Things you want to share with P&B

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

Just now, carpetmonster said:

Tomati 

That's a single malt isn't it?

[carpetmonster]

Just now, Zen Archer (Raconteur) said:

That's a single malt isn't it?

Nah, plural malt 

[BFTD]

Just now, Zen Archer (Raconteur) said:

What is plural of tomato?

Ah. Nice. Yes.

Years from now, I fully expect to get into a raging row with someone on here, only to be slapped down with, "at least I know how to spell tomatoEs, fat boy"  

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

1 minute ago, BFTD said:

Ah. Nice. Yes.

Years from now, I fully expect to get into a raging row with someone on here, only to be slapped down with, "at least I know how to spell tomatoEs, fat boy"  

There was an American Vice President who thought he'd be smart with a 3rd grader when he corrected the lad by insisting that the plural of potato was, well you can guess.

[scottsdad]

Just now, Zen Archer (Raconteur) said:

There was an American Vice President who thought he'd be smart with a 3rd grader when he corrected the lad by insisting that the plural of potato was, well you can guess.

Dan Quayle. If you are bored, look up some of his quotes. They are awesome. 

Quote

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people

 

[Miguel Sanchez]

Another wild Friday night in the Zen Archer household.

[sophia]

10 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

Dan Quayle. If you are bored, look up some of his quotes. They are awesome. 

 

Raging at my snoozing and losing as I scrolled.

I spotted the tomato error and immediately thought of potatoe.

 

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

3 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Another wild Friday night in the Zen Archer household.

[Miguel Sanchez]

Fireworks going off.

[Venti]

Classic

 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

The annual new year poem from some distant relatives in NZ has arrived. This time it’s the indigenous Māori population that are in the firing line, as well as the fact that the country’s leader is a woke woman.  He’s even provided footnotes (completely unreferenced of course).
 

Happy New Year wokeflakes.
 

Spoiler

(As this poem concerns New Zealand, I have added a few notes to explain

 the unbelievably “woke” behaviour of our Government - Frank)

 

The Voice

 

So now it is New Year, it could be my last

At eighty-eight years I am wearing out fast

I’m leaving this country; I’ve looked at the signs

Divided progressively down racial lines

Giving prime voice to a marginal faction

Letting it counter the much larger fraction (1)

Promoting minorities, making it clear 

Apartheid is gaining full traction down here  

 

I’ll go where news broadcasts in English abound

For English New Zealand has such a strange sound

Broadcasters whose diction is never the best

Have interspersed phrases no one would request

I hear them complain of a “hook in their ahnee “

And threaten sexual assault on a tahnee (2)

I have to remind them by hook or by crook

I’m just not impressed by their gobble-de-gook

 

The leader sure knows how we got in this fix

She claims some M.P’s are such arrogant p***ks (3)

And wasting resources to push carbon free

Ignores the disaster no carbon would be (4)

She pays cash in billions for Maori support (5)

To honour a treaty now only a rort

While granting those people a voice in command

Belittling democracy, splitting the land

 

I’m shattered by government’s not so smart acts

Unbalanced exam grades and cattle fart tax (6)

Proposing that Maori retire younger aged

And one into each council meeting engaged

Accusation at China never are hurled

In spite of a virus casually unfurled 

Growing their office by over ten acres

I think we need a new breed of lawmakers

 

Our modern electoral process unfurls

A Parliament ran by a gaggle of girls

A Tooth Fairy fielding a socialist tinge

Caused farmers to shudder and kiwis to cringe

While people who land titles never possessed (7)

Must compensate those who were not dispossessed 

So farewell my friends, I’ll indulge my desire

And pray I don’t step from the pan to the fire

 

Note 1. The NZ Government is fixated on the idea that Maori should be granted an equal voice in Government in spite of officially rating as only 16% of the population. This 16% is obviously much too high as pure-bred Maori are almost non-existent. (People with a miniscule part of Maori blood, class themselves as Maori probably because of the financial benefits available.)

Note 2. Maori have recently modified some pronunciations of their language.

  e.g. They have changed the sound of “Wh” (soft as in “Whip” to the harsh “Fi” (as in “Fish”) Thus the N.Z. city of Whakatane becomes - well awful!

Note 3. The Prime Minister, unaware that her microphone was still live, described a fellow parliamentarian as, ”An arrogant p***k.” She would know one!

 Note 4. No carbon, no vegetation. (Trees need carbon like people need oxygen!)

