Out of the mouth of babes...

[KnightswoodBear 9,969]

38 minutes ago, Dee Man said:

 she said she just used a 6mm one as, "What difference does 1mm make?"

 

She's just repeating what you tell her in the bedroom

[Dee Man 18,543]

11 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said:

She's just repeating what you tell her in the bedroom

 

[NJ2 4,393]

The little shit disappeared the other day for >24hrs (very unusual) and I was nearly digging the hole and preparing the shoe box for him.
Sauntered in at tea time the day after. 

What were you going to put in the shoe box given that the cat had disappeared...?

[Melanius Mullarkey 20,508]

2 minutes ago, NJ2 said:

What were you going to put in the shoe box given that the cat had disappeared...?

The wife.

[welshbairn 16,768]

10 minutes ago, NJ2 said:

What were you going to put in the shoe box given that the cat had disappeared...?

Herr Schrodinger.

[NJ2 4,393]

The wife.

Well now she’s no got the cat to feed probably no use putting up with her

[Melanius Mullarkey 20,508]

13 minutes ago, NJ2 said:

Well now she’s no got the cat to feed probably no use putting up with her

Save me a fortune in cooker gas as well.

[The Skelpit Lug 1,273]

1 hour ago, welshbairn said:

Herr Schrodinger.

[pittsburgh phil 645]

My other half came out with this the other day.

'Eagles have been dive bombing people in Leith recently'

'Seagulls surely?'

'Nope, definitely sea eagles, they took a chihuahua from Leith Walk''

She's a consultant. Pray you never end up needing her care.

[Dee Man 18,543]

21 minutes ago, pittsburgh phil said:

My other half came out with this the other day.

'Eagles have been dive bombing people in Leith recently'

'Seagulls surely?'

'Nope, definitely sea eagles, they took a chihuahua from Leith Walk''

She's a consultant. Pray you never end up needing her care.

I just had a quick Google for this story (not the sea eagles part obvz) and came across a story of seagulls flying away with a Chihuahua in Devon last month and one of it's paws recently being found in a car park. This is my favourite part of the article:

She said: "Last night I was walking back to my boyfriend's house up through The Triangle car park when I saw some angry seagulls fighting over something and acting suspiciously".

How the f**k does a seagull act suspiciously?

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9779452/puppy-paw-found-missing-gizmo-chihuahua/

 

[WhiteRoseKillie 4,603]

7 hours ago, Dee Man said:

I just had a quick Google for this story (not the sea eagles part obvz) and came across a story of seagulls flying away with a Chihuahua in Devon last month and one of it's paws recently being found in a car park. This is my favourite part of the article:

She said: "Last night I was walking back to my boyfriend's house up through The Triangle car park when I saw some angry seagulls fighting over something and acting suspiciously".

How the f**k does a seagull act suspiciously?

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9779452/puppy-paw-found-missing-gizmo-chihuahua/

 

I just watched Chris Ramsey (from Hebburn, a few years ago) in a stand-up show on Amazon. Section on seagulls was on point and fucking hilarious.

[The_Kincardine 5,664]

I'm off to Sheffield in the morning to see my eldest and her blokey.  The train arrives about 12.15 so I messaged her:

Me:  Let me know where to meet you.  Let's say 12.30.

Her:  I’ll meet you at the train station! Is that where your train is getting in?

[BigFatTabbyDave 5,321]

On 23/08/2019 at 02:28, Dee Man said:

How the f**k does a seagull act suspiciously?

[Darren 1,062]

Don't Leave Me This Way was on the radio in the car and I piped up: "I can never remember if this is Bronski Beat or The Communards." 

She replied: "The Communards? Is that not the group Lionel Richie was in?"

[deej 1,851]

2 minutes ago, Darren said:

Don't Leave Me This Way was on the radio in the car and I piped up: "I can never remember if this is Bronski Beat or The Communards." 

She replied: "The Communards? Is that not the group Lionel Richie was in?"

Don't be silly. It's the Russians.

[CountyFan 1,399]

Packing for going on holiday tomorrow and obviously her case is over weight. I'm going through it chucking shite she wont need, including a huge jar of decaff coffee and her 6th pair of shoes (we are only away for a fucking week). 

I'm now being threatened with "there better be decaf coffee in France, or else!" 

Secretly hoping there isn't just for the lols.

[peasy23 3,776]

Packing for going on holiday tomorrow and obviously her case is over weight. I'm going through it chucking shite she wont need, including a huge jar of decaff coffee and her 6th pair of shoes (we are only away for a fucking week). 
I'm now being threatened with "there better be decaf coffee in France, or else!" 
Secretly hoping there isn't just for the lols.

I can understand her wanting to take the coffee, my missus takes tea bags with us when we go anywhere. But why the feck does she need the whole jar? Can she not just put enough for 1 or 2 mugs a day into a Ziploc bag or a smaller container?

[Honest_Man#1 2,340]

19 minutes ago, peasy23 said:

1 hour ago, CountyFan said:

Packing for going on holiday tomorrow and obviously her case is over weight. I'm going through it chucking shite she wont need, including a huge jar of decaff coffee and her 6th pair of shoes (we are only away for a fucking week). 
I'm now being threatened with "there better be decaf coffee in France, or else!" 
Secretly hoping there isn't just for the lols.

I can understand her wanting to take the coffee, my missus takes tea bags with us when we go anywhere. But why the feck does she need the whole jar? Can she not just put enough for 1 or 2 mugs a day into a Ziploc bag or a smaller container?

I find that sort of behaviour fucking mental. As if there won’t be decaf coffee or teabags in France.

[CountyFan 1,399]

42 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

I find that sort of behaviour fucking mental. As if there won’t be decaf coffee or teabags in France.

That's exactly what I said. 

I then proceeded to be fully packed within ten minutes and she's arguing that it is not possible to be done that quickly so is now actively looking through my case to see what I've forgotten. 

Shes totally lovely and rational the other 364 days a year, I promise. 

[deej 1,851]

9 hours ago, CountyFan said:

That's exactly what I said. 

I then proceeded to be fully packed within ten minutes and she's arguing that it is not possible to be done that quickly so is now actively looking through my case to see what I've forgotten. 

Shes totally lovely and rational the other 364 days a year, I promise. 

Mine is similar. Starts packing days before we go and moans at me saying i'm so unorganised etc. 

Its packing clothes ffs.  Boxers, socks, tshirts/shirts, trousers/shorts. Shoes depending on what you'll be doing, done.