DA Baracus Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 My missus asked me today if I had deactivated my Facebook account. I replied yes and told her it was because I wanted to devote my life to my family and God and would she come to church with me on Sunday. Her reply was "No, I'll have a hangover". All I can say is this was not the response I was expecting. She's gubbed you there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
energyzone Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Watching a documentary about Hadrian's Wall last week. Me: Amazing that they built that wall from coast to coast like that Her: Who was Adrian? Me: Hadrian was a Roman Her: From Romania? Me: No, tell me you know where the Romans were from? Her: Em...Greece? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotThePars Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 (edited) My girlfriend (who's had a privileged middle class upbringing) refused to go to Poundland and buy a replacement charger for her phone because she didn't know how much it would cost. Edited April 11, 2014 by NotThePars 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomtown Boy Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Off topic a wee bit this is out of the mouths of children. Anyway, am driving through Loanhead Main Street last week, stopped at a red light and my 6 year old nephew in the back asked why that shop has a big toothpaste outside, not having a feckin clue what he was on about I am looking all over the side he is pointing to and suddenly clicked what he was on about. I said thats not a big toothpaste its a pole that Barber Shops put outside there shop to let people know looking at the street that there is a Barber Shop there. "oh" he replied knowing he was a wee bit confused I asked him if he knew what a barber shop was. "a shop that sells Barbers?" Big laugh out loud and my 8 year old sitting in the front is in hysterics by now. "no" I said and before I could get the next sentence out my son pipes up in a very condescending manner. "duh, its a place where you buy meat" "no, ya donut, thats a butcher shop" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albino Rover Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Off topic a wee bit this is out of the mouths of children. Anyway, am driving through Loanhead Main Street last week, stopped at a red light and my 6 year old nephew in the back asked why that shop has a big toothpaste outside, not having a feckin clue what he was on about I am looking all over the side he is pointing to and suddenly clicked what he was on about. I said thats not a big toothpaste its a pole that Barber Shops put outside there shop to let people know looking at the street that there is a Barber Shop there. "oh" he replied knowing he was a wee bit confused I asked him if he knew what a barber shop was. "a shop that sells Barbers?" Big laugh out loud and my 8 year old sitting in the front is in hysterics by now. "no" I said and before I could get the next sentence out my son pipes up in a very condescending manner. "duh, its a place where you buy meat" "no, ya donut, thats a butcher shop" Surely bringing bakers' produce into the equation would only confuse matters! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ginger Prince Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I honestly wonder WTF I've committed myself to with this one, I really do. We're lying in bed, me watching MOTD her trying to get involved and i kept her happy, just agreeing with her and humouring her when she comes out with this absolute belter. 'I was just thinking, (I knew something special was coming when she said those words) how come when a black person and a white person have a baby, the baby doesn't come out and grow up a grey colour? You know, when you mix black and white you get grey'. Still as I type this, she was 100% genuine as well and ended up raging when I wouldn't stop laughing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 When we got up this morning(yesterday):- Me: I had a weird dream. A was with Kaley Cuoco in Iceland (shop) and I had to sub her because she was potless! I then said sarcastically that it was particularly strange considering she had just bought a £5million house with her man in real life. Her, deadly serious and no hint of sarcasm: Aye but you normally find that, folk have the best things but canny afford them. Not the worst thing but it was a surreal moment, as if she thought it was real 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockysJetpack Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Took my girlfriend to a Dundee-Hearts match in Edinburgh last season and at around the 30 minute mark I went to buy us some refreshments, hearing some noise whilst I was queuing when I came back I asked her if there had been a goal, to which she replied "I don't think so..." When Hearts won a penalty in the match, I saw her clapping (somewhat confusedly) out of the corner of my eye and I asked why. She answered "I heard clapping [from the Hearts fans] so I thought I should join in"... Still, credit to her for coming to the football and getting behind the Dees with me 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Took my girlfriend to a Dundee-Hearts match in Edinburgh last season and at around the 30 minute mark I went to buy us some refreshments, hearing some noise whilst I was queuing when I came back I asked her if there had been a goal, to which she replied "I don't think so..." When Hearts won a penalty in the match, I saw her clapping (somewhat confusedly) out of the corner of my eye and I asked why. She answered "I heard clapping [from the Hearts fans] so I thought I should join in"... Still, credit to her for coming to the football and getting behind the Dees with me The big question is: why did you not send her to get the scran while you watched the game? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockysJetpack Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 The big question is: why did you not send her to get the scran while you watched the game? When I was typing this up I was wondering this as well... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mozam76 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Watching the build up to the Liverpool vs Man City game, reminded me of something the missus said, when watching another match from Anfield. The camera on top of the stand that shows the full stadium, also showed a large pool of rain water running along the top of the main stand. My beloved, who's a lawyer by the way, thought that it was a moat running alongside the pitch, and was worried for the safety of the players, lest they fell in. I on the other hand, was worried for my wifes clients. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepper Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Watching the build up to the Liverpool vs Man City game, reminded me of something the missus said, when watching another match from Anfield. The camera on top of the stand that shows the full stadium, also showed a large pool of rain water running along the top of the main stand. My beloved, who's a lawyer by the way, thought that it was a moat running alongside the pitch, and was worried for the safety of the players, lest they fell in. I on the other hand, was worried for my wifes clients. Why, does she have a moat too? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Watching the build up to the Liverpool vs Man City game, reminded me of something the missus said, when watching another match from Anfield. The camera on top of the stand that shows the full stadium, also showed a large pool of rain water running along the top of the main stand. My beloved, who's a lawyer by the way, thought that it was a moat running alongside the pitch, and was worried for the safety of the players, lest they fell in. I on the other hand, was worried for my wifes clients. Windsor Park in Belfast has (or had, I'm not sure if it's still there) a moat in front of the North stand. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 The missus was counting money and she asked me "whats twenty and thirty?" - She works in a bank worryingly enough. Her dad's hand has been getting sore and swollen for a few days now and my missus thought that he might have "Grout". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 The missus was counting money and she asked me "whats twenty and thirty?" - She works in a bank worryingly enough. Her dad's hand has been getting sore and swollen for a few days now and my missus thought that he might have "Grout". Howling at this. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 The missus was counting money and she asked me "whats twenty and thirty?" - She works in a bank worryingly enough. Her dad's hand has been getting sore and swollen for a few days now and my missus thought that he might have "Grout". The bane of tilers everywhere. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaos1874 Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Walking along waterfront at night Her :- what are the red lights for in the water? Me :- thats buoys to help ships navigate in water Her :- What do the white ones mean? Me :- thats a car headlight 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudge Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Has anyone else had difficulty explaining the Europa League to their female counterparts? The concept of having two separate European cups is alien to my mrs, especially when she thinks that it should be based on city popularity rather than footballing merit (for example Roma/Milan should still be in Europe, while Juventus should be playing in the pub leagues). After explaining this all season, I thought we'd finally mastered it. She was even getting to grips with the Champions League teams going into the Europa league. Then, upon hearing of Portos exit last night she remarked "Do they drop into the Spanish League now?". My ex girlfriend asked me what the difference between the Champions' League and the UEFA Cup was. I explained that the Champions' League was the good one and the UEFA Cup was the shite one. She then asked which one Stenhousemuir played in. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonksy+HisChristianParade Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 'Manchester United are from London, right?' Wtf. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 (edited) 'Manchester United are from London, right?' Wtf. To be fair, most of their "fans" are, so she was half right. Edited April 14, 2014 by philpy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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