Note 5. Illegitimate claims?  There is evidence that New Zealand was occupied before the arrival of Maori. The last member of those people died in 1933.

Note 6. To gain university entrance, Lower qualification levels for Maori!

Note 7. Similar to America where people who have never owned slaves are expected to compensate people who have never been slaves!

 

Edited December 31, 2022 by Melanius Mullarkay

[Moomintroll]

9 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Some inconsiderate famous fucker dying at 11:30 tonight

FTFY.

[BFTD]

4 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

The annual new year poem from some distant relatives in NZ has arrived. This time it’s the indigenous Māori population that are in the firing line, as well as the fact that the country’s leader is a woke woman.  He’s even provided footnotes (completely unreferenced of course).
 

Happy New Year wokeflakes.
 

  Hide contents

(As this poem concerns New Zealand, I have added a few notes to explain

 the unbelievably “woke” behaviour of our Government - Frank)

 

The Voice

 

So now it is New Year, it could be my last

At eighty-eight years I am wearing out fast

I’m leaving this country; I’ve looked at the signs

Divided progressively down racial lines

Giving prime voice to a marginal faction

Letting it counter the much larger fraction (1)

Promoting minorities, making it clear 

Apartheid is gaining full traction down here  

 

I’ll go where news broadcasts in English abound

For English New Zealand has such a strange sound

Broadcasters whose diction is never the best

Have interspersed phrases no one would request

I hear them complain of a “hook in their ahnee “

And threaten sexual assault on a tahnee (2)

I have to remind them by hook or by crook

I’m just not impressed by their gobble-de-gook

 

The leader sure knows how we got in this fix

She claims some M.P’s are such arrogant p***ks (3)

And wasting resources to push carbon free

Ignores the disaster no carbon would be (4)

She pays cash in billions for Maori support (5)

To honour a treaty now only a rort

While granting those people a voice in command

Belittling democracy, splitting the land

 

I’m shattered by government’s not so smart acts

Unbalanced exam grades and cattle fart tax (6)

Proposing that Maori retire younger aged

And one into each council meeting engaged

Accusation at China never are hurled

In spite of a virus casually unfurled 

Growing their office by over ten acres

I think we need a new breed of lawmakers

 

Our modern electoral process unfurls

A Parliament ran by a gaggle of girls

A Tooth Fairy fielding a socialist tinge

Caused farmers to shudder and kiwis to cringe

While people who land titles never possessed (7)

Must compensate those who were not dispossessed 

So farewell my friends, I’ll indulge my desire

And pray I don’t step from the pan to the fire

 

Note 1. The NZ Government is fixated on the idea that Maori should be granted an equal voice in Government in spite of officially rating as only 16% of the population. This 16% is obviously much too high as pure-bred Maori are almost non-existent. (People with a miniscule part of Maori blood, class themselves as Maori probably because of the financial benefits available.)

Note 2. Maori have recently modified some pronunciations of their language.

  e.g. They have changed the sound of “Wh” (soft as in “Whip” to the harsh “Fi” (as in “Fish”) Thus the N.Z. city of Whakatane becomes - well awful!

Note 3. The Prime Minister, unaware that her microphone was still live, described a fellow parliamentarian as, ”An arrogant p***k.” She would know one!

 Note 4. No carbon, no vegetation. (Trees need carbon like people need oxygen!)

Note 5. Illegitimate claims?  There is evidence that New Zealand was occupied before the arrival of Maori. The last member of those people died in 1933.

Note 6. To gain university entrance, Lower qualification levels for Maori!

Note 7. Similar to America where people who have never owned slaves are expected to compensate people who have never been slaves!

 

Sounds like the sweet embrace of death can't come soon enough for all concerned.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

16 minutes ago, BFTD said:

Sounds like the sweet embrace of death can't come soon enough for all concerned.

They’re the NZ equivalent of the The Rangers supporting anti SNP types.  Plus they must be in their 90s so quite possibly the ultimate “poem”.

Thing is, the boy Frank used to send normal dittys pre-pandemic then just went batshit over the past 3 years or so. 

[Empty It]

Went on a mini pub crawl last night and despite not usually bothering with hogmanay I've come home with tickets for a hogmanay party, the problem is I was absolutely smashed and don't know which boozer I bought them for and it doesn't say on the ticket.

