School stories

[RadgerTheBadger]

I had the fortune to be in the same class as a big, daft delight called Wullie Vanbeck.

Highlights in Wullie's school career were...

Bringing in a massive universal remote control to change the channel when he knew we were getting a video. This thing stuck out the top of his rucksack, needed two people to hold it and a professional boxer to punch the buttons in. Hilarity ensued when the teacher couldn't understand why the tele kept switching over.

Throwing another of our classmates around a dog shit strewn field like an empty tracksuit after said classmate was mental enough to get on Wullie's bad side.

Best of all though, bringing in his Mum's dildo that he must have found earlier that morning on a treasure hunt of his parent's bedroom cupboards. This thing was nearly as big as his universal remote control and had a wee smiley face painted on it. Hilarity once again ensued when he started waving it around his head when the teacher was looking the other way.

Big Wullie VB = Legend.

kirckaldys finest??

Went to kirckaldys high school??

Edited April 17, 2016 by HairyBawz

[ebbes20silkcut]

Just remembered about an infamous pupil at inverurie academy, Graham Milne, aka "fool"

We had an open plan English department, each class was separated by screens ,these things were around 5 ft, high, with material on the outside , a gap at the bottom, and two metal stands, they were standard issue in schools those days.

Anyway , as our English teacher Mr Cockburn ( nicknamed fanny freeze) , went sit at his desk, fool had crouched down, on the other side of the screen, in an adjoining class, and as fanny freeze went to sit down, he pulled the chair from under him, , look you should've been there, as the c**t, got back up incandescent he barged through a gap in the screens and asked , who was that?,

To which fool replied whilst still holding the chair " wasn't fucking me"

[DDcups]

kirckaldys finest??

Went to kirckaldys high school??

Wonder if it's the same c**t I'm thinking of?

[craigkillie]

I hated maths and don't remember anything about it, so I've no idea what this is actually called, but something we had to work out involved figuring out where the answer lay somewhere on a graph. This is the pneumonic for remembering it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_Students_Take_Calculus

After our teacher told us to try and come up with our own versions, one boy says he has one but it's a bit rude. Fine, she says, on you go. "All Sadacts Teabag Children." Pandemonium as all the boys in the class collapse with laughter and the girls all look around each other, bemused. Maths the next day sees the boy who came up with it standing at the front looking sheepish stood next to the teacher who was furious. Nobody had the nerve to ask her how she find out.

 

We had a pal called Alan, and pretty much everyone in my class remembered it with the mnemonic "Alan Sucks The Cock".

 

[11thHour]

My mate tombstoned me but didn't support my back, when I was dropped on my head I damn near snapped in half and my back was fucked for weeks after. Good school yard wrasslin'.

 

Lassie in my year got steaming one weekend and was that out of it she ended up shitting her pants in the middle of the street.

[PWL]

We had a bomb scare at school, a lad in my wee brothers year took in an old hand grenade he found in his garden., que school evacuation.

We had a quality bomb "incident" too.

Bear in mind the fact that Faslane was only 3 miles up the road and, in the late 80s, the Irish Troubles were ongoing with regular bombs down south.

A slightly strange kid from a couple of years below us brought in a 'device' constructed of wires, plasticine and circuit boards etc. He left at the door of a guidance teacher he'd fallen out with. Cue mass evacuation of 1,000+ delighted kids and panicing teachers.

In a slightly sinister fashion, the kid just disappeared and was never heard from...

Oh, and on a different note, apparently Terri Green let you piss in her mouth.

Edited April 19, 2016 by PWL

[Deefiant]

I twice administered a severe hiding to my little brother at school.

 

I should make it clear that my brother is both thick as f**k and loves a good scrap - as a youngster he was keen to basically fight anyone he could and would never consider backing down.

 

First time I stopped a fight between him and a guy in my year at school (3 years difference) only to have my wee brother go ballistic that I'd stopped it and start on me.

 

2nd time he took a vibrator into school which came from my mum and dads wardrobe. He was happily telling anyone who saw it that it was my dads. To be fair to him, he was telling the truth - the vibrator was gifted to my dad upon leaving the RAF by his colleagues as an additional jokey gift. My wee brother had actually unboxed the thing that very morning as it had never been opened but of course he never communicated these facts to his peers.

 

This was all just a half understood  joke to him and his 1st year mates, but to my 4th year mates it meant my old man loved battering 8 inch vibrators up his arse. A teacher got wind of him having this item so in order to dispose of it he launched it onto the school roof.

 

I found out when my mate told me my wee brother was at the rectors office, and was getting excluded for bringing in my dads vibrator and launching it onto the roof.

