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Out of the mouth of babes...


kiwififer

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7 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

3 magpies having a mass brawl in the garden....

Wife "they're pecking that other one! Run out and give them a row!!"

I got sent out in similar circumstances. Two magpies were attacking a wee bird of some description. The magpies flew away, but the wee one was beyond help so I hit it with a shovel and put it in the bin.

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I got sent out in similar circumstances. Two magpies were attacking a wee bird of some description. The magpies flew away, but the wee one was beyond help so I hit it with a shovel and put it in the bin.
Did you maintain eye contact with the wife as you executed the small creature?

This is what happens when you meddle in nature.
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On 29/06/2021 at 10:50, hk blues said:

You see, that's where this is all going tits up.

For the avoidance of doubt, I was not taking the piss out of someone's grammar usage.  I was lightheartedly poking fun at the irony of somebody ripping the piss out of their wife's Arithmetic skills whilst at the same time making an English mistake themselves.  It's called irony.  

(I've checked this several times and feel safe that I can now hit "submit" but will take any resultant feedback for errors on the chin 'cos that's what we good guys do)

What’s with the capital A?

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Filling out the citizenship application: "This is taking ages!"

That's strange, I thought it would've been just a 5 minute process for another country to allow you to become a citizen of theirs. 

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Making dinner last week with the radio on, with a particularly famous Ultravox song playing.

As it reaches the chorus with Midge regaling us about how "this means nothing to me", the wife completes the line for him.

"Oh, Sienna!"

Me: "Sienna? Seriously?"

Her: "Aye, that's the songs name isn't it?"

Me: " "

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We were discussing when our five-year-old son can start getting more Piriton each time to help his hayfever. I point out we should be using the guide on the bottle that says 2-6 year old is 1x 2.5ml spoonful every 4-6 hours. 

She seems to think he can get 1 x 5ml spoonful every 4-6 hours because "he's closer to 6 than he is 5" 

I get these guides are just that and each kid is different (he's taller than the seven year old neighbour he plays with for a start) but how can a 5 year old be closer to 6 when they're still just 5?

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12 hours ago, Dee Man said:

Filling out the citizenship application: "This is taking ages!"

That's strange, I thought it would've been just a 5 minute process for another country to allow you to become a citizen of theirs. 

Didn’t realise it cost so much nowadays. Anyway just tell her to answer yes to the do you like vegemite question and she’ll soon be reciting 

From this time forward, (under God,)
I pledge my loyalty to Australia and its people,
whose democratic beliefs I share,
whose rights and liberties I respect, and
whose laws I will uphold and obey.
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14 hours ago, FK1Bairn said:

We were discussing when our five-year-old son can start getting more Piriton each time to help his hayfever. I point out we should be using the guide on the bottle that says 2-6 year old is 1x 2.5ml spoonful every 4-6 hours. 

She seems to think he can get 1 x 5ml spoonful every 4-6 hours because "he's closer to 6 than he is 5" 

I get these guides are just that and each kid is different (he's taller than the seven year old neighbour he plays with for a start) but how can a 5 year old be closer to 6 when they're still just 5?

And why would it matter if he's still only meant to have 1 x 2.5ml spoonful every  4-6 hours even if he was 6?

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Watching England Germany in the kitchen via sky go on xbox, the channel signal gets blurry for a few minutes (checked other channels, just the football went wonky)
She says, oh it's like they are filming it with a camera..

Not sure how else they would be doing it tbpfhwy

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6 hours ago, Eednud said:

Didn’t realise it cost so much nowadays. Anyway just tell her to answer yes to the do you like vegemite question and she’ll soon be reciting 

From this time forward, (under God,)
I pledge my loyalty to Australia and its people,
whose democratic beliefs I share,
whose rights and liberties I respect, and
whose laws I will uphold and obey.

Is there an alternative version where you can affirm?

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6 hours ago, Eednud said:

Didn’t realise it cost so much nowadays. Anyway just tell her to answer yes to the do you like vegemite question and she’ll soon be reciting 

From this time forward, (under God,)
I pledge my loyalty to Australia and its people,
whose democratic beliefs I share,
whose rights and liberties I respect, and
whose laws I will uphold and obey.

Nothing in there about being obliged to become a daft racist fuckwit?

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17 hours ago, FK1Bairn said:

We were discussing when our five-year-old son can start getting more Piriton each time to help his hayfever. I point out we should be using the guide on the bottle that says 2-6 year old is 1x 2.5ml spoonful every 4-6 hours. 

She seems to think he can get 1 x 5ml spoonful every 4-6 hours because "he's closer to 6 than he is 5" 

I get these guides are just that and each kid is different (he's taller than the seven year old neighbour he plays with for a start) but how can a 5 year old be closer to 6 when they're still just 5?

This'll go the same way as children under 3 travel free on the bus discussion.

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