[BFTD]

3 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

They’re the NZ equivalent of the The Rangers supporting anti SNP types.  Plus they must be in their 90s so quite possibly the ultimate “poem”.

Thing is, the boy Frank used to send normal dittys pre-pandemic then just went batshit over the past 3 years or so. 

I don't get why people reach a certain age and figure it's OK to impose their miserable bullshit on other people.

You'll be dead soon. That's a shame, but trying to make everyone else unhappy too isn't going to change that.

[Venti]

Not ashamed to say this is a belter

 

[hk blues]

I've become something of an addict for buying football kits online from China - I suspect that at an average of 8 quid (incl. p&p) for a top and shorts they may not be 100% genuine but they are top quality fakes down to every detail. None of the cheap shit Ingleston Market crap.

In the past 2 months I've bought Juventus 3rd; Real Madrid 3rd; Barca 1st; Celtic 2nd ( to my shame but my young lad loves his Scottish heritage and the alternative was Celtic home); France 2nd (absolutely class with various French cultural icons displayed) and just yesterday Croatia 2nd arrived. 

Just to confirm, they are for my 10-year- old son- I'm no full-kit w****r.

 

[Cosmic Joe]

44 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

The annual new year poem from some distant relatives in NZ has arrived. This time it’s the indigenous Māori population that are in the firing line, as well as the fact that the country’s leader is a woke woman.  He’s even provided footnotes (completely unreferenced of course).
 

Happy New Year wokeflakes.
 

  Hide contents

(As this poem concerns New Zealand, I have added a few notes to explain

 the unbelievably “woke” behaviour of our Government - Frank)

 

The Voice

 

So now it is New Year, it could be my last

At eighty-eight years I am wearing out fast

I’m leaving this country; I’ve looked at the signs

Divided progressively down racial lines

Giving prime voice to a marginal faction

Letting it counter the much larger fraction (1)

Promoting minorities, making it clear 

Apartheid is gaining full traction down here  

 

I’ll go where news broadcasts in English abound

For English New Zealand has such a strange sound

Broadcasters whose diction is never the best

Have interspersed phrases no one would request

I hear them complain of a “hook in their ahnee “

And threaten sexual assault on a tahnee (2)

I have to remind them by hook or by crook

I’m just not impressed by their gobble-de-gook

 

The leader sure knows how we got in this fix

She claims some M.P’s are such arrogant p***ks (3)

And wasting resources to push carbon free

Ignores the disaster no carbon would be (4)

She pays cash in billions for Maori support (5)

To honour a treaty now only a rort

While granting those people a voice in command

Belittling democracy, splitting the land

 

I’m shattered by government’s not so smart acts

Unbalanced exam grades and cattle fart tax (6)

Proposing that Maori retire younger aged

And one into each council meeting engaged

Accusation at China never are hurled

In spite of a virus casually unfurled 

Growing their office by over ten acres

I think we need a new breed of lawmakers

 

Our modern electoral process unfurls

A Parliament ran by a gaggle of girls

A Tooth Fairy fielding a socialist tinge

Caused farmers to shudder and kiwis to cringe

While people who land titles never possessed (7)

Must compensate those who were not dispossessed 

So farewell my friends, I’ll indulge my desire

And pray I don’t step from the pan to the fire

 

Note 1. The NZ Government is fixated on the idea that Maori should be granted an equal voice in Government in spite of officially rating as only 16% of the population. This 16% is obviously much too high as pure-bred Maori are almost non-existent. (People with a miniscule part of Maori blood, class themselves as Maori probably because of the financial benefits available.)

Note 2. Maori have recently modified some pronunciations of their language.

  e.g. They have changed the sound of “Wh” (soft as in “Whip” to the harsh “Fi” (as in “Fish”) Thus the N.Z. city of Whakatane becomes - well awful!

Note 3. The Prime Minister, unaware that her microphone was still live, described a fellow parliamentarian as, ”An arrogant p***k.” She would know one!

 Note 4. No carbon, no vegetation. (Trees need carbon like people need oxygen!)

Note 5. Illegitimate claims?  There is evidence that New Zealand was occupied before the arrival of Maori. The last member of those people died in 1933.

Note 6. To gain university entrance, Lower qualification levels for Maori!

Note 7. Similar to America where people who have never owned slaves are expected to compensate people who have never been slaves!

 

Where does he stand on Transgender rights? 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 minute ago, Cosmic Joe said:

Where does he stand on Transgender rights? 

I might email him back to ask…