Pregnancy And Parenting

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

Has any Dad's on here taken their kids on a full time basis after them living with their Mother?

For anyone following a few months ago about my soon to be 13 year old son deciding where he wants to live. We hadn't spoke about it for atleast a month or so as I was wanting him to make his own mind up in his own time, and out of the blue yesterday morning my son told me he wants to move in with me full time. 

Now is the bit I'm puzzled about, the process of making it happen. In Scotland a child can make up their mind at 12 years old but his Mum will likely stand her ground. I live in Falkirk and his mum lives in the south west of Glasgow, 25 minute drive but unfortunately his mum doesn't drive. Whilst I will never doubt his mums love for him, she will stand to lose around 500 quid a month in benefits including my maintenance money. She has refused to work and has not worked since she was pregnant, no idea how she's managed to escape work. This would obviously be a massive blow! Most importantly the idea of her son, her only house mate no longer being in the home would be a huge deal, so I am really unsure how to go about this. 

Any pointers would be most welcome! 

[RH33]

I think if she stands her ground you’ll need to go through the court system.

Sad that you’re son feels something is lacking and wants to move. As mentioned to you before may be grass is greener but reality is if he’s there full time you’ll have tensions just like he’s maybe having with his mum. Plus not easy just to up and move back if he decides as schools will have to be changed etc.

Also as a single mum, I’ve only just gone back to work in last six months. 11am-2pm term time.
It’s not as easy as just getting any job when you have zero childcare options other than paying £30 odd a day. Plus my son has had issues with bowel and I was getting called school regularly, I’d have been fired.

Edited February 23, 2020 by RH33

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

27 minutes ago, RH33 said:

I think if she stands her ground you’ll need to go through the court system.

Sad that you’re son feels something is lacking and wants to move. As mentioned to you before may be grass is greener but reality is if he’s there full time you’ll have tensions just like he’s maybe having with his mum. Plus not easy just to up and move back if he decides as schools will have to be changed etc.

Also as a single mum, I’ve only just gone back to work in last six months. 11am-2pm term time.
It’s not as easy as just getting any job when you have zero childcare options other than paying £30 odd a day. Plus my son has had issues with bowel and I was getting called school regularly, I’d have been fired.

Aye I remember your chat before. His mum has no excuses though, we've been lucky as he's been pretty plain sailing, my mum and step-dad live around the corner (literally 100m away!), my step-dad being retired and has always offered to look after him until she gets home from work. She's probably telling the dole office that I'm absent and my family aren't willing to help. Her auld man isn't able bodied and her mum looks after him so in the eyes of the social, its impossible for her to work. She doesn't have any other kids either. 

Anyway, I wouldn't say it's sad that he feels he needs to move out of his mums. I was a mummy's boy and a daddy's boy, but I always said if my mum and dad were to split up, I'd move in with my Dad. They didn't split up until I was 21 and by that point I had left the house anyway. 

The problem my son has is his mum treats him like a wee brother and speaks to him like one. I've always had my suspicions that something wasn't right back there as his moods were funny as a young kid and its starting to come to fruition. He's the model child here and I get a lot of compliments about him, he's a brilliant big brother to his wee 20 month old daughter, that could be another reason why he wants to move here. However his mum is always painting him as this uncontrollable cheeky 12 year old, and I just never wee that. 

The whole thing is a shame, it's far from ideal. I love my son to bits and I've always wanted him to live with me, this weekend daddy thing is pish, but it's reality. There is many differences between the 2 households and the locations, obviously I'm biased but I can justify in saying that he would be much better off in Falkirk than Govan, better school, better area, the ability to get to after school activities such as athletics, swimming etc etc. But I've not told the wee man any of this, I wanted him to see this for himself. 

He's got a cracking bunch of pals here, they all go to the cinema, swimming, bowling etc together and if they're not doing that, they're kicking a ball about somewhere no matter the weather. In Glasgow his pals are never out and they all have after dark curfews because of the neds, gangs and junkies/alkies that take over. 

Pretty much giving my life story away here

Before I finish, the biggy for me is how do I tell the wee man's mum this? It's also going to be uncomfortable for my son who'll obviously have to live with her if she does stand ground, how will this affect him? Honestly my head is in knots. 

[RH33]

It’s a hugely complex situation and I really do feel for you both.

