Rizzo Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 What's in the sauce? Olive oil, tomato, sweet pepper, red onion, basil and origami. Origami? ... yup. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 14 minutes ago, Rizzo said: What's in the sauce? Olive oil, tomato, sweet pepper, red onion, basil and origami. Origami? ... yup. Did she fold it in rather than stirring? 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UsedToGoToCentralPark Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 Or if you’re in Fife, drowning a dog to death. https://www.fifetoday.co.uk/news/crime/fife-man-drowned-golden-retriever-pet-dog-in-bath-and-sent-photo-of-its-body-to-ex-partner-3293425Journo has a good name for his job 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 26 minutes ago, Rizzo said: What's in the sauce? Olive oil, tomato, sweet pepper, red onion, basil and origami. Origami? ... yup. Reminds me of Dickie Dandruff's recipe for sheep's heid pie, with some red peppers, green peppers then add the Sunday peppers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connor1874 Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 On 13/07/2021 at 19:26, Rizzo said: What's in the sauce? Olive oil, tomato, sweet pepper, red onion, basil and origami. Origami? ... yup. My mate made the same mistake in the pub the other week. Said a local chippy's Pizza is shite cos they put too much origami on them. Then asked him what he got the next day and he replied 'Pizza'. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connor1874 Posted July 24, 2021 Share Posted July 24, 2021 Sadly, me and the genius responsible for my contributions thus far, split up a couple of months back. Fret now however, as I've been talking to a girl for a while now and met her last night and she's every bit as daft as the ex. Asked me last night if Berlin was an independent country, and told me she didn't understand how Scotland, England and Wales got to play in the Euro's because they left the EU... I'm back in the game. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tapiola Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 Driving home yesterday the phone rings “I’m lighting the barbecue but I spilt something on the fire lighters in the shed. Will they still work?” ”What did you spill on them?” “Paint thinner” ”yeah they’ll work even better than before, if you wanted to burn your face off” 90 seconds later with a sense of unease I call back “you’re not using them are you?” ”yeah why not?” 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 On 06/07/2021 at 00:13, Sugar_Army said: We could not believe she was allowed on the bus. Apparently she knew the driver. We are not talking a wee quiet bus. It was on a major route from a scheme to the city centre at 10am. Staff loved that animal group almost as much as the young people. The office always felt a wee bit brighter on that day . All the animals were rescue pets and she would talk about not just the animal, but what you needed to consider if ever getting one as a pet and how to be a responsible owner. She brought in a bearded dragon missing a tail, a three legged chameleon, even a couple of rabbits that had been in Geordie Shore. Everybody loved the sugar gliders but skinny pigs were not so easy on the eye mind you and there was a panic on one day when she thought she had lost a hamster (insert obligatory Richard Gere joke here). What are skinny pigs? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar_Army Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 4 hours ago, velo army said: What are skinny pigs? The Chic Young of Guinea pigs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar_Army Posted July 25, 2021 Share Posted July 25, 2021 Just remembered another belter from a few years ago. Met this girl who was 17 to support her. During the conversation her older sister piped up saying "Ach, I'm just thick as fcuk". I then tried to reassure her that this was not the case. I suggested that everybody learns differently and not always at the same rate, adding that academia is not for everyone so that might explain her negative experience at school, hence she might have switched off and not got the education/qualifications she might have wanted. Her reply was..."Nah, I am thick. I only found out last year that the sun and moon are not the same thing". I asked her to elaborate. She had spent nearly all her life thinking that the sun was like a slow spinning ball and as it turned it would eventually become the moon and that is how we got daytime and nightime. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connor1874 Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 On 24/07/2021 at 22:42, Connor1874 said: Sadly, me and the genius responsible for my contributions thus far, split up a couple of months back. Fret now however, as I've been talking to a girl for a while now and met her last night and she's every bit as daft as the ex. Asked me last night if Berlin was an independent country, and told me she didn't understand how Scotland, England and Wales got to play in the Euro's because they left the EU... I'm back in the game. She's cracking me up as we speak. Sitting texting, and told her I was sitting laughing at Danish on Google translate (That's the type of saddo I am) and she's just said is that no a pastry? Aye hen, I'm sat laughing at ****ing pastries. I spelled out that it is indeed the language of Denmark. She thought Danish was another word for dainty, as pastries are pretty dainty, hence 'having a Danish'. She's also just confessed that she recently learned they don't speak Finlandish in Finland. She assumed they did, just like they speak English in England... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK Hibee Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 Watching a film one night and the Mrs comes in and starts watching it. what’s the film called? In Bruges whereis it set? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar_Army Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 I have a female friend who fits the old fashioned blonde, fit but slightly dumb stereotype. I cut her slack as English is not her first language, but she has come out with some belters. Announced to a bunch of mostly strangers..."I like any man" (Eminem). Asked me if I had ever been on a "holocauster" (I had visions of a terrified Adolf Hitler at Blackpool Pleasure Beach). Asked her partner who is an HGV driver 'how many people could you get in the back of your truck?" As this was just a couple of days after 39 poor souls were found dead in the back of a lorry in Essex I had to ask her to clarify. Turned out she was actually asking about the sleeping compartment in the back of his cab. To be honest I was more shocked he had not pumped her in it yet than her initial question. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 3 hours ago, Sugar_Army said: Asked me if I had ever been on a "holocauster" (I had visions of a terrified Adolf Hitler at Blackpool Pleasure Beach). Maybe she meant this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthanasia_Coaster Not really practical for large-scale genocide, but pretty terrifying all the same. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101 Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 8 hours ago, Sugar_Army said: Turned out she was actually asking about the sleeping compartment in the back of his cab. To be honest I was more shocked he had not pumped her in it yet than her initial question Maybe she was about to offer you an invite to join them? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 9 hours ago, HK Hibee said: Watching a film one night and the Mrs comes in and starts watching it. what’s the film called? In Bruges whereis it set? That reminds me of speaking to a couple from yorkshire on a coach trip to ephesus. He said that it reminded him of that film with Colin Farrell. She said.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arabdownunder Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 I have a female friend who fits the old fashioned blonde, fit but slightly dumb stereotype. I cut her slack as English is not her first language, but she has come out with some belters. Announced to a bunch of mostly strangers..."I like any man" (Eminem). Asked me if I had ever been on a "holocauster" (I had visions of a terrified Adolf Hitler at Blackpool Pleasure Beach). Asked her partner who is an HGV driver 'how many people could you get in the back of your truck?" As this was just a couple of days after 39 poor souls were found dead in the back of a lorry in Essex I had to ask her to clarify. Turned out she was actually asking about the sleeping compartment in the back of his cab. To be honest I was more shocked he had not pumped her in it yet than her initial question.Back of the cab is for hookers and hitch-hikers. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimbaxters Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 1 hour ago, coprolite said: That reminds me of speaking to a couple from yorkshire on a coach trip to ephesus. He said that it reminded him of that film with Colin Farrell. She said.... ^^^^ 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar_Army Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 This is what I love about P&B. The knowledge and advice of fellow punters. I now know how to get rid of elderly relatives in a fun way while watching as I eat candy floss, that I missed the signs for a threesome, and how to travel round the country for without paying a penny as long as I am willing to drop my breeks at the sight of a Yorkie bar. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 11 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Maybe she meant this? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthanasia_Coaster Not really practical for large-scale genocide, but pretty terrifying all the same. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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