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Out of the mouth of babes...


kiwififer

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I've been trying to get my wife to watch Deadwood for years.  As the new film is fast approaching to finally finish it properly, I suggested again that we watch the series before it comes out.

She agreed!

Her review of the first episode:

"It's quite hard to follow"

Translation: I miss stuff when I'm fannying about on my phone.

 

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I've been trying to get my wife to watch Deadwood for years.  As the new film is fast approaching to finally finish it properly, I suggested again that we watch the series before it comes out.
She agreed!
Her review of the first episode:
"It's quite hard to follow"
Translation: I miss stuff when I'm fannying about on my phone.
 


My girlfriend and I started watching Game of Thrones from the very start the other day cause neither of us have watched them. We’re about 3 episodes in and she’s asking me who someone is cause she’s on her phone. The following conversation takes place -

Me - you’re on your phone I’m not explaining it to you

Her - I was paying attention!

Me - obviously not or you’d know who that was, put your phone down and actually watch it

Her - I was only googling who all dies in the series

So not only was she not paying attention, she was googling who dies when and will no doubt spoil something important for me at a later date as I’ve never read anything about it and have no real knowledge hence why I’m watching it. I’ll sit on my phone and browse stuff, but if I’m watching something or she’s telling me a story, I can always keep tabs and answer any questions that come my way. Doesn’t work the other way around!
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5 hours ago, Widge said:

 


My girlfriend and I started watching Game of Thrones from the very start the other day cause neither of us have watched them. We’re about 3 episodes in and she’s asking me who someone is cause she’s on her phone. The following conversation takes place -

Me - you’re on your phone I’m not explaining it to you

Her - I was paying attention!

Me - obviously not or you’d know who that was, put your phone down and actually watch it

Her - I was only googling who all dies in the series

So not only was she not paying attention, she was googling who dies when and will no doubt spoil something important for me at a later date as I’ve never read anything about it and have no real knowledge hence why I’m watching it. I’ll sit on my phone and browse stuff, but if I’m watching something or she’s telling me a story, I can always keep tabs and answer any questions that come my way. Doesn’t work the other way around!

 

Tell her she dies if she doesn't shut up.

Edited by Sergeant Wilson
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My missus works in a care home. We were talking about the common myth of being able to smell burnt toast when you're having a stroke.

Without a second of thought, she said, 'That's a lot of nonsense, plenty of people in my work have had a stroke and I've never smelled burnt toast...'

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19 minutes ago, Brummie Clyde said:

Woman at work has booked a holiday to Spain and then was disappointed when I told her that Madrid is not by the seaside.

"I guess it's a city break then".

Surely you should check these things before booking....

PMSL

If you were actively looking for a point in Spain furthest from the coast it would be Madrid ( it's actually Getafe which is on the edge of Madrid but close enough ), 

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9 minutes ago, MEADOWXI said:

PMSL

If you were actively looking for a point in Spain furthest from the coast it would be Madrid ( it's actually Getafe which is on the edge of Madrid but close enough ), 

The f**k?  We all know it's in Iraq

 

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It must be a common thing all women do when 'watching' TV.  My wife and I have started watching Line of Duty and we're almost finished season 2 and in one of the episodes last night we met a totally new character who was one of the bad guys.

You literally see one of the officers find the guy on the police database, look at a photo of him, look at CCTV footage of the guy, discuss him with her boss and then goes to try and find him.  He's in a couple of scenes before all this goes on kidnapping somebody but of course he ends up in hospital and is interviewed.

"Who's that again?"

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The Light of my Life is browsing through an American guide book to France and has just piped up.

"Did you know that Paris is twice the size of Colorado?"
"What? No it isn't."
"That's what it says here."
"Colorado? Paris is smaller than Denver."
"Definitely Colorado."
"What exactly does it say?"
"<Reading> An area of 250,000 square miles (About twice the size of Colorado.)"
"That can't be right - The whole of France is only about that size. Let me see."

Aye, it had given the population of France, with a sub-note for that of Paris, then went on to talk about the area of the former in square miles. She hadn't noticed the transition back. Because it would make perfect sense that Paris would be twice the size of the 8th largest US state. The one in which we live.

Edited by Shotgun
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Sometimes they will read something that's clearly nonsense and believe every word as if it came from the pen of God himself.

Sometimes they will dismiss even the most reputable of sources out of hand.

Is there a predictable pattern in there somewhere or is it entirely random?

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I was speaking to my mum and she was talking about her and my dad's friend's dog.

Mum: "They had to put him down in the end".
Me: "That's a shame, what was wrong with him?"
Mum: "Well, there was nothing physically wrong, he just couldn't stand up".
Me: ... "Nothing physically wrong, but he couldn't actually stand?"
Mum: "Yeah, that's right".
Me: *Insert facepalm gif*

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Her: "What are you drinking?"
Me: "Ginger and hibiscus". (mods, plz)
Her: "Isn't that the full name of Hibs?".
 

Only when Lennon was in charge and he and the team released a Christmas song.
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3 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

Her: "What are you drinking?"

Me: "Ginger and hibiscus". (mods, plz)

Her: "Isn't that the full name of Hibs?".

 

You should just encourage it.

'Yes, that is very good. Derived from the old Jedi name for Ireland.'

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18 minutes ago, HenryHill said:

You should just encourage it.

'Yes, that is very good. Derived from the old Jedi name for Ireland.'

It was actually the junior female in the household. She's normally the brains of the operation. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

This from my MIL over the weekend. We had gone to Cowal for the weekend and on Sunday drove from Tighnabruich to Dunoon. We were passing through a patch of woodland which was obviously part of a shooting estate. MIL drove slowly due to the number of suicidal birds flying/running across the road in front of us. At one point a male peacock strutted out into the middle of the road from the garden of a wee cottage. MIL was dumbstruck, this is what I can remember of what she said...

"What the f**k is that? Is that a f**king peacock? What the f**k is that doing here? Is that what f**king tories are blasting to bits for fun these days? How's it no movin'?"

She then rolled down the car window, stuck her head out and shouted  "GET OOT THE ROAD YA STUPI' FABULOUS TURKEY!" 

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