Out of the mouth of babes...

[The_Kincardine]

Probably a vid a few on here would sympathise with:

 

[Connor1874]

Girlfriend showed me something on Instagram posted by Gordon Ramsey earlier. His username is 'gordongram' and I made a funny pointing out that should be the nickname of my friend Gordon, who is fond of a certain drug. She laughed, then proceeded to have the following conversation with me:

Her: I dunno what the G stands for

Me: Eh?

Her: Well it's Gordon G Ram, but dunno what the G stands for, like must be his middle name or something

Me: Or it's just a play on the word Instagram?

Her: Nah that's a shite username, don't be stupid

*look up Gordon Ramsay's middle name which is James and proceed to show her, concluding the debate*

Her: Well that's ****ing shite. His kids must be so embarrassed. 

[D.A.F.C]

So why did she laugh at gram as in drugs?
[emoji38]

[jakedee]

Sitting outside tonight, with the Mrs.a strange bird call was heard. After spending a few minutes googling different bird calls, we decided it was a barn owl. " wonder where they live" was her question.

[Brummie Clyde]

Sitting outside tonight, with the Mrs.a strange bird call was heard. After spending a few minutes googling different bird calls, we decided it was a barn owl. " wonder where they live" was her question.

Same place as Barney the Dinosaur I imagine

[Connor1874]

On 09/07/2020 at 22:34, D.A.F.C said:

So why did she laugh at gram as in drugs?

I don't think she really did. I think she just laughed to be polite.

[Shandon Par]

Sterling work by Mrs Par. Her sis brought her “new” man - an old teenage sweetheart who she had recently hooked up with - to visit us pre-lockdown.  I have the patience of a saint but this boy got on my nerves so much, and Par Jr was also struggling to warm to him.

Not long after, romance had apparently fizzled out so Mrs Par told her sister what a nippy c**t her man was and that we couldn’t stand him. She has now got back with him so that should make future visits a good laugh. 

Edited July 17, 2020 by Shandon Par

[Bairnardo]

Sterling work by Mrs Par. Her sis brought her “new” man - an old teenage sweetheart who she had recently hooked up with - to visit us pre-lockdown.  I have the patience of a saint but this boy got on my nerves so much, and Par Jr was also struggling to warm to him.
Not long after, romance had apparently fizzled out so Mrs Par told her sister what a nippy c**t her man was and that we couldn’t stand him. She has now got back with him so that should make future visits a good laugh. 

Brilliant. You never badmouth love interests ffs. Absolutely no good, but plenty of bad, can come of it

[Shandon Par]

6 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

4 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Sterling work by Mrs Par. Her sis brought her “new” man - an old teenage sweetheart who she had recently hooked up with - to visit us pre-lockdown.  I have the patience of a saint but this boy got on my nerves so much, and Par Jr was also struggling to warm to him.
Not long after, romance had apparently fizzled out so Mrs Par told her sister what a nippy c**t her man was and that we couldn’t stand him. She has now got back with him so that should make future visits a good laugh. 

Brilliant. You never badmouth love interests ffs. Absolutely no good, but plenty of bad, can come of it

He was in my bad books from the start as he messaged something not explicit, but a bit over-friendly/cheeky to Mrs when he first appeared on the scene.  I wanted to reprimand him but Mrs persuaded new to keep the peace and that “he was a nice guy, just friendly and cheeky”. I managed to be civil and she spent about 45 minutes slating him in great detail instead to her sister. 

 

[Bairnardo]

13 minutes ago, Shandon Par said:

He was in my bad books from the start as he messaged something not explicit, but a bit over-friendly/cheeky to Mrs when he first appeared on the scene.  I wanted to reprimand him but Mrs persuaded new to keep the peace and that “he was a nice guy, just friendly and cheeky”. I managed to be civil and she spent about 45 minutes slating him in great detail instead to her sister. 

 

This needs to be elaborated on

[Chicken Wing]

He was in my bad books from the start as he messaged something not explicit, but a bit over-friendly/cheeky to Mrs when he first appeared on the scene.  I wanted to reprimand him but Mrs persuaded new to keep the peace and that “he was a nice guy, just friendly and cheeky”. I managed to be civil and she spent about 45 minutes slating him in great detail instead to her sister. 
 

Release the hound on him!

[Sergeant Wilson]

6 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Sterling work by Mrs Par. Her sis brought her “new” man - an old teenage sweetheart who she had recently hooked up with - to visit us pre-lockdown.  I have the patience of a saint but this boy got on my nerves so much, and Par Jr was also struggling to warm to him.

Not long after, romance had apparently fizzled out so Mrs Par told her sister what a nippy c**t her man was and that we couldn’t stand him. She has now got back with him so that should make future visits a good laugh. 

