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      Pie and Bovril Nostalgia Mobile Phone Cases!   12/09/18

      We are delighted to have partnered up with Nostalgia Cases to offer a huge range of fantastic Scottish Football phone cases to our visitors. These high quality cases are available in a range of retro and up to date designs and there variations available for all Premiership, Championship and League 1 clubs as well as four of the League 2 teams. Within each club there are a range of choices. You'll find it difficult to choose! This is an Edinburgh based start-up, and they also provide a custom design service so if there is a kit you don't see that you'd love for your phone you can get in touch with them and they'll add it to their range. Naturally there is a HUGE support for all the major phone manufacturers and models and what's more delivery in the UK is completely FREE. What's even better is that Pie and Bovril users can get 10% off their order using the coupon code PIEANDBOV Take a look and browse the full range for your favourite club by clicking through to the website below. https://bit.ly/2M5laZs
kiwififer

Out of the mouth of babes...

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My missus read an entire four page “paper” in a radiology journal about “intestinal calcified arachnids”, complete with photoshopped spiders in the intestine, and references of authors like “L. O’Ser” and “R. Astley”, before she clicked on a link on the page which led her to the Rick Astley video, before she realised it was a wind up.

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6 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Mrs can’t drive just now due to a broken right foot. Her left foot is fine. She asked if we can get a left hand drive car as she’d be able to drive it. 

April fools was yesterday m8

 

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My wife put the teletubbies on for the wee one. She then turned to me and said:
"Are they called teletubbies because they have TVs in their tummys"

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12 minutes ago, pleslie99 said:

My wife put the teletubbies on for the wee one. She then turned to me and said:
"Are they called teletubbies because they have TVs in their tummys"

Makes as much sense as anything else. Chubbies on the telly?

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I genuinely laugh loud as f**k

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Young lady at work today:

Her:  "I seen two swans down the park the other day, well they were ducks but ducks turn into swans don't they?"

Me:  "That's The Ugly Duckling you're thinking of."

Her:  "So what are baby swans called then?"

Me:  "Cygnets."

Her:  *gives me a look where she thinks I must be taking the piss then turns away*

I'm fairly certain she still believes that ducks turn into swans.

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 A dinosaur programme was just on tv.....

“How do we know it was called T Rex?”.

I raise an eyebrow.

”You know.. how do we know that people back then called it T Rex?”. 

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I've been trying to get my wife to watch Deadwood for years.  As the new film is fast approaching to finally finish it properly, I suggested again that we watch the series before it comes out.

She agreed!

Her review of the first episode:

"It's quite hard to follow"

Translation: I miss stuff when I'm fannying about on my phone.

 

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I've been trying to get my wife to watch Deadwood for years.  As the new film is fast approaching to finally finish it properly, I suggested again that we watch the series before it comes out.
She agreed!
Her review of the first episode:
"It's quite hard to follow"
Translation: I miss stuff when I'm fannying about on my phone.
 


My girlfriend and I started watching Game of Thrones from the very start the other day cause neither of us have watched them. We’re about 3 episodes in and she’s asking me who someone is cause she’s on her phone. The following conversation takes place -

Me - you’re on your phone I’m not explaining it to you

Her - I was paying attention!

Me - obviously not or you’d know who that was, put your phone down and actually watch it

Her - I was only googling who all dies in the series

So not only was she not paying attention, she was googling who dies when and will no doubt spoil something important for me at a later date as I’ve never read anything about it and have no real knowledge hence why I’m watching it. I’ll sit on my phone and browse stuff, but if I’m watching something or she’s telling me a story, I can always keep tabs and answer any questions that come my way. Doesn’t work the other way around!

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5 hours ago, Widge said:

 


My girlfriend and I started watching Game of Thrones from the very start the other day cause neither of us have watched them. We’re about 3 episodes in and she’s asking me who someone is cause she’s on her phone. The following conversation takes place -

Me - you’re on your phone I’m not explaining it to you

Her - I was paying attention!

Me - obviously not or you’d know who that was, put your phone down and actually watch it

Her - I was only googling who all dies in the series

So not only was she not paying attention, she was googling who dies when and will no doubt spoil something important for me at a later date as I’ve never read anything about it and have no real knowledge hence why I’m watching it. I’ll sit on my phone and browse stuff, but if I’m watching something or she’s telling me a story, I can always keep tabs and answer any questions that come my way. Doesn’t work the other way around!

 

Tell her she dies if she doesn't shut up.

Edited by Sergeant Wilson

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Tell her she dies if she doesn't shut up.
Kill her anyway, fucking stupid bint. Why spoil it for yourself?! And someone else?! Don't let her breed, find a genetically smarter partner.

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My missus works in a care home. We were talking about the common myth of being able to smell burnt toast when you're having a stroke.

Without a second of thought, she said, 'That's a lot of nonsense, plenty of people in my work have had a stroke and I've never smelled burnt toast...'

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Woman at work has booked a holiday to Spain and then was disappointed when I told her that Madrid is not by the seaside.

"I guess it's a city break then".

Surely you should check these things before booking....

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19 minutes ago, Brummie Clyde said:

Woman at work has booked a holiday to Spain and then was disappointed when I told her that Madrid is not by the seaside.

"I guess it's a city break then".

Surely you should check these things before booking....

PMSL

If you were actively looking for a point in Spain furthest from the coast it would be Madrid ( it's actually Getafe which is on the edge of Madrid but close enough ), 

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9 minutes ago, MEADOWXI said:

PMSL

If you were actively looking for a point in Spain furthest from the coast it would be Madrid ( it's actually Getafe which is on the edge of Madrid but close enough ), 

The f**k?  We all know it's in Iraq

 

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It must be a common thing all women do when 'watching' TV.  My wife and I have started watching Line of Duty and we're almost finished season 2 and in one of the episodes last night we met a totally new character who was one of the bad guys.

You literally see one of the officers find the guy on the police database, look at a photo of him, look at CCTV footage of the guy, discuss him with her boss and then goes to try and find him.  He's in a couple of scenes before all this goes on kidnapping somebody but of course he ends up in hospital and is interviewed.

"Who's that again?"

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The Light of my Life is browsing through an American guide book to France and has just piped up.

"Did you know that Paris is twice the size of Colorado?"
"What? No it isn't."
"That's what it says here."
"Colorado? Paris is smaller than Denver."
"Definitely Colorado."
"What exactly does it say?"
"<Reading> An area of 250,000 square miles (About twice the size of Colorado.)"
"That can't be right - The whole of France is only about that size. Let me see."

Aye, it had given the population of France, with a sub-note for that of Paris, then went on to talk about the area of the former in square miles. She hadn't noticed the transition back. Because it would make perfect sense that Paris would be twice the size of the 8th largest US state. The one in which we live.

Edited by Shotgun

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Sometimes they will read something that's clearly nonsense and believe every word as if it came from the pen of God himself.

Sometimes they will dismiss even the most reputable of sources out of hand.

Is there a predictable pattern in there somewhere or is it entirely random?

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6 hours ago, Shotgun said:

"Colorado? Paris is smaller than Denver."

Quarter the size with 3 times the population. Not a lot of people know that.

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