Pregnancy And Parenting

[derrybiy]

Any tips for how to prepare for your first?

Our first is due in May and now that we've had the 12 week scan it's becoming a reality that we can't ignore. It wasn't unplanned but it feels like it because we feel much less maternal and paternal than most of the rest of our mates who are a few years into being parents. We're still only in our late 20's but our focus has been on houses, big holidays, a dog, a wedding and essentially anything else.

It's also been timed with me soon changing from a job working from home 5 days a week with decent pay to initially being out 12 hours a day Monday to Thursday with a 3 day weekend but much less pay. We think we can continue to afford our current house and we can afford 9 months maternity leave but we'll find out. Also when I'm working my wife will have the baby and a dog to contend with.

I did briefly consider reading the last 755 pages but that seems like a waste of time. I know you can never be ready but I'm hoping there will be a decent book, podcast or general advice to read for a man who knows very little. I'm well aware that I'll have much less / no time to myself so I'm getting ready for that. I'm also not too worried about not being able to handle it because I just think about how everyone I know has ultimately managed somehow. What I'm hoping for is general advice about what we should be focusing on? So of course after speaking to family/friends and before googling randomy I thought it's worth asking P&B.

[The Moonster]

9 hours ago, derrybiy said:

Any tips for how to prepare for your first?

Our first is due in May and now that we've had the 12 week scan it's becoming a reality that we can't ignore. It wasn't unplanned but it feels like it because we feel much less maternal and paternal than most of the rest of our mates who are a few years into being parents. We're still only in our late 20's but our focus has been on houses, big holidays, a dog, a wedding and essentially anything else.

It's also been timed with me soon changing from a job working from home 5 days a week with decent pay to initially being out 12 hours a day Monday to Thursday with a 3 day weekend but much less pay. We think we can continue to afford our current house and we can afford 9 months maternity leave but we'll find out. Also when I'm working my wife will have the baby and a dog to contend with.

I did briefly consider reading the last 755 pages but that seems like a waste of time. I know you can never be ready but I'm hoping there will be a decent book, podcast or general advice to read for a man who knows very little. I'm well aware that I'll have much less / no time to myself so I'm getting ready for that. I'm also not too worried about not being able to handle it because I just think about how everyone I know has ultimately managed somehow. What I'm hoping for is general advice about what we should be focusing on? So of course after speaking to family/friends and before googling randomy I thought it's worth asking P&B.

I'm just over 5 months deep with our wee yin and I would say to prepare yourself for the first 3 months being utterly shite, you being constantly tired and probably countless times you'll question if you're capable of doing it. Things get immeasurably better after that though (or has done for me). Their bodies work a bit better, they start seeing properly and reacting to things and wee tiny things will bring you so much joy. As for what you should know, nurses and health visitors will tell you the really important stuff but you'll realise very quickly that everyone is just fucking winging it and you'll find what works for you and your wee yin. Get into a routine that suits you all as quickly as you can and you'll be fine. All the best.

[Jacksgranda]

9 hours ago, derrybiy said:

Any tips for how to prepare for your first?

Our first is due in May and now that we've had the 12 week scan it's becoming a reality that we can't ignore. It wasn't unplanned but it feels like it because we feel much less maternal and paternal than most of the rest of our mates who are a few years into being parents. We're still only in our late 20's but our focus has been on houses, big holidays, a dog, a wedding and essentially anything else.

It's also been timed with me soon changing from a job working from home 5 days a week with decent pay to initially being out 12 hours a day Monday to Thursday with a 3 day weekend but much less pay. We think we can continue to afford our current house and we can afford 9 months maternity leave but we'll find out. Also when I'm working my wife will have the baby and a dog to contend with.

I did briefly consider reading the last 755 pages but that seems like a waste of time. I know you can never be ready but I'm hoping there will be a decent book, podcast or general advice to read for a man who knows very little. I'm well aware that I'll have much less / no time to myself so I'm getting ready for that. I'm also not too worried about not being able to handle it because I just think about how everyone I know has ultimately managed somehow. What I'm hoping for is general advice about what we should be focusing on? So of course after speaking to family/friends and before googling randomy I thought it's worth asking P&B.

Read the last 755 pages...

[hk blues]

10 hours ago, derrybiy said:

Any tips for how to prepare for your first?

Our first is due in May and now that we've had the 12 week scan it's becoming a reality that we can't ignore. It wasn't unplanned but it feels like it because we feel much less maternal and paternal than most of the rest of our mates who are a few years into being parents. We're still only in our late 20's but our focus has been on houses, big holidays, a dog, a wedding and essentially anything else.

It's also been timed with me soon changing from a job working from home 5 days a week with decent pay to initially being out 12 hours a day Monday to Thursday with a 3 day weekend but much less pay. We think we can continue to afford our current house and we can afford 9 months maternity leave but we'll find out. Also when I'm working my wife will have the baby and a dog to contend with.