Been there. Mate had an office romance, they fell out. I comforted him by bad mouthing "the boot he was better off without". He never said a word, within about 10 minutes, she turns up, it's back on, they get engaged and are still married.

I don't see much of them now.

[Bairnardo]

One of my mates, failing to anticipate what was ahead, nailed his future wife for the first time on a Saturday night then inbthe Sunday morning told us all if we get a chance we should definitely pump her, as she takes it up the arse and everything [emoji23]

Whoops

[Todd_is_God]

4 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

One of my mates, failing to anticipate what was ahead, nailed his future wife for the first time on a Saturday night then inbthe Sunday morning told us all if we get a chance we should definitely pump her, as she takes it up the arse and everything

Whoops

[RH33]

On 17/07/2020 at 16:46, Bairnardo said:

One of my mates, failing to anticipate what was ahead, nailed his future wife for the first time on a Saturday night then inbthe Sunday morning told us all if we get a chance we should definitely pump her, as she takes it up the arse and everything

Whoops

I hope he did the decent thing and arranged a gangbang for you all.

[BFTD]

On 17/07/2020 at 15:13, Bairnardo said:

On 17/07/2020 at 10:28, Shandon Par said:

Sterling work by Mrs Par. Her sis brought her “new” man - an old teenage sweetheart who she had recently hooked up with - to visit us pre-lockdown.  I have the patience of a saint but this boy got on my nerves so much, and Par Jr was also struggling to warm to him.
Not long after, romance had apparently fizzled out so Mrs Par told her sister what a nippy c**t her man was and that we couldn’t stand him. She has now got back with him so that should make future visits a good laugh. 

Brilliant. You never badmouth love interests ffs. Absolutely no good, but plenty of bad, can come of it

Boy I went to college with had a long-term girlfriend who nobody could stand. She really detested him having friends; when he had people over, she wouldn't say a word to anyone and would summon him to leave the room if she had anything to say to him. After a while, he started telling people they'd split up, and he was back living with his parents. Virtually everyone was delighted and told him she was a torn-faced boot including (apparently) his parents. He said nothing about it at the time, but weeks later it became apparent they were working some sort of benefits scam, pretending to have split to get more money from the government somehow (they had five kids, which he freely admitted they'd made so as to never have to work).

...awkward.

[AyrshireTon]

Many, many years ago. 

Her (ex-gf, driving):  That idiot's driving with his lights on and it's a beautiful day.

Me: It's a Volvo, their lights are always on.

Her: No they're not.

Me: There's another Volvo - got its lights on too. (I point this out for the next handful of Volvos we pass, but she refused to believe me).

Her: f**k-off, Volvos don't always have their lights on.

Me: Yes they do, I'm fairly sure it's a legal thing in Sweden so it's standard on Volvos.

Her: You're making that up.

Me: No, I promise I'm not.

Silence. And she fell out with me for suggesting it. This girl frequently pointed out that her degree was a better one than mine. Her father confirmed the lights thing later (stating a lack of daylight hours in winter) but no apology ever came. 

[Dee Man]

On 17/07/2020 at 17:28, Shandon Par said:

Sterling work by Mrs Par. Her sis brought her “new” man - an old teenage sweetheart who she had recently hooked up with - to visit us pre-lockdown.  I have the patience of a saint but this boy got on my nerves so much, and Par Jr was also struggling to warm to him.

Not long after, romance had apparently fizzled out so Mrs Par told her sister what a nippy c**t her man was and that we couldn’t stand him. She has now got back with him so that should make future visits a good laugh. 

This is not going to end well.

Keep us updated. 

[peasy23]

Many, many years ago.  Her (ex-gf, driving):  That idiot's driving with his lights on and it's a beautiful day.

Me: It's a Volvo, their lights are always on.

Her: No they're not.

Me: There's another Volvo - got its lights on too. (I point this out for the next handful of Volvos we pass, but she refused to believe me).

Her: f**k-off, Volvos don't always have their lights on.

Me: Yes they do, I'm fairly sure it's a legal thing in Sweden so it's standard on Volvos.

Her: You're making that up.

Me: No, I promise I'm not.

Silence. And she fell out with me for suggesting it. This girl frequently pointed out that her degree was a better one than mine. Her father confirmed the lights thing later (stating a lack of daylight hours in winter) but no apology ever came. 

 

 

Pretty much fitted as standard on everything now too, but as an auto spark of 30+ years Volvo were definitely the first I saw them on.

 

 

 

[the aggressive beggar]

Watching Everest last night, there's a bit where the guide tells the group that the summit is at the cruising altitude of a 747.

The wife "how come they don't crash into it?"