madmitch Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Talking to one of my female pals about my weekend a few weeks ago: Her: What is it you do when you're at the football Me: Well, I usually just pay in then go and get a pie and a bovril then go to my seat to watch the game. Her: Bovril? Isn't that what you wipe your bum with? Me: Sarah, thats bog roll. No that funny in all honesty but she's had some other moments where her mind just deserts her, other than that she's actually quite clever Not that funny? The tears of laughter are streaming down my face Thanks for that 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet Pete Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Watching Braveheart with the gf and the English cavalry have just been rattled to bits, she turns to me all smug and says, "Ha, if I was King Edward I would've won that battle!" Naturally I was confused by her apparent talent in battle strategy so I asked her how. "Easy!" she exclaimed, "I would have used unicorns instead of horses, they would have smashed the Scottish army to bits." "Um, unicorns aren't real Sara." "Yeah they are, well not now their extinct but back then...." I had to leave the room for a good ten minutes to regain some form of composure. I bet she's a cracking ride though. The dumb ones always are. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widge Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Now I know this doesn't quite follow the threads title, but a couple of my mates and I were pissing about in the swimming pool the other day, we were all seeing how far we could swim under water, he managed half of everyone elses, which we ridiculed him about. To which he responds - 'It's not my fault i don't know how to breath under water' It's safe to say water level rose, due to the sheer amount of tears that were coming from me. Saying that he has a reputation for saying stupid things like that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 A few years ago I received an e-mail at work from a woman who had just taken over the running of a building. "How often does the annual maintenance get carried out ?" I just wept for her. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamdunk Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 that was paritally the point!! hence why i asked what he was 'Sympathetic' to i didnt know if it was mozart, i dont know if he had an '8th' and i certainly didnt know where his sympathies lie. i could have told you it was on classic. it was orchestral and it was pish, but she had to tell me it was mozarts 8th 'sympathy' ETA: convo goes her - me - her -me. just realised it wasnt obviously clear Doh >.< my mistake The irony of fucking up on this thread is not lost on me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 lassie at work informed us all today that she doesnt use the pay petrol pump because it never works for her. asked her the problem, oh the petrol never comes out. is in not got any thing tied on ? (thinking it may be out of order. ) no, i just pick it up and squeaze , no petrol comes out. did you put your card in and pin number ? no.. cause it wouldnt give me petrol. there was a whole team of face palm at that moment 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smurph Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Now I know this doesn't quite follow the threads title, but a couple of my mates and I were pissing about in the swimming pool the other day, we were all seeing how far we could swim under water, he managed half of everyone elses, which we ridiculed him about. To which he responds - 'It's not my fault i don't know how to breath under water' It's safe to say water level rose, due to the sheer amount of tears that were coming from me. Saying that he has a reputation for saying stupid things like that. Excuses. Pissy pants. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Belgian Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Watching Braveheart with the gf and the English cavalry have just been rattled to bits, she turns to me all smug and says, "Ha, if I was King Edward I would've won that battle!" Naturally I was confused by her apparent talent in battle strategy so I asked her how. "Easy!" she exclaimed, "I would have used unicorns instead of horses, they would have smashed the Scottish army to bits." "Um, unicorns aren't real Sara." "Yeah they are, well not now their extinct but back then...." I had to leave the room for a good ten minutes to regain some form of composure. That is brilliant 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half A Person Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 ''It's amazing how clear the moon can be during the day'' ''Eh, that's the sun'' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half A Person Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 A girl at my work once asked me which animal pineapple came from. My sister told me she had to check on the internet whether a penguin was a bird or a fish. Another woman I worked with bought on of these brithday cards for her pal which has the big events and headlines of a prticular year on the front, in this case 1974. ''Erm, I'm sure he was born in 1975....' ''Och, I'll get him another one...I'll just keep this one for next year.' The same woman was informed she had a ladder in her tights. ''Och (she says 'och' a lot), I'll just turn them inside-out'' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half A Person Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Another female colleague thought that North was just the direction you were facing... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 ''It's amazing how clear the moon can be during the day'' ''Eh, that's the sun'' A girl at my work once asked me which animal pineapple came from. My sister told me she had to check on the internet whether a penguin was a bird or a fish. Another woman I worked with bought on of these brithday cards for her pal which has the big events and headlines of a prticular year on the front, in this case 1974. ''Erm, I'm sure he was born in 1975....' ''Och, I'll get him another one...I'll just keep this one for next year.' The same woman was informed she had a ladder in her tights. ''Och (she says 'och' a lot), I'll just turn them inside-out'' Another female colleague thought that North was just the direction you were facing... P&B is eternally grateful to you. You are a dimwit magnet. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half A Person Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Ha! I was just reminded of another woman I was in a meeting with and she was moaning about all these mysterious emails she was getting. Albeit they were work-related, but she just didnt recognise who was sending them... 'Just who is Dono Treply anyway?' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotThePars Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 A girl I know believed me when I told her New York was nicknamed the Big Apple because that's where the Apple headquarters were... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Conversation was happening about the gun rampage in Norway and the missus' niece asks aloud what language do they speak in Norway so as if that wasn't good enough the missus pipes up with "Duh, Swedish" and we all look at her waiting for the cogs to start turning "oh no, no its Dutch isnt it" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 A girl at my work once asked me which animal pineapple came from. I remember reading about that in the 'morons you work with thread'. Brilliant! Can;t quite top 'Gloves! Shoobee-doo-beedoo!' though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 at work today, one of the temps was asked for her primary and secondary contact numbers in case of emergency. she gave the contact details of her primary and secondary schools. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clyde til we die Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Me - is the pope catholic ? Her - No, he's German. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James_F Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 She thought Tim Minchin hosting Never Mind the Buzzcocks last night was Mick Hucknall. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Phoenix Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 "You care more about Stirling Albion than you do about me". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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