I did briefly consider reading the last 755 pages but that seems like a waste of time. I know you can never be ready but I'm hoping there will be a decent book, podcast or general advice to read for a man who knows very little. I'm well aware that I'll have much less / no time to myself so I'm getting ready for that. I'm also not too worried about not being able to handle it because I just think about how everyone I know has ultimately managed somehow. What I'm hoping for is general advice about what we should be focusing on? So of course after speaking to family/friends and before googling randomy I thought it's worth asking P&B.

I was 47 when we had our first, the wife was 35.  We were living in Hong Kong at the time to add to the mix so dealing with how things are done there rather than at home.  And me and the wife are from different countries and cultures.  In Hong Kong you are on your own after bringing the baby home - no health visitor or such help or advice. You've got it easy mate! 

Seriously though, we just took it one step at a time - got the check-ups done when we had to  (ok, when she had to) and whatever admin for the birth that was needed was a priority.  And as the time same closer we bought the key stuff such as cot and pram and clothes etc to get us through the first few days and weeks.  It's as complicated or as  easy as you want it to be.  

Just make sure you don't get too bogged down in the enormity of it all, and it can be, and make sure you enjoy the experience. Oh, and make sure you get his/her name down for a season ticket to Dens ASAP!

Good Luck mate, although you won't need it! 

 

 

 

[Rugster]

33 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

Read the last 755 pages...

Seconded. Definitely worth reading through. Bucketloads of advice on a myriad of issues. 

[scottsdad]

10 hours ago, derrybiy said:

Any tips for how to prepare for your first?

Our first is due in May and now that we've had the 12 week scan it's becoming a reality that we can't ignore. It wasn't unplanned but it feels like it because we feel much less maternal and paternal than most of the rest of our mates who are a few years into being parents. We're still only in our late 20's but our focus has been on houses, big holidays, a dog, a wedding and essentially anything else.

It's also been timed with me soon changing from a job working from home 5 days a week with decent pay to initially being out 12 hours a day Monday to Thursday with a 3 day weekend but much less pay. We think we can continue to afford our current house and we can afford 9 months maternity leave but we'll find out. Also when I'm working my wife will have the baby and a dog to contend with.

I did briefly consider reading the last 755 pages but that seems like a waste of time. I know you can never be ready but I'm hoping there will be a decent book, podcast or general advice to read for a man who knows very little. I'm well aware that I'll have much less / no time to myself so I'm getting ready for that. I'm also not too worried about not being able to handle it because I just think about how everyone I know has ultimately managed somehow. What I'm hoping for is general advice about what we should be focusing on? So of course after speaking to family/friends and before googling randomy I thought it's worth asking P&B.

On feeling maternal/paternal, I was in a similar situation. My son was planned but even through the early scans it felt a bit unreal.

I remember the moment I felt paternal for the very first time. I went to Toys R Us in Cardiff to buy a cot. I was there myself, picked up the cot and paid at the till. I was walking out the shop carrying it, thinking about getting home and building my kid his first bed - it really hit me right there and then. Even now, around 18 years later, I remember the moment. Not everyone will have a moment like that, but trust me, by the time you have the wee one in your life you'll wonder how you every lived any other way.

[hk blues]

18 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

... by the time you have the wee one in your life you'll wonder how you every lived any other way.

I don't know if it's unnatural but, as I said in a post above I was 47 before getting started and I can honestly say I enjoyed my "previous life" every bit as much as the new one.  I don't just mean enjoyed but enjoyed just as much.  

 

[scottsdad]

8 minutes ago, hk blues said:

I don't know if it's unnatural but, as I said in a post above I was 47 before getting started and I can honestly say I enjoyed my "previous life" every bit as much as the new one.  I don't just mean enjoyed but enjoyed just as much.  

 

Might make a difference. I'm 43 and cannot imagine having a new baby now!

[hk blues]

7 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

Might make a difference. I'm 43 and cannot imagine having a new baby now!

At 43 I was the same!

[derrybiy]

Cheers everyone. I'll do a mixture of reading this thread, possibly buying a book and winging it. The replies here and first few pages of the thread put me more at ease.

[RH33]

4 hours ago, derrybiy said:

Cheers everyone. I'll do a mixture of reading this thread, possibly buying a book and winging it. The replies here and first few pages of the thread put me more at ease.

I've done a fair amount of winging it over last 14 year.

I know bother HSF and I did baby led weaning and was less.bassle that purees! I've got three and none of them are the same.

The one thing I wasn't prepared for was my inability to produce enough milk and in turn the horrible time from the midwives. 

[Jimmy Shaker]

Every time you’re out getting a shop, buy nappies, wipes, etc. One pack will do. Aldi ones are fine. Stash them somewhere so you’ve a massive hoard of them for when Baby comes home. It’ll still never be enough, but when everyone is buying Baby nice outfits, fancy hats, Premium Bonds, whatever, you’ll find yourself muttering ‘great stuff, but another packet of wipes would have been just as useful’.

