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Out of the mouth of babes...

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2 hours ago, KnightswoodBear said:

My 5 year old daughter just said to me "You promised you'd show us your willie books!!" 

After a moment of utter panic I realised she meant my Oor Wullie annuals.  The kids got their picture taken with one of the sculptures at Silverburn yesterday and I told them I had books of his at home. 

Expect this to appear as the comic strip in the Sunday Post next week as a humouros misunderstanding between the bairn, the family and Granpa that they are so fond of doing

Edited by Wile E Coyote

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We drove up to Perth recently and just before the roundabout at the Porsche garage there’s a road sign with “the earth is flat” scrawled over it in spray paint.   The kids and I had a wee chuckle about it, when I then turned to the wife I could see that she was deep in thought.  As I could hear the gears turning in her head I burst out laughing, the following is word for word.

me: f**k right off,  you can’t be serious

wife: no, no I know the earths not flat, I’m not fucking stupid.

me: what you thinking about then?

wife: was just wondering, how long have we known it’s not flat?

me: - silence, waiting in anticipation...................

wife : like 30 years or something?

tears and snotters everywhere. 

My 14yo in the back is crying and choking with laughter, stammering out “Galileo!!!!!Galileo!!!!” In between gasps.

Edited by the aggressive beggar

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18 minutes ago, the aggressive beggar said:

We drove up to Perth recently and just before the roundabout at the Porsche garage there’s a road sign with “the earth is flat” scrawled over it in spray paint.   The kids and I had a wee chuckle about it, when I then turned to the wife I could see that she was deep in thought.  As I could hear the gears turning in her head I burst out laughing, the following is word for word.

me: f**k right off,  you can’t be serious

wife: no, no I know the earths not flat, I’m not fucking stupid.

me: what you thinking about then?

wife: was just wondering, how long have we known it’s not flat?

me: - silence, waiting in anticipation...................

wife : like 30 years or something?

tears and snotters everywhere. 

My 14yo in the back is crying and choking with laughter, stammering out “Galileo!!!!!Galileo!!!!” In between gasps.

I quite often have conversations along these lines:

 

 

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3 hours ago, KnightswoodBear said:

My 5 year old daughter just said to me "You promised you'd show us your willie books!!" 

After a moment of utter panic I realised she meant my Oor Wullie annuals.  The kids got their picture taken with one of the sculptures at Silverburn yesterday and I told them I had books of his at home. 

^^^ Getting his defence in before the polis come round.

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5 hours ago, the aggressive beggar said:

We drove up to Perth recently and just before the roundabout at the Porsche garage there’s a road sign with “the earth is flat” scrawled over it in spray paint.   The kids and I had a wee chuckle about it, when I then turned to the wife I could see that she was deep in thought.  As I could hear the gears turning in her head I burst out laughing, the following is word for word.

me: f**k right off,  you can’t be serious

wife: no, no I know the earths not flat, I’m not fucking stupid.

me: what you thinking about then?

wife: was just wondering, how long have we known it’s not flat?

me: - silence, waiting in anticipation...................

wife : like 30 years or something?

tears and snotters everywhere. 

My 14yo in the back is crying and choking with laughter, stammering out “Galileo!!!!!Galileo!!!!” In between gasps.

Shocking language in the company of children.

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19 year old girl in my brother in law's work after watching the first few episodes of Chernobyl.

 

"Imagine if something like that really happened?"

 

 

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Watching England vs Cameroon in the Women’s World Cup earlier. Trying to figure out where Cameroon is, she asks “I take it they’re from near Africa or something?”

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Driving on Saturday, my wife had to pop into a shop while me and my two boys stayed in the car. I put on some kids songs from youtube on my phone to appease the youngest one.

As I was doing that I opened my window as it was stifling. My eldest (6) said to me "Why are you opening the window Daddy, is that to let the internet in?"

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My wife has quite a fear of birds, even screaming out if one flies close to her. Anyway, we were watching a wildlife show about Antarctica and she says that she loves penguins, so cute etc.

 

Me: "I thought you didn't like birds?"

Her: "Penguins aren't birds".

Me: "Yes they are".

Her: "But they swim and don't fly".

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On 23/06/2019 at 13:03, KnightswoodBear said:

My 5 year old daughter just said to me "You promised you'd show us your willie books!!" 

After a moment of utter panic I realised she meant my Oor Wullie annuals.  The kids got their picture taken with one of the sculptures at Silverburn yesterday and I told them I had books of his at home. 

Help ma boab!

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On 24/06/2019 at 10:22, ShaggysBeard said:

Driving on Saturday, my wife had to pop into a shop while me and my two boys stayed in the car. I put on some kids songs from youtube on my phone to appease the youngest one.

As I was doing that I opened my window as it was stifling. My eldest (6) said to me "Why are you opening the window Daddy, is that to let the internet in?"

Clever question from a 6 year old, they'll probably invent the transwarp drive when they grow up.

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On 23/06/2019 at 13:03, KnightswoodBear said:

My 5 year old daughter just said to me "You promised you'd show us your willie books!!" 

After a moment of utter panic I realised she meant my Oor Wullie annuals.  The kids got their picture taken with one of the sculptures at Silverburn yesterday and I told them I had books of his at home. 

Assist my Robert!

Somewhat disappointed you didn't tell this story in the medium of Broons.

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Queen’s ‘Don’t stop me now’ on the radio this morning. Mrs a-p likes to sing along as she does sometimes.

I should’ve known better than to correct her for singing about being ‘on a rocking chair on my way to Mars’.

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Couple from the weekend as we went to Hyde Park for Neil Young and Bob Dylan. The first as we were packing our bag for the flight down:

"Do wet wipes count as liquids?"

The second - I hadn't seen who the supporting acts were for the gig, so asked if she knew:

Her: "Yeah, it's Sam Fender, Cat Stevens and Laura Marling"

Me: "Cat Stevens? Really? I'm not sure he's even a thing any more"

Her: "Yeah, well that's what it said"

Sam Fender finishes his show, a lassie called Cat Power walks out.

 

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My wife and I waiting for the bus with our 3 year old.

Me: "Is it under 5s that are free on the bus?"

Mrs LYT: "No, it's 4 and under."

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10 minutes ago, LoonsYouthTeam said:

My wife and I waiting for the bus with our 3 year old.

Me: "Is it under 5s that are free on the bus?"

Mrs LYT: "No, it's 4 and under."

So what's wrong with that?

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