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I f*cked up Higher Maths but thanks to IT advances over the last three decades I've never really needed it 

History I'm good at though:

Discuss the three main causes of World War I: 

Imperial rivalries, ethic nationalism in the Balkans and Scottish League reconstruction.

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Don't know who you submit it to but I've heard if you post the full description to yourself, but don't open it when it comes back, the postmark on the sealed envelope will show when you had the idea if you ever need to prove it.

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5 hours ago, Raidernation said:

I have an idea for a reality tv show. Who do I send it to and how do I copy-write it first?

PM me and I’ll take care of it.

Mark it for Granny Danger at Plagiarism Productions.

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5 hours ago, Raidernation said:

I have an idea for a reality tv show. Who do I send it to and how do I copy-write it first?

I bet it's not as good as my Bargain Cūnt idea and I never even got an acknowledgement. Same for Beer Cūnter.

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7 hours ago, Raidernation said:

I have an idea for a reality tv show. Who do I send it to and how do I copy-write it first?

Roger Mellie's boss Tom at Fulchester TV 

If it's "Marbles up their arseholes" Roger got there first 

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Time to varnish the fence again while the weather's halfway decent.

Is there any sensible way to put the squirrels off using it as a launch pad while it dries? I'm not erecting a Chernobyl Shroud type monument or anything, but I feel bad that the poor wee buggers might end up with possibly toxic substances on their wee paws.

No, murdering them all beforehand is not an acceptable answer, you monster.

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1 hour ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Time to varnish the fence again while the weather's halfway decent.

Is there any sensible way to put the squirrels off using it as a launch pad while it dries? I'm not erecting a Chernobyl Shroud type monument or anything, but I feel bad that the poor wee buggers might end up with possibly toxic substances on their wee paws.

No, murdering them all beforehand is not an acceptable answer, you monster.

I reckon you’d only need to murder about 25% of them before the others would get the message.

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2 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

I reckon you’d only need to murder about 25% of them before the others would get the message.

Squirrels, not Dees.

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1 hour ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Time to varnish the fence again while the weather's halfway decent.

Is there any sensible way to put the squirrels off using it as a launch pad while it dries? I'm not erecting a Chernobyl Shroud type monument or anything, but I feel bad that the poor wee buggers might end up with possibly toxic substances on their wee paws.

No, murdering them all beforehand is not an acceptable answer, you monster.

We have some woodland near us, a year or so back, the local Council had a cull of Grey Squirrels.

Not seen one here in quite a while now, glad to see the back of the little b*****ds, as they used to wreak havoc with our birdfeeders.

 

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Just now, Silverton End said:

We have some woodland near us, a year or so back, the local Council had a cull of Grey Squirrels.

Not seen one here in quite a while now, glad to see the back of the little b*****ds, as they used to wreak havoc with our birdfeeders.

We've just got a wee family of squirrels that lives out the back of us. They're tremendously entertaining to watch. Regular handbags with the pigeons; I think they're trying to capture some to fly on their backs around the town.

Might be reading a bit much in to that, right enough.

4 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

Nah you’d have to shoot all of them, just to be on the safe side.

I bow to the voice of experience.

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1 hour ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Is there any sensible way to put the squirrels off using it as a launch pad while it dries?

something like this:

Cameo Instant Air 2000 Pro – Thomann UK

a) set on full power will literally blow the squirrels off the fence, or deter them from climbing on it in the first place, unless they are really determined and/or properly equipped

b) will help the varnish to dry more quickly thereby reducing the period during which deterrence of any kind is required

c) will test the fence for durability in high winds

d) you could maybe reverse the motor, take off the safety guard, and use it to suck the squirrels off (leave it) their nearby perches, and mince them at the same time (though this might be deemed unsuitable under the "not murdering them" criterion, and the fence might get pebble-dashed in a non-fetching grey/red colour...)

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