 

I battered him bloody outside the rectors office after realizing I would probably have to abandon the idea of staying on at school due to embarrasment, getting myself excluded in the process. A very embarrassed mum came to collect us.

 

In fairness to my mates and fellow school folk it was never brought up with me again - they are either very understanding or saw the state I got myself (and my brother) into and decided not to mention it again.

[KnightswoodBear]

It's ok, Deefiant, I'm sure no one on here would stoop as low as to bring it up again.

[smpar]

I threw a chair at a maths teacher and threw another teacher to the floor in 1st year. I done the teaching those days.

Hopefully not the English teaching.

[Miguel Sanchez]

Is the vibrator still on the roof?

[KnightswoodBear]

Is the vibrator still on the roof?

 

I didn't think it was a worthy follow up to Fiddler on the Roof.

[Deefiant]

It's ok, Deefiant, I'm sure no one on here would stoop as low as to bring it up again.

 

 

I've matured significantly since then KB

[Deefiant]

Is the vibrator still on the roof?

 

 

I have no idea - I doubt my old boy went and asked for it back tbf

[dee_62]

Delighted to have stumbled across this thread!

 

Great memories of a much simpler time

 

like when - the class numpty brought in a polly bag filled with the biggest "doofer" any of us had ever seen - probably called something else at other schools but basically, people used to chew paper and throw it at the walls over the heads of the teachers.  Anyway, he brings out this (almost football sized) paper mache lump and throws it up at the ceiling - only for it to explode into its smaller pieces and cover the class.  The centre part of it did stick and didn't come down for a few days!

 

or when - our Latin teacher suffered from a "heads gone" moment - when my pal kept pronouncing the verb "to take out" as exTRAhere but he wanted it pronounced extraHERE.  The teacher kept wandering around the room screaming extraHAIRY, extraHAIRY to a room full of sniggering 2nd years.

 

or when - I stood up in class (P7) and proclaimed to the rest of the group that a Dildo was a wild dog from Australia - flushed bright red once I understood everyone's reaction.

 

or when - in our 1st year Math class - our teacher didn't have much control so we did the old grange hill humming game that was referred to on one of the first pages in the thread. We're all staring at one corner of the room making out the sound was coming from there and he was going ballistic.  (Found out later that he'd been thrown down the stairs of his previous school by some pupils and broke both his legs - kids can always spot a weakness eh?)

 

or when - I took in a pair of boxing gloves that I'd found in the attic and while waiting for our Spanish teacher to come in  - me and my pal put one on each and started jabbing each other - teacher walks in and we both end up getting the belt!

 

or when - during History my pal (from the Latin class) was asked to go out to the office and bring in the teacher's belt.  The deputy rector was taking the class and was determined to instill some order. (He was the type that always used surnames for boys and Christian names for girls).  Anyway, he held up the regular teacher's belt and was deflated to see it slump over before announcing to the class that he won't be belting anyone today until he brings his own belt over as his belt stands up straight as a rod!!  Half the class burst out laughing, the other were still bricking it!

[smpar]

 

 

like when -

 

or when - 

 

or when -

 

or when -

 

or when -

 

or when - 

[Cardinal Richelieu]

I assume '62 refers to Dundee winning the league rather than your year of birth! Otherwise, you must have been kept back in first year maths a few times!

[Sergeant Wilson]

Is the vibrator still on the roof?

No, his da' went up and got it.

[milton75]

Loved reading this thread. I've got quite a few, really enjoyed mischief at school, but I realise some may only be amusing/of interest to me, so will drop them in in dribs and drabs.

Will be interested to see if anyone knows what school I went to as a result though...

[milton75]

First thing I would say is that, not counting the following stories, generally we were quite "good". Got on reasonably well with mist teachers... didn't get in too many fights... got good marks, etc. Was always being told I was cheeky, but no-one seemed too upset.

The following all took place between 1989 and 1995...

A guy in my year shat himself (very badly) during what was apparently a "farting competition". Basically a lad in my year could fart frequently and nearly on demand. The guy who shat himself couldn't.

Those sitting around him in the class could only describe it to us as "an awful sound", before he tried to get out his seat and leave the class to resolve matters.

Sadly a trail of evidence prevented any doubt, and within a day more or less everyone else simply screamed "shat himself" as he passed.

[milton75]

In 6th year we were prefects, and one of the things they had us do was make sure everyone came in after breaks in "an orderly fashion".

The entrance to the boys' cloakroom was where we were often stationed and an occasional game was to take everyone's bags and jackets off the hooks and launch them in one corner.

When everyone came in and tried to find their stuff inevitable chaos would ensue. We'd wait till it got properly manic then start pushing the back of the crowd into a giant pile up. Several really enjoyable mass fights broke out because of this.