My youngest and I clash terribly but her dad says she’s fine at his house. But I know it’s down to us being too alike. But she is also a total mummy’s girl. Ironically She’s the only one of the three likely to say I’m staying at yours permanently! 
 

Having shifted mine to a new town and school in August though I have only seen benefits. Their old school is a shambles and I wasn’t sticking about. They knew one kid. Six months on and it’s like they’ve been there forever. Your son is starting out a new school with a base of pals which is hugely positive.

Maybe approach a mediator who can facilitate a meeting with your ex and yourself. Maybe with the mediator having previously spoken to your son.y concern is if you do it directly she will become bitter and hostile and start throwing accusations of you making him do this etc.

[Busta Nut]

On ‎23‎/‎02‎/‎2020 at 21:03, Ingo ohne Flamingo said:

Before I finish, the biggy for me is how do I tell the wee man's mum this? It's also going to be uncomfortable for my son who'll obviously have to live with her if she does stand ground, how will this affect him? Honestly my head is in knots. 

I am a knida "nae point in pishin' aboot" guy.

Flat out have to tell her what's come about. Maybe better face to face I suppose.

[pandarilla]

I am a knida "nae point in pishin' aboot" guy.
Flat out have to tell her what's come about. Maybe better face to face I suppose.

I think it needs to be a face to face, having giving her forewarning that you're coming through to discuss your son.

Make sure you and your son are on the same page here, both in terms of what you're going to say to the mum, and in terms of how he's going to speak to her after you do. That will be difficult as well.

You can't make it seem like you're ganging up but fully prepare your son for how difficult this could turn out to be. Try to be as open and honest with both parties in a way that seems like you're not playing any games.

Good luck.

[Jacksgranda]

Our 4 year old granddaughter informed my wife before she went home that"veins carry your blood about and the thump, thump you hear off your heart is your heart pushing blood to your brain and your fingers".

I'm not sure if I knew that sort of stuff when I left primary school, never mind before I started.

[Northsea80]

Here’s our daughter giving people the Snow White/Princess Leia crossover that Disney have likely been working on since the acquired the rights to Star Wars.

[Father Ted]

Has any Dad's on here taken their kids on a full time basis after them living with their Mother?
For anyone following a few months ago about my soon to be 13 year old son deciding where he wants to live. We hadn't spoke about it for atleast a month or so as I was wanting him to make his own mind up in his own time, and out of the blue yesterday morning my son told me he wants to move in with me full time. 
Now is the bit I'm puzzled about, the process of making it happen. In Scotland a child can make up their mind at 12 years old but his Mum will likely stand her ground. I live in Falkirk and his mum lives in the south west of Glasgow, 25 minute drive but unfortunately his mum doesn't drive. Whilst I will never doubt his mums love for him, she will stand to lose around 500 quid a month in benefits including my maintenance money. She has refused to work and has not worked since she was pregnant, no idea how she's managed to escape work. This would obviously be a massive blow! Most importantly the idea of her son, her only house mate no longer being in the home would be a huge deal, so I am really unsure how to go about this. 
Any pointers would be most welcome! 

I have a similar situation with my 14yo son, my lawyer advised me that if my son makes a statement of intent that he wishes to stay with me, there is nothing the mother can do.

Speak to a lawyer to see if this extends to your sons age. Might save yourself a lot of hassle and cash taking it through court.

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

55 minutes ago, Father Ted said:

I have a similar situation with my 14yo son, my lawyer advised me that if my son makes a statement of intent that he wishes to stay with me, there is nothing the mother can do.

Speak to a lawyer to see if this extends to your sons age. Might save yourself a lot of hassle and cash taking it through court.

No need for it to go to court, the judges take the kids opinion on board from age 12, my son is 13 next month. Unfortunately I have no time for lawyers so will be staying clear but to be fair for aforementioned reasons I don't think court is required. 

Like the idea of the statement of intent, probably worth getting the wee man to put something together. 

Hes wanting to wait until his birthday has passed before I speak to his mum. Also I'm wanting the wee man to visit the school he would go to but I'm not sure if I should be inviting his mum over as well... 

[19QOS19]

Here’s our daughter giving people the Snow White/Princess Leia crossover that Disney have likely been working on since the acquired the rights to Star Wars.

