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Out of the mouth of babes...


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Some girl in my class said

Girl : "Ben Nevis, thats the biggest mountain in the world, isn't it?"

Teacher : "no, just the biggest in Scotland"


When I was 11 or maybe 12, a kid I knew argued for ages (possibly as long as 3 or 4 minutes :D ) that Ben Nevis was only taller than Ben Lomond as Ben Lomond used to be taller so folk had thrown bricks onto the top of Ben Nevis to make it taller than Ben Lomond.

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the last girl i was sort of 'seeing' once remarked at how unlucky i was that my birthday fell on a tuesday each year and how lucky she was that her's was always on a saturday. i actually had to resort to trawling through calendars in order to demonstrate that the day on which a date occurs alternates each year.

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I know someone who, at the age of 18, is afraid of mannequins. Christ only knows why. Supposedly the ones with no 'face' are ok, but as soon as they have eyes etc and begin to look that little bit more realistic, she goes off her nut and has to leave the place.

My sister's 21 and has the same problem. It's an actual phobia.

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I'm not sure if I posted it above or not, but my brother and his wife were watching the news and the female newsreader comes on with a blue-green dress and starts to read the news

''There's been a car bomb in Iraq today. 130 killed and 200 injured.....'''

His wife shouts ''OH MY GOD''

He replies ''Terrible, isn't it?''

His wife ''What the hell is she wearing?''

:lol: That made me laugh. My girlfriend reads P&B, and alterted me to this topic. She has come out with some crackers herself, but for the life of me cannot remember specifics. So as she reads this, I want you to know that I'm waiting for you to slip up. And when you do I will laugh and post it here.;)

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When my ex-sister-in-law returned from a trip to see relatives in Canada with a present of genuine maple syrup. My ex was so excited that she told me her cousin squeezed it himself.

On a trip through the Highlands to the idyllic village of Plockton my ex was discussing the amount of livestock scattered across the mountains with her sister then turned to ask "who feeds the sheep?"

On return from a jaunt round the southern hemisphere during which time I was house sitting, another sister-in-law noticing that the livingroom clock wasn't working asked "when did the clock stop?"

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I mind walking by the beach in Stonehaven and a duck was flying about and landed on a park bench. A girl behind us then blurts out "Ducks cannot fly!"

Another one was when I was at a restaurant and I overhead someone saying "Buffalo Wings? Buffalos don't have wings we should do them for false advertising."

However the worst one was when my sister went to her first ever Scotland game. It was Scotland vs Germany back in 2002? Anyway Germany scored to make it 0-1 and my sister stands up and lets out a high pitched cheer then sits down. Looks at the rest of us and asks "Scotland scored why are we not cheering?...oh I know we're in the with the Germany fan"

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My sister in law has it with her Sunday roast and macaroni cheese. I'm telling you, there's some weird, fucked up people around.

I usually mix ketchup through cheese and tattie pie or corned beef and tatties.

Now I tend to put tabasco on everything. I use far, far too much of the stuff.

I'm disgusting.

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Posted on this thread at the start of it with what i thought would be the daftest thing i will ever hear from my dear other half but since then she has came out with some absolute crackers and a can remember a few i thought id share with my fellow P&B posters.

Talking about assisted suicide and legal issues surrounding it. I couldn't for the life of me remember the name of it and said i think its legal in Switzerland but not sure where else. 5 mins later i burst out with Euthanasia thats what i was trying to remember in which she replied " Wheres that ? Have we been there ? ".

Watching Predator on T.V. and the second one was on rite after. She says to me is Arnie in the second film ?? I reply no it's Danny Glover. She had no idea who he was so i said he is the Black cop in lethal weapon next to Mel Gibson. To my utter amazement she said " is Mel Gibson not black too ".

The best for a while was only last nite. She said to me i did a silly thing. I thought oh f**k what you done. She said i made soup in the casserole dish and put it on the stove. Didn't taste too good. I freaked out saying your lucky thats all you problems were as it could of cracked or melted. Her reply to me " Don't be so fucking stupid glass doesn't melt."

Edited by diamond_for_life
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At the end of the game tonight a Barca player had a Brazil flag around him.

Wife - "Why is he wearing that?"

Me - "Probably because he comes from Brazil."

Wife - "Thought his team were from Rome?"

Me - "You thought Barcelona were from Rome?!"

Wife - "Oh, is it Barcelona? I thought it was AC Milan!"

ME - "You thought that AC 'Milan' were from Rome?.."

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A couple of months back my girlfriend and I were going to the Gyle and whilst travelling along the by-pass, she came off at the staiton turn off. 'Where are we going?' I asked. 'The Gyle' she replied.

Yes, she took the exit of the bypass. went completely round the roundabout and joined the by-pass again. After picking my jaw up off the floor all I could get out of her was 'I thought you had to go that way'.

Apparently she had been doing it for years and even done the same on the way home.


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My dad's wife once came out with an absolute belter, when discussing ideas for a family friend's birthday party she comes out with "Well you could hire some midgets, get them to do magic tricks and that in the pub. "

Over a year ago and I still haven't let her forget it.

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