Bairnardo Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 Was cutting up some cucumber the other day for a salad. As is my way, I had removed the skin. Enter Mrs B:"Have you washed that?""Na I peeled it""Aye but have you washed it? I dont want to be eating pesticides!""Aye, i've peeled it though, so the skin is gone, would you wash an orange or a banana after you peel it?""Youv always got an answer eh"Well, in cases like this where I am very obviously right and you a re being a bam.... Yes I have. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 9 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: As is my way, I had removed the skin. Enter Mrs B: "Have you washed that?" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 Reading between the lines. It's sound like she has been jamming it up her shitter will you have been out marching against Monosodium Glutamate, you food Nazi. She was just trying to help. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 32 minutes ago, Swarley said: That post was littered with potential Kenneth 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Mrs "I loved that Primal Scream concert but I don't think they played that song I like. You know the one that goes 'I'm free, to do what I want, any old time'". Me: "I think you're thinking of that Soup Dragons cover of the Rolling Stones track "I'm Free". Mrs: "Yes, that's it. They didn't play it". Me: "That's because it's not a Primal Scream track". Her: "Yes, but they didn't play it". Fucking hell. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Peeling a fucking cucumber? Monster. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Peeling a fucking cucumber? Monster. Makes sense. You could give a lady a nasty infection if you don't peel it. Apparently. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 2 hours ago, Shandon Par said: Mrs "I loved that Primal Scream concert but I don't think they played that song I like. You know the one that goes 'I'm free, to do what I want, any old time'". Me: "I think you're thinking of that Soup Dragons cover of the Rolling Stones track "I'm Free". Mrs: "Yes, that's it. They didn't play it". Me: "That's because it's not a Primal Scream track". Her: "Yes, but they didn't play it". Fucking hell. See this is why I don't go to see the proclaimers. They don't play all the Stereophonics tracks I like 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 3 hours ago, Shandon Par said: Mrs "I loved that Primal Scream concert but I don't think they played that song I like. You know the one that goes 'I'm free, to do what I want, any old time'". Me: "I think you're thinking of that Soup Dragons cover of the Rolling Stones track "I'm Free". Mrs: "Yes, that's it. They didn't play it". Me: "That's because it's not a Primal Scream track". Her: "Yes, but they didn't play it". Fucking hell. Reading between the lines, you need to give her more free time.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 9 minutes ago, SlipperyP said: Reading between the lines, you need to give her more free time.... Bobby Gillespie is lucky she wasn't close enough to give him a bollocking for not playing it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 She gave me one of them last week. Bobby would have liked it.... Bobby Gillespie is lucky she wasn't close enough to give him a bollocking for not playing it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 38 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: She gave me one of them last week. Bobby would have liked it.... Did you forget your oral pleasure stepladder? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Did you forget your oral pleasure stepladder?Mrs Shandon doesnt think a "bollocking" is the same thing as the rest of us....Also, I would like to draw you attention to the age old theory of "thur aw the same height lyin doon" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poet of the Macabre Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 Last year I was seeing a girl and we went to see 'A Star is Born' at the cinema. Didn't know much about it going in but really enjoyed it and we both said how much we liked the film afterwards. Days later I got a message off her saying "omg! did not realise brendan cooper killed himself in that film!! " 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted August 13, 2019 Share Posted August 13, 2019 41 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Mrs Shandon doesnt think a "bollocking" is the same thing as the rest of us.... Also, I would like to draw you attention to the age old theory of "thur aw the same height lyin doon" We're all God's children in the dark.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Marly Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 My other half's niece was telling her about some lassie she knew who was pregnant. Apparently the lassie, knowing she was having a boy, was considering naming the bairn Winston. Wife's niece didn't think it was a good name.Wife says "actually I quite like it".Niece: "aye but it's not a name usually given to white children. It's quite nice but not for me"Wife says "Winston Churchill?"Niece: "Was he white?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ2 Posted August 14, 2019 Share Posted August 14, 2019 Winston Ingram was white, bit of a red face right enough but mostly white. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Todd_is_God Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 My wife has an annoying habbit of opening cards as soon as they arrive, rather than waiting for the day of the event they are clearly for. To give an example our anniversary is this weekend, Sunday to be exact, yet she's opened cards today. I've tried explaining to her that people will post cards in time so that they arrive before said event, but that normal people recognise this, put them aside, and will then open the card on the actual day. Christmas cards the only exception to this. Am I the weirdo here, or am I right? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rizzo Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 2 minutes ago, Todd_is_God said: My wife has an annoying habbit of opening cards as soon as they arrive, rather than waiting for the day of the event they are clearly for. To give an example our anniversary is this weekend, Sunday to be exact, yet she's opened cards today. I've tried explaining to her that people will post cards in time so that they arrive before said event, but that normal people recognise this, put them aside, and will then open the card on the actual day. Christmas cards the only exception to this. Am I the weirdo here, or am I right? If the card is addressed to me and it's in my house then it's fair game. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Todd_is_God Posted August 15, 2019 Share Posted August 15, 2019 Just now, Rizzo said: If the card is addressed to me and it's in my house then it's fair game. So if your birthday was coming up, and a card arrived a few days prior, you'd open it right away? Mental behaviour IMO 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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