That's a belter of a photo. She look's fair happy. I broke the news to my newborn that she'll be a QoS fan. She didn't take the news too well.

[Honest Saints Fan]

Eldest is currently obsessed with Frozen and because Elsa and Anna's parents die she is obsessed with death. Keeps asking when I'm going to die 

Did also query if you eat lunch and dinner when you are dead. So at least she has her priorities right.

[scottsdad]

Wead a situation like this with my stepdaughter. She is all grown up now and it is all history but ultimately unless there is a residence order by the court in place there is nothing at all stopping the kid from moving in with you. My wife's divorce agreement with her ex-husband said a lot about visitation and the like and because it was part of the divorce she thought it was legally binding. Not true at all! The only thing that is legally binding by the court is a residence agreement.

I don't know your ex's moods and the like but if this is going to be an issue long term, I suggest you tell her he's moving in with you as per his wishes, and then go to court and get the residence order to make it official. The court may appoint someone to carry out home visits and interviews (they did with us) to get the background and make a recommendation. This will set down the provisions for visitation, holidays and so on and neither party can break them without being in violation of the order, and that can carry consequences.

[Andy Dufresne]

Court again on Wednesday,will see if she turns up this time.

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

On 27/02/2020 at 11:20, scottsdad said:

Wead a situation like this with my stepdaughter. She is all grown up now and it is all history but ultimately unless there is a residence order by the court in place there is nothing at all stopping the kid from moving in with you. My wife's divorce agreement with her ex-husband said a lot about visitation and the like and because it was part of the divorce she thought it was legally binding. Not true at all! The only thing that is legally binding by the court is a residence agreement.

I don't know your ex's moods and the like but if this is going to be an issue long term, I suggest you tell her he's moving in with you as per his wishes, and then go to court and get the residence order to make it official. The court may appoint someone to carry out home visits and interviews (they did with us) to get the background and make a recommendation. This will set down the provisions for visitation, holidays and so on and neither party can break them without being in violation of the order, and that can carry consequences.

You're spot on there, I think that's the way I'm going to go about it if she doesn't agree. There is no residency agreement in any form of text so technically it should be simple. 

The wee man wants to wait until after his birthday in 2 weeks time so will probably wait until later in March. I'm hoping I can get him here and in his new school for after the Easter break but no idea how long these things take. 

Edited March 1, 2020 by Ingo ohne Flamingo

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

With the wife out in Glasgow with her pals all day, unfortunately we're not blessed with babysitters so took the chance and took Juliana to her 2nd Clyde game (first one back in September v QoS). 

Surprisingly she loved it! Sat on my lap, watched the game and smiled and clapped along to the singing

Here's hoping she's ends up a wee Daddys girl and wants to go to the football every weekend! 

[CM.]

19 minutes ago, Ingo ohne Flamingo said:

With the wife out in Glasgow with her pals all day, unfortunately we're not blessed with babysitters so took the chance and took Juliana to her 2nd Clyde game (first one back in September v QoS). 

Surprisingly she loved it! Sat on my lap, watched the game and smiled and clapped along to the singing

Here's hoping she's ends up a wee Daddys girl and wants to go to the football every weekend! 

Aye start bringing her all the time if she brings the wins! Let me know next game you're bringing her to so I can stick 3-2 Clyde on  

Edited March 1, 2020 by C. Muir

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

31 minutes ago, C. Muir said:

Aye start bringing her all the time if she brings the wins! Let me know next game you're bringing her to so I can stick 3-2 Clyde on  

Was thinking that myself when walking out of the game

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

5 hours ago, MixuFixit said:

Have weaned wee one off Masha and the Bear after running through the whole thing about five times and our new favourite show is Puffin Rock.

I've got my daughter watching old pingu episodes. You ask her what a penguin does and she does the wee pingu theme tune (the old classic one, not the new shitey one) 

Search for Bounce Patrol on YouTube, their videos are excellent and the wee yin loves it. For Dad's it's handy that 2 of the burds in it are wids. 

[The_Kincardine]

On 01/03/2020 at 06:52, Ingo ohne Flamingo said:

Here's hoping she's ends up a wee Daddys girl and wants to go to the football every weekend! 

She's a wee smasher.  My lassies (though a fair bit older) are both daddy's girls so you're on the right track...