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Who else would serve you a pie if women weren't allowed at the football?

I don't mind of they're behind the counter of the pie stall. It's not like they'll watch the game anyway. I'm sure when they're done they sit around chatting about shoes until it's time to head for Throw Pillow Barn or Overpriced Pink Shoe Warehouse.

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There used to be this girl i really like, so I was dead pleased when she phoned me up and asked if I wanted to go cycling, no matter how weird I thought it was. Unfortunately, my bike had two flat tyres at the time, so, after 20 minutes of tearing up the house looking for the bicycle pump, i resorted to going round begging off the neighbours. I asked about four, making up some pish about my brother being stranded out in the countryside and needing me to go and collect him on my own bike to help him pump up his tyres. To this day I have no idea why I felt the need to lie. So anyway out I went, and things werent going too bad, although it was freezing and I really hadnt done a good job of pumping up my tyres. It was so mortifying, however, when along cycles the neighbour I had borrowed the pump off, on the same canal, coming straight for the two of us. He does a double take as he passes, and just stops, points at me and says 'you lying wee b*****d.....', before cycling off pishing himself. I think I ended up making up some pish about how he was my dads uncle and I had once lied to him that I couldnt ride a bike, in order to win money off him in a bet that I couldnt stay on one or something.

The absolute worst, however, was the time I took the same girl to my local sports centre for a game of squash, when she had never played before. Basically my mates dad, a very sporty, competetive guy, came in and went in the adjoining court. So while I was being very gentle with her, teaching her the game and making small talk at the same time, all we could hear was pants, huge smacks and occasional shouts of 'YOU b*****d!' from the other court. Ver uncomfortable, and needless to say I was in for a ripping the next time I saw said mate.

Your word choice at the beginning of this post lead me to believe this was going to be an absolute belter.

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You're right there.

Men who take their girlfriend to the football when she has no interest in the sport should be shot. They're always absolutely bowfing as well.

I know I'm right.

I've seen folk bring a bird, and it's shameful.

When we were in the arse end of Division Two running a bus was a constant battle to break even (as Kev of Kilsyth will tell you). So all the regulars used to hand the sweep back in if they won it.

One day one of them brought his ned bird. It so happened he won the sweep and I went to get the £20 off him and she squawked: "Don't you fukn dare gie that tae hum, right?!?!?!" at him, and snatched it off him. :lol:

He phoned me one New Year to tell me they'd got engaged. Later, his sister told me they announced it over dinner at his mother's. Apparently she'd said: "It's great coz now I can have the wean ah've wanted since ah wis 15."

She also wore a shell suit to the player/sponsor's end of season dinner.

It worked out okay in the end though. She fell down the steps of the bus one week, did her back in and never came back. :)

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I was about 14 and on holiday with the family and one of my pals. Quite a few of the teenagers hung around with each other at the hotel and one of the girls there told me her friend fancied me. I got her number and we texted a couple of times and then a group of us were going to go and buy some drink and head to the house of one of the local kids. I got absolutely wasted so that I could barely speak or stand up straight. I ended up setting my hair on fire infront of a mirror to find out what it smelled like and burned off far too much and stank the place out. Then I thought I'd make my move. I went to speak to her and I think I said something like "So. You like me?" but I also managed to burp as I was saying this. As you can imagine the beer/vodka burp isn't a particulalry pleasent experience. My memory is a bit hazy but I'm quite sure she made a quick excuse, walked away and never spoke to me for the rest of the holiday. :(

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Never really had any bad experiences myself,but a female I know at work told me she was pumped by a retard wearing a Hibs strip in the cinema once.

Seemingly it was all over before her choc ice even had a chance to melt !!!wink.gif

That's a bit worrying considering he's about 15.

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I know I'm right.

I've seen folk bring a bird, and it's shameful.

When we were in the arse end of Division Two running a bus was a constant battle to break even (as Kev of Kilsyth will tell you). So all the regulars used to hand the sweep back in if they won it.

One day one of them brought his ned bird. It so happened he won the sweep and I went to get the £20 off him and she squawked: "Don't you fukn dare gie that tae hum, right?!?!?!" at him, and snatched it off him. :lol:

He phoned me one New Year to tell me they'd got engaged. Later, his sister told me they announced it over dinner at his mother's. Apparently she'd said: "It's great coz now I can have the wean ah've wanted since ah wis 15."

She also wore a shell suit to the player/sponsor's end of season dinner.

It worked out okay in the end though. She fell down the steps of the bus one week, did her back in and never came back. :)

She sounds like a fuckin' topper!

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