Annoying things people write on Facebook

[Estragon]

.....and the thick cow who posted this says,

Be a ware.

Is that per egg? i.e. would 3 eggs reduce your vision by 277.5%?

Asking for a friend.

[Swarley]

My sister just posted a photo asking people for help tracing a missing kid. So you know...good for her. The kid went missing in October 1967.
I haven't shared.

Is she trying to tell you something?

[Shotgun]

21 minutes ago, Swarley said:

Is she trying to tell you something?

I don't think so. I've only been missing since the early '80s.

[Man of Aran]

If I went into a toilet and saw that, I'd shite in the sink.

[killiefan27]

Close thread, I've found the worst thing.

(you'll never guess which team the guy who shared this supports...)

[Swarley]

Close thread, I've found the worst thing.
(you'll never guess which team the guy who shared this supports...)

Barcelona?

[Shandon Par]

13 hours ago, killiefan27 said:

Close thread, I've found the worst thing.

(you'll never guess which team the guy who shared this supports...)

Falkirk?

[Trackdaybob]

10 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Stenhousemuir.

 

9 hours ago, Swarley said:

Barcelona?

 

1 hour ago, Shandon Par said:

Falkirk?

I'm struggling to pick a winner from that three 

[Shandon Par]

18 minutes ago, Trackdaybob said:

 

 

I'm struggling to pick a winner from that three 

Played at Ochilview, Falkirk buoyed by their morale boosting 0-0 victory against ICT would see off a Stenny/Barca select.

[Gaz]

We've got another one!

He was a bobby dazzler 
From a time so long ago
We met up at Burntisland 
On a seaside trip you know.
Andrew in his top and trews
Looking really cool
Me like granny greyhip
Sense of fashion minuscule.
We hit it off and got on well
Spent all that day together 
Got our photie taken
Lovely weather.
Played tennis 
If my memory serves me well
He was good 
I could tell.
We got on bus and travelled home 
And went our separate ways
Just a distant memory 
On a bus trip that day.
Fast forward further down the line
A good few years and more
All grown up now
Not knowing whats in store.
While deep in conversation 
It only just came out
This boyfriend of a workmate
Knew Andrew without a doubt.
So he organised a blind date
To get us both together 
You could have knocked me over 
With a feather.
What a blooming 
Stroke of fate
Hoped I didn’t 
Have long to wait.
But there he was just standing there
With snow flakes falling down
Was a blizzard that night
In Falkirk town.
I left my workmate standing there 
Forgot to say goodbye 
I just took off
Still don’t know why.
So off we went
Andrew and me
To my favourite place
The Wimpy bar, then we
Baby sat on that blind date
It’s what he had arranged 
When I think about it now
It was so strange.
Babysitting blind date
It really seems surreal 
Can’t remember, just forgot 
How it made me feel.
We said farewell 
At end of night
I got the bus home
What a load of sh—
If one thing life has taught me
You’re better off with fate
When two are meant to be together 
It’s really, really great.
Nearly 44 years of marriage 
He’s been the full legit
My ever loving, lifetime mate
My husband, grumpy git.

[Miguel Sanchez]

Imagine having to tell her her poems are good.

[Miguel Sanchez]

1 hour ago, Gaz said:

So off we went
Andrew and me
To my favourite place
The Wimpy bar, then we

Oh, I went a bit further down.

Maybe they're secretly Ross County fans.

[Gaz]

Current update: 26 Likes, 4 Loves

[Mr. Brightside]

Like, I know they are total shit and that, but the main question I have is why are they so fucking long?!

[NorthernJambo]

Current update: 26 Likes, 4 Loves

That’s 30 folk that should be kicked in the pie. It’s utter horse shit. Too long, doesn’t flow and is pish. Those 30 folk are encouraging that pish.

[Mark Connolly]

Quote

Dear Men,
If you've been on social media today, your feeds are heavy with women who have brought attention to the issue of sexual harassment by adding "Me too" as their status update. Behind every update, there are untold stories of violation, broken trust, and betrayal.
It's heartbreaking to know that not some, but EVERY woman we know has been subject to this, some from childhood on; that sexual harassment is not the aberration, but the norm.
It's sickening that not one woman who posted "Me Too" as an update was surprised to see their experiences echoed over and over again by their sisters, that this cycle goes on endlessly.
It's infuriating that this is what it takes to bring attention to the magnitude of this problem.
Men, we've failed. Collectively.
We've got to do better. All oppression is based on complicity. It isn't enough to simply not harass women, we have to be actively anti-misogynist. Men would not be able to harass/assault women without the tacit support of men.
It's past time men assume the burden of dismantling systemic abuse. If you're wondering what you can personally do to demonstrate that you're ready to do your part, here are 10 concrete steps you can take right away to change the culture of toxic masculinity:
1) Listen to women. Genuinely listen, without judgement or prejudice.
2) Listen HARDER.
3) Don’t insert your narrative.
4) Remember that you’re an ally, not a savior. This is not about feeling good about yourselves.
5) SPEAK UP when you witness harassment. Take a stand, get in the face of a harasser. Remember, silence is tacit approval.
6) SPEAK UP when no women are around. Your sexist friends need to hear from other men that their behavior is intolerable. Remember, jokes are often a prelude to violence.
7) Do not expect women to educate you: educate yourself.
Do not expect women to trust you. Trust is earned and women have a right to distrust men, even and especially men they know. Expect resistance.
9) It’s okay to make mistakes.
10) Don't quit. Patriarchy ain't gonna end itself.
Signed,
The Brotherhood Of Men Who Give A Damn.

