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Annoying things people write on Facebook


Geedub-MFC

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53 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

How old is that shit about the eggs and windscreens now? It must have been on the go for at least a few years now.

I think that anyone who posts it should be removed from the gene pool (unless they're tall and Scottish).

That's what I was thinking. I remember being told a version of this story about 15 years ago when I was at work, before any form social media was popular.

I also remember the one about a piece of paper on the rear windscreen, if you stop the car to get out to check the paper someone would nick your car.

Both of them absolute bullshit.

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There's a Facebook page called Old Falkirk In Pictures. Harmless enough, does exactly what it says more or less, although every so often we get people blaming the council for the fact no-one wants to shop in our dive of a town centre anymore.

Anyway, I digress. There's a lass in there who fancies herself as a poet. And every so often she posts absolutely shite poems that she's written.

Here's today's effort:

I felt so stupid 
How could it be
That night I lost
The ring given to me.
We searched everywhere 
But it could not be found 
Anywhere in the centre 
On the ground.
Had told my workmates 
Earlier that day too
Was so excited 
Didn’t know what to do.
Next day I was asked
‘ well show us the ring’
I was worried the reaction 
It would bring.
The tears would not stop
When I said it was gone
And told them all
What I had done.
When it was all demolished 
For the new Callendar Square 
It just made the hurt worse
More than I could bare.
The eternity ring
So lovingly given
Ground into the dust
By the vehicles driven.
Somewhere in there
Was my ring that I lost
No one would know
The emotional cost.
Of losing it quickly 
That fateful sad night 
Buried away
And out of sight.
Now as I read
On the Falkirk site
Another development 
Of this saga tonight.
To be auctioned off
Let’s hope this works out
For the people of Falkirk
To at least have some clout.
To make it stand tall
And benefit the community 
To bring back a feeling 
Of total unity.
Of shoppers and businesses 
Bring shops back in line
Keep eveyone happy 
That’ll suit us just fine.

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Not as good as this one
A wee bit belated after the announcement of Liz Dawns death but RIP Liz (Vera Duckworth).

Jack and Vera.

Our Vera's gone
To join her Jack
On reaching heaven
She will not lack.
The guts to ask
Where should she go
Heaven or hell
But as you know.
It's really a given
She shouldn't need to ask
It's not so difficult
A task.
To work out
Cause her Jack is there
Allready waiting
For her where.
She'll make her presence
Felt so much
All heavenly protocol
Kicked into touch.
Hell hath no fury
Like Vera's rage
But space is limited
On this page.
So as a good soap story goes
We'll keep you in suspense
Relations up in heaven
Will no doubt be so tense.
But knowing Jack and Vera
Love always wins no doubt
That and a hefty
Keep in line, clout.
Around Jacks ears
He knows his place
Will take it all
With wit and grace.
So farewell Jack
Farewell Vera too
Keep them entertained
Up in heaven as you do.
We'll miss you both so very much
Keep watch above us there
Forever in our thoughts you's are
A lovely pair.

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Aw I loved that one as well!

Someone asked her what it was to do with Old Falkirk in Pictures and some daft old boot said it was fine because she was old, lived in Falkirk, and loved it.

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I also liked this one, which is about a local ATM being closed:

Never thought I'd miss you
Every single day
I really wish they'd never
Taken you away.
To me you were a lifeline 
A service I did need
And every time I used you
My wallet you would feed.
You really was a trusty friend 
Just there for me to turn to
When I needed money 
You'd slide it, as you do.
Now I have to travel
Far along the road
To find another just like you
In a different abode.
You used to drive me crazy 
At times I could not see
When sun was shining brightly 
Reflecting back on me.
I'd have to bend my head in 
And squint my eyes real tight
To see what you were saying
I must have looked a sight.
But still you were there for me
And now I do so miss
You being round that corner 
I really, truly wish.
They'd bring you back, put you in place
So I can see you there
And use you like I always did
This commodity so rare.
So someone reinstate it
My handy ATM
A useful contribution 
The creme de la creme. 

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Aw I loved that one as well!
Someone asked her what it was to do with Old Falkirk in Pictures and some daft old boot said it was fine because she was old, lived in Falkirk, and loved it.

Makes a change to the council getting blamed for everything bad happening in Falkirk
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I've read all of those and I feel quite ill, Falkirk deserves all the misery it gets if she's representative of its citizens

She is from the award winning town of Denny so needs some way to pass the time
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I've read all of those and I feel quite ill, Falkirk deserves all the misery it gets if she's representative of its citizens


I started them and then got bored. Special needs poetry is not my thing.

I hate Falkirk. f**k Falkirk and these whiny, shit poetry cuntbags.
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Doesnt even rhyme, best have another try, and if I ever see you, i'll boot you in the pie.

Thanks.


I'm no good at poetry. However I do recall one from an earlier time in life about someone's dad. Bit homophobic but what can you do. It was a different time (catch-all excuse for bigots) and I am not the author.

Miles Muir, Miles Muir
Born a virgin, died a hoor
He lived his life down the docks
And died the death of a thousand Cocks

Though he's gone he's not forgotten
Smell his hole it's fucking rotten
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Another pal likes to change the words to songs in amongst giving me general abuse. Here is his latest effort.

Who do you think you will kidnap Mr Fritzl, when you get your basement done. Will it be girls who like the look of pearls or will it be boys who are scared to make much noise. (dads army tune).

There was a George Michael theme for a bit. But now it's went full Fritzl and a bit worrying.

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9 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

I've read all of those and I feel quite ill, Falkirk deserves all the misery it gets if she's representative of its citizens

I can't really argue with that TBH

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