We’d enough disposables to open a branch of Mothercare four short weeks ago, and Hamish has pished his way through nearly all of it already.  

[RH33]

2 hours ago, Jimmy Shaker said:

Every time you’re out getting a shop, buy nappies, wipes, etc. One pack will do. Aldi ones are fine. Stash them somewhere so you’ve a massive hoard of them for when Baby comes home. It’ll still never be enough, but when everyone is buying Baby nice outfits, fancy hats, Premium Bonds, whatever, you’ll find yourself muttering ‘great stuff, but another packet of wipes would have been just as useful’.

We’d enough disposables to open a branch of Mothercare four short weeks ago, and Hamish has pished his way through nearly all of it already.  

I often give people nappies and wipes as a kind of side present when they have a baby!

[Jimmy Shaker]

Also, clean your house one last time and admire it.

[thistledo]

On 21/11/2022 at 22:55, derrybiy said:

Any tips for how to prepare for your first?

Our first is due in May and now that we've had the 12 week scan it's becoming a reality that we can't ignore. It wasn't unplanned but it feels like it because we feel much less maternal and paternal than most of the rest of our mates who are a few years into being parents. We're still only in our late 20's but our focus has been on houses, big holidays, a dog, a wedding and essentially anything else.

It's also been timed with me soon changing from a job working from home 5 days a week with decent pay to initially being out 12 hours a day Monday to Thursday with a 3 day weekend but much less pay. We think we can continue to afford our current house and we can afford 9 months maternity leave but we'll find out. Also when I'm working my wife will have the baby and a dog to contend with.

I did briefly consider reading the last 755 pages but that seems like a waste of time. I know you can never be ready but I'm hoping there will be a decent book, podcast or general advice to read for a man who knows very little. I'm well aware that I'll have much less / no time to myself so I'm getting ready for that. I'm also not too worried about not being able to handle it because I just think about how everyone I know has ultimately managed somehow. What I'm hoping for is general advice about what we should be focusing on? So of course after speaking to family/friends and before googling randomy I thought it's worth asking P&B.

Our second is on the way so I wrote a list on my phone, a lot of it is obvious, but one thing that saved a lot of hassle for night feeds after the boob feeding stopped was buying a prep machine (we got a Tommy Tippee one) saves so much time at god knows what hours you end up getting up at. 

Mam bottles and a drying rack for them is a good shout.

You go through some amount of muslin / cloth type things. 

Enjoy sleep while you can. Sleep when you can, when they arrive if it's hard going. 

Sounds a weird thing to say, but try to enjoy it and focus on the positives. Nearly all of the bad stuff will be temporary and dwelling on it does no good, just accept it and move on. This is advice to myself as much as anyone else, after getting next to no sleep, crying baby and not knowing how to stop it. I was set for never having another one. This hits me more realising recently how quick our first is growing up (over 2 now) and that it's time you never get back. 

[PB1994]

2 hours ago, thistledo said:

Our second is on the way so I wrote a list on my phone, a lot of it is obvious, but one thing that saved a lot of hassle for night feeds after the boob feeding stopped was buying a prep machine (we got a Tommy Tippee one) saves so much time at god knows what hours you end up getting up at.  

We had one for both of ours and it was a fantastic piece of kit. Use the wee containers you get for the powder too. It sounds ridiculous but when it is 2/3 in the morning and you are buggered counting to 5 or 6 with a screaming child can be quite difficult. Having the powder already measured out made things so much easier. 

[scottsdad]

We never even bothered with breast milk. Bottles all the way. 

My son seems to have stopped growing at 6 foot 1. Don't think it has stunted him much. 

[Jacksgranda]

On 22/11/2022 at 21:58, derrybiy said:

Cheers everyone. I'll do a mixture of reading this thread, possibly buying a book and winging it. The replies here and first few pages of the thread put me more at ease.

It's all here! 

[HoBNob]

On 17/11/2022 at 22:37, sailorcowden said:

I have my first on the way in February. Was told a few months ago that is a wee girl we are expecting. I am excited beyond belief and cannot wait to get started. Doing a longer stretch away the now to get plenty of leave at the back of the bairn being born and I guess it's my time to start thinking of a change of career. It'll be rough missing out on large chunks of her growing up. 

With the wee one coming I moved back to Fife and am currently looking into a career change, if you do likewise we can meet at the Silver Birch and lament our lost time away! 

[Christophe]

Hello!

Never dipped into this thread before as Kid A is 19 now and it wasn't around when the world imploded and she was created!

Now, six months short of 20 years later, B&C are on the way. Identical twin girls due on December 22nd. 

Anyone in the twin club? I've been buzzing since that early scan back in May, though Mrs Christophe has had a few wobbles trying to get her head around it. It is quite the thing, planning and budgeting for one only for everything to double! We are only 4 weeks or so away now and i forgot how fast everything goes, the time really does run away from you!