To "Swallow next time". She left at the end of that year as did Callum, both leaving behind a legacy. I don't think anyone will ever top that at Kingussie High.

Nothing has ever not happened more than this.

[IrishBhoy]

My hands are blood-free, but sometimes you need to know your place and that you have to earn it.

I also remember having a massive paper fight on the bus with folk ripping their jotters apart to the point you were over ankle deep with paper balls wherever you went. There was even a 'paper-fall' down the steps to the deck below. It was like going to school in a ball-pit with wheels. They even had an emergency assembly about the whole fiasco for some reason.

Tannoy around the school: "Could all pupils who came to school on the 'Purple Bus' please come to the assembly hall immediately. You know why."

Actually, tannoy sounds a bit fancy for our school. More than likely it was a prefect taking a note from class to class seeing as I was given that task once.

I think the cruelest thing I did with my new prefect powers was ask a new 1st year for a hall pass while I was out of class myself, despite the school not having a hallpass code. When he said he wasn't given one, I lied and said I'd need to take him to the headteacher for skiving. At this point he burst into tears as it turned out he was lost. Hell beckons :-(

Tannoy is a brand name. Public Adress system would be the appropriate term for your fictional story.

[10 CC ICT]

There was a boy in my primary by the name of john Beaton. One day he fell from the top of the concrete stairs all the way to the bottom.

Not a tear, not a sound. Just got up brushed himself down and walked away.

From that day almost 40 years ago he has been known as rubber Johnny.

[Drooper]

The majority of my teachers were alcoholics.

If I were a teacher, I'd certainly be an alcoholic.

Most likely a dead alcoholic by now.

I made reference to my school trip to Norway earlier in the thread, with blackmail being mentioned.

Curiously enough, this is possibly the incident of which I am least proud.

I'd have been in 3rd year, and we went to Norway (just outside Bergen by Hardangerfjord, and stunning it was). It was ostensibly a geography field trip to explore the fasctinating geology etc., but we went along as it seemed like an opportunity for a carry on. Why else?

Anyway, I won't bore you with all the daft carry-on, but it did get a bit extreme at times, and I suspect we were fortunate to get out of the country, on the ferry, and home, without incurring the further wrath of the Norwegian authorities (they'd have had good reason).

I had been one of the ringleaders of the miscreant behaviour, and the teachers decided that, in order to avoid any further incident, and by way of a punishment, I would be confined to my cabin on the return journey. Needless to say, I wasn't having any of that. I then sought out said teachers - specifically targetting the younger, vulnerable variation, and advised that that as soon as we hit land, I'd be informing all who might have an interest that they had clearly failed to supervise us adequately because they were sitting in their own chalet having a few refreshments and whatever other shenanigans they might have indulged in. If they relented on my punishment, of course, such reporting wouldn't be necessary.

One of the teachers was reduced to tears, but relent they did.

At the time, I thought I was simply doing what I had to do. There was no malice in it, but I still look back on this with a degree of shame. The teachers were a decent bunch. Young (for the most part), enthusiastic, and they cut us a fair degree of slack. My sleekit, nasty wee blackmail tactic was pretty tawdry, and they didn't deserve it. If I could apologise to them even now, I would do it.

I can understand why they enjoyed a relaxing drink after a day supervising a shower of 12 - 16 year old scumbags like ourselves. I would have been hammering it if I was a teacher on that trip.

So, as I say, I can appreciate why teachers often become alcoholics. 14-year-old blackmailers wouldn't help.

Edited February 11, 2012 by Drooper

[Guest The Phoenix]

The majority of my teachers were alcoholics.

Understandable.

[gingapar]

I'll fling an RE story in. we'd been doing work on book roots, studying racism and slavery and no one was interested. Everyone would sit chatting, which the teacher largely ignored, only pulling one guy (johnny) up every time he spoke. Eventually the brief conversation went.

"right johnathan, outside"

To which he stood up and replied with gusto

"but Toby be good Nigger for Fiddler".

The whole class went purple, the boys laughing, the girls in 'we're mature now' disgust and the teacher in pure fury. Was a great cure for a thoroughly boring afternoon

[ayrunitedfw]

Doing my Duke of Edinburgh awards at some campsite. There was another couple of boys from a near-by school who were all sharing a tent. One of my mates had brought a condom as one of the girls had said she would shag him (ended up not happening) as she got a viral infection the day before.So we filled the Condom with milk and sat it outside the boys tent.