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kiwififer

Out of the mouth of babes...

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1 hour ago, MONKMAN said:

At the horse racing the other night, after the 2nd race she turns and gives it;

“How come they don’t need the rabbit for them to chase round the track here”

:lol:

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At the horse racing the other night, after the 2nd race she turns and gives it;

“How come they don’t need the rabbit for them to chase round the track here”
Fucking howling at this tbh.

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My partner was driving us to Glasgow last night and we were stuck in traffic coming off the M74 going to Hamden. It was very stop-start and he comes out with.

"I wish cars had some sort of cruise control that kept them hovering in the same place."

Wasn't amused when I pointed out that the car was indeed equipped with a handbrake.

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She opens the egg carton and there's one egg left:

- "Who leaves just one egg?"

- "What?"

- "Who leaves just one single egg in the carton?"

- "What if there's four eggs left and you only want three?"

- "Just have all four or just two".

- ":huh:"

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Tell her to lay another one out of her arse.

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This isn’t an out the mouth more of an action...

The mrs brought through the multipack of crisps. I came down the next morning and saw the multipack still on the floor, I picked it up and put it on top of the cupboard where it lives.

So roll on another few hours and I’m like I could go a bag of crisps...

That’s where the horror began...

Put my hand into the multipack still sitting on top of the cupboard, felt something squish...pulled my hand out and to my shock it had shit on it...

She had put the empty individual packets in the bin, put the babies dirty nappy in the bag and not put that in the bin...so when I’ve picked it up without looking I’ve assumed oh cool there’s clearly a few bags left given the weight...

Naw...fingered a shitty nappy instead...

Her reaction? Pissing herself laugh...

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Only people with serious mental health issues would put a dirty nappy inside an empty multipack of crisps and leave it lying on the floor.

Or people in a made-up story.

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Putting a shitty nappy in the inside bin is equally manky IMO.

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Putting a shitty nappy in the inside bin is equally manky IMO.



Into the outside bin in a nappysack is the appropriate disposal.

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Sat around the other day bored, we stuck on Challenge on the TV for a laugh. An episode of Bruce's Play your cards right from 1996 comes on, cue her saying 'He's no changed a bit eh?' 

 

We were at a Haven park with the wee one for a wee weekend break last week too. Bear in mind there's loads of Haven's across the country. She believed the people inside the characters (Barney Bear and the gang) costumes are employed specifically to play the part. She couldn't work out in her head how it was possible for all 6 of them to get around and do all these shows.

I obviously told her that the likelihood is, every park has all the costumes in a back room and that it's just part of the staff duties to do the shows in them.  Apparently that was stupid and a real waste of money.

Edited by Connor1874

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11 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

"All lakes are man made."

Does that include the Caspian Sea?

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18 minutes ago, Bold Rover said:

Does that include the Caspian Sea?

Never got that far, but apparently includes Windermere, Garda and Geneva etc

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Missus is some girl for her typos. Was asking her if she wanted me to get my car cleaner guy to valet her car..

 

DF98C0E7-21D1-4627-AC94-CBAB562381CD.jpeg

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My 5 year old daughter just said to me "You promised you'd show us your willie books!!" 

After a moment of utter panic I realised she meant my Oor Wullie annuals.  The kids got their picture taken with one of the sculptures at Silverburn yesterday and I told them I had books of his at home. 

Edited by KnightswoodBear

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56 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said:

My 5 year old daughter just said to me "You promised you'd show us your willie books!!" 

After a moment of utter panic I realised she meant my Oor Wullie annuals.  The kids got their picture taken with one of the sculptures at Silverburn yesterday and I told them I had books of his at home. 

Ha. What a humorous misunderstanding! 

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