[Boghead ranter]

Quote

Dear Men,
If you've been on social media today, your feeds are heavy with women who have brought attention to the issue of sexual harassment by adding "Me too" as their status update. Behind every update, there are untold stories of violation, broken trust, and betrayal.
It's heartbreaking to know that not some, but EVERY woman we know has been subject to this, some from childhood on; that sexual harassment is not the aberration, but the norm.
It's sickening that not one woman who posted "Me Too" as an update was surprised to see their experiences echoed over and over again by their sisters, that this cycle goes on endlessly.
It's infuriating that this is what it takes to bring attention to the magnitude of this problem.
Men, we've failed. Collectively.
We've got to do better. All oppression is based on complicity. It isn't enough to simply not harass women, we have to be actively anti-misogynist. Men would not be able to harass/assault women without the tacit support of men.
It's past time men assume the burden of dismantling systemic abuse. If you're wondering what you can personally do to demonstrate that you're ready to do your part, here are 10 concrete steps you can take right away to change the culture of toxic masculinity:
1) Listen to women. Genuinely listen, without judgement or prejudice.
2) Listen HARDER.
3) Don’t insert your narrative.
4) Remember that you’re an ally, not a savior. This is not about feeling good about yourselves.
5) SPEAK UP when you witness harassment. Take a stand, get in the face of a harasser. Remember, silence is tacit approval.
6) SPEAK UP when no women are around. Your sexist friends need to hear from other men that their behavior is intolerable. Remember, jokes are often a prelude to violence.
7) Do not expect women to educate you: educate yourself.
 Do not expect women to trust you. Trust is earned and women have a right to distrust men, even and especially men they know. Expect resistance.
9) It’s okay to make mistakes.
10) Don't quit. Patriarchy ain't gonna end itself.
Signed,
The Brotherhood Of Men Who Give A Damn.

Yeah, whatever luv.

[ajwffc]

She has put another one up
Here’s something I wrote a few years back thats relevant now.

Clothesline.

I've been slapped,banged, walloped and so much more
I'm really sickened to the core
Been twisted round in many ways
Its been a rotten day.
It's even trying to do the same
With that poor woman, whatsername
It's nearly knocked her to the ground
Standing there,not a sound.
She'll fight with all the strength she can
Stronger surely than any man
'Watch out there's more' I loudly shout
Too late it's caught her out.
This time she's reeling with the force
Of what has hit her, from due north
Me! I'm swinging round in rings
Flapping sleeves, as if they're wings.
What sends this force here to be fought?
The elements have surely wrought
A stronger force we can't endure
With storm force winds,nothings secure.
Its here to cause a lot of s--t
Blowing me round and making me hit
The nearest person over there
It makes no sense, its just not fair.
It will just blow itself clean out
Of that I'm sure their is no doubt
So keep inside until it's clear
Don't venture in the garden dear.
Then you will not be slapped or hit
By wayward clothes, bit by bit
I tell you this for I am just
Some of the clothes, you know you must.
Avoid at all costs in this weather
For I know you're at, end of your tether
It's just the way that nature acts
Giving all a load of flack.
Lorna johnston
June 2nd, 2015.

[madwullie]

You should join Historic Hamilton and check out some of the pish Hugh Hainey posts. Makes Lorna Johnston look like TS Elliott. 

[madwullie]

In fact, here's one for you lads

The poem below was written for Historic Hamilton by Hugh Hainey.

 

Ur we there yit,,,

Well the days the day fur oor wee ‘mystery tour’ n’ here it comes, wur big bus,,

There it is, bit how that big green “Chieftain” gote here, thats a mystery tae us,

Wee awe shouted “where wae gawn driver” n’ he said the “seaside dis it matter”

Tell yir maw the bus over heated comin up the hill, n’ a need a bucket o’ watter,,

 

Ave done ma wee checklist, n’ it’s awe there ma trunks, towel, n’ buckit n’ spade,

Ma wee haversack tae go oan ma back, full of pop’ n’ peeces ma mammy made,,

Ur we there yit, whit time is it? Where ur wee gawn, bit the driver jist widnae say,,

Then he stopped n’ said “watch this look” n’ the bus went backwards up the brae,,

 

It’s Ayr, it’s Ayr, wur nearly there, we kin see the sea,, the driver said naw, sit doon,

Wur here, wur here, aye bit, where ur wae? “Yir in a lovely wee place cawed Troon”

We pulled up right it the seafront, thirs no many people, n’ the toon wis awfy quiet,,

The guy said git tae the beach, thirs hunners tae come, n’ git a spot afore the riot,,

 

Ma maw gote us settled in a nice wee bit, near the steps n’right up against the wa’

Right noo settle in, come n’ hiv a wee drink, ok,”taps aff” n’ ye kin hiv yir beach’ baw,

Playin’ fitbaw’ muckin’aboot, sand in ma toes, in ma hair, n’ comin oot ma ears,,

That day it the seaside wae ma maw n’ ma pals his stuck wae me awe these years,,,

 

A wee walk roon the toon, then a look roon the fair, awe sunburnt, if ye’d seen is

A pokey hat, a stick o’ rock, a wee glass of orange, n’ a fish tea shared atween is,

Back tae the bus, this time thirs nae fuss, cause the excitement it wisnae the same,

Awe a kin remember is ma maw sayin “wake up son”, yiv slept awe the wae hame,,,

( the best sleep ever,,)