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3 hours ago, Lisa Cuddy said:

Anyone old enough to remember milk deliveries to the door in the middle of winter will tell you, frozen milk tastes like off milk. 

The really old can remember helping to carry crates of frozen school milk into our primary school classroom at 9am. It was then placed beside a radiator in the vague hope that it might melt. 

It tasted awful (compared with normal), no matter whether or not it had completely melted by the 11am break.

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Well, it's not often that I leap out of bed in the morning, but today was one of those mornings. I now know how Alexander Fleming or the Curies must have felt. My hands were almost trembling as I poured my morning tea and went to the freezer - not the fridge mind - the freezer, for the milk. 

And there I encountered the first problem....


The colour. I knew frozen milk could take on a slightly yellow hue, but I wasn't expecting piss cubes. No matter, it's all in the mind. I'll crack on.

Next problem was getting the cube out the tray. Not as easy as you might think, even with a knife. Of course, with ordinary ice-cubes, a stray cube could skyte off and you could safely ignore it, but you don't really want an unknown quantity of milk defrosting somewhere on your kitchen floor, so I had to exercise caution. Eventually, I was ready...


So I dropped it in the cup, and encountered another unforeseen "event". The b*****d just sat there smugly and refused to melt. 


It took a good 30 seconds of rigorous mashing with the teaknife to get it to dissolve. And finally, after more faffing than I really could be doing with on a Wednesday morning, I was left with a perfectly ordinary looking cup of tea. 

Despite the piss milk cube refusing to melt, the temperate of the tea was spot-on. The taste, however, could only be described as perfunctory. Certainly better than having no milk or using whitener, or worse still, UHT milk (but there's no demand for that cos it's shite). But not quite as good as using fresh milk. 

So there you have it. I certainly wouldn't advocate leaping down to Sainsbury's to buy a pack of ice-cube trays (£3.50 for a pack of 2, the fucking rob-dogs) and decanting all 2 litres of milk into them for your morning brew. But, if you have some milk that's on its way out the door and you don't want to waste it, my advice would be to ignore the nay-sayers and prepare some milk cubes. The next time you run out of milk and can't be arsed going to the shop, just pop a milk-cube in your cuppa and you're good to go.

Just tell any other members of your household what you're doing in case they find them in the freezer and wonder what the hell you get up to when left alone in the house. 

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22 hours ago, Dee Man said:

This is potentially a great idea for young couples who are looking to start a family and the female has a vagina covered with dodgy cladding - once her fanny inevitably catches fire the guy could extinguish the flames with a spunk cube and impregnate her at the same time. 2 for the price of 1.

I'm looking for £50,000 for a 25% stake in the business.



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