Pregnancy And Parenting

[Jacksgranda]

9 hours ago, RH33 said:

My youngest (6) tried to listen to mine and declared she couldn’t hear it as my boob were too big! (There will be no pics)

[RH33]

32 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

PM

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

For the last month or so my 12 year old son said he wants to move in with me, my wife and his wee sister. At the moment he still lives with his Mum in Glasgow and is with me every weekend. 

He doesn't like his new school (moved into 1st year in August) and he doesn't like the kids at his Mums area whereas here he hangs around with a large crowd who all go bowling, swimming etc every weekend and he hears stories from them about how much they enjoy Larbert High and all the opportunities they have there. Also him and his Mum are forever at each others throats so the point I am getting phone calls every other day. (I'll not go into detail but his mums a workshy rocket). 

Anyways, curious to hear of any Dad's who's kids have decided to move in with them? And more curious if there was resistance from the Mother? I know my sons mum will definitely cause a fuss but legally at 12 he can make up his own mind, but then not sure if I will still need to take it to court if she resists against my sons wishes? No idea. I've given the wee man another month to atleast get past Christmas so he can have a good proper think then maybe get him to visit the local school as it's a huge decision for him at such a young age. 

[Honest Saints Fan]

15 hours ago, .Stuart. said:

At what age do they sleep through the night? Basically up every hour at night right now feeding, burping and changing. Once one is settled the other starts screaming the place down

 

Our youngest is a nightmare with sleep. 3.30am he woke this morning and just wanted to play, stand up and chat. 

[Jacksgranda]

18 minutes ago, Honest Saints Fan said:

Our youngest is a nightmare with sleep. 3.30am he woke this morning and just wanted to play, stand up and chat. 

Tell him keeping quiet is the new talking.

[Andy Dufresne]

Ben-Grandpa my thumb my thumb
Me-i will kiss it better and do it
Ben-No Grandpa i have a boogie on it

I give up

[Chicken Wing]

For the last month or so my 12 year old son said he wants to move in with me, my wife and his wee sister. At the moment he still lives with his Mum in Glasgow and is with me every weekend. 
He doesn't like his new school (moved into 1st year in August) and he doesn't like the kids at his Mums area whereas here he hangs around with a large crowd who all go bowling, swimming etc every weekend and he hears stories from them about how much they enjoy Larbert High and all the opportunities they have there. Also him and his Mum are forever at each others throats so the point I am getting phone calls every other day. (I'll not go into detail but his mums a workshy rocket). 
Anyways, curious to hear of any Dad's who's kids have decided to move in with them? And more curious if there was resistance from the Mother? I know my sons mum will definitely cause a fuss but legally at 12 he can make up his own mind, but then not sure if I will still need to take it to court if she resists against my sons wishes? No idea. I've given the wee man another month to atleast get past Christmas so he can have a good proper think then maybe get him to visit the local school as it's a huge decision for him at such a young age. 

I went through the same thing with my daughter a few years ago. She's 18 now and independent, but back when she was at school she was having issues both at school and at home. She was given the option to move in with me and my wife (she's in west Lothian and I'm in fife so not too far away), we gave her a time frame and I looked at local schools to get her into. She then made the decision to stay with her mother - although I know she wasn't truly happy there, long and short she shat it. I think it was a phase. She was given another chance to move in here but again shat it at the last minute, so that was her opportunity gone as I wasn't continuing to go through the hassle of whether she was or wasn't coming here.

Long winded I know - however let your lad consider all the options available to him, but you must also do the groundwork if he decides that he wants to be with you. Look at schools, out of school clubs, even look at what his social.circle could be with you and present it to him.

Kids of his age and be penickity arseholes*, his decision could change daily but if you let him know that you have looked at all the avenues available to him, he can make a decision. Also be prepared to be let down if he changes his mind and decides to stay put (I know, I've been there!!), but also respect it.

Hope this helps

*I'm sure your son isn't an arsehole, but my experience of mine's at that age is that she could have been!!

[The_Kincardine]

13 hours ago, Ingo ohne Flamingo said:

For the last month or so my 12 year old son said he wants to move in with me, my wife and his wee sister. At the moment he still lives with his Mum in Glasgow and is with me every weekend. 

He doesn't like his new school (moved into 1st year in August) and he doesn't like the kids at his Mums area whereas here he hangs around with a large crowd who all go bowling, swimming etc every weekend and he hears stories from them about how much they enjoy Larbert High and all the opportunities they have there. Also him and his Mum are forever at each others throats so the point I am getting phone calls every other day. (I'll not go into detail but his mums a workshy rocket). 

Anyways, curious to hear of any Dad's who's kids have decided to move in with them? And more curious if there was resistance from the Mother? I know my sons mum will definitely cause a fuss but legally at 12 he can make up his own mind, but then not sure if I will still need to take it to court if she resists against my sons wishes? No idea. I've given the wee man another month to atleast get past Christmas so he can have a good proper think then maybe get him to visit the local school as it's a huge decision for him at such a young age. 

This is a right approach.  It's a massive burden for the wee man and, if it's sensible for him to move in with you, is it at all possible for your ex to make it easier and encourage him? Is she likely to object to any change?

Edited December 8, 2019 by The_Kincardine

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

42 minutes ago, Chicken Wing said:

I went through the same thing with my daughter a few years ago. She's 18 now and independent, but back when she was at school she was having issues both at school and at home. She was given the option to move in with me and my wife (she's in west Lothian and I'm in fife so not too far away), we gave her a time frame and I looked at local schools to get her into. She then made the decision to stay with her mother - although I know she wasn't truly happy there, long and short she shat it. I think it was a phase. She was given another chance to move in here but again shat it at the last minute, so that was her opportunity gone as I wasn't continuing to go through the hassle of whether she was or wasn't coming here.

Long winded I know - however let your lad consider all the options available to him, but you must also do the groundwork if he decides that he wants to be with you. Look at schools, out of school clubs, even look at what his social.circle could be with you and present it to him.

Kids of his age and be penickity arseholes*, his decision could change daily but if you let him know that you have looked at all the avenues available to him, he can make a decision. Also be prepared to be let down if he changes his mind and decides to stay put (I know, I've been there!!), but also respect it.

Hope this helps

*I'm sure your son isn't an arsehole, but my experience of mine's at that age is that she could have been!!

Oh he can be an arsehole obviously takes after me

Aye this is my fear, he's been consistent for a wee while now that he wants to move in with us. I'm going to phone Larbert High tomorrow and see what the script is and if he can visit some point soon. He's got a big social circle here and is a popular kid, I think this is the main reason why he wants to move here, but they all tell him the good things about the school, the languages they learn and the after school clubs they take part in. Govan High has none of them and every week he's telling me certain classes they're doing nothing or watching DVDs because their teacher was off. The lack of subjects on offer is ridiculous but for a school with 450 pupils then it wad always going to be a small curriculum. 

His Mum and I are completely different people and come from different class backgrounds, this is difficult for him. It hurts me greatly that he is classed as a child in poverty, especially when I own my house, hold a good job and have 2 cars out on the driveway plus the holidays we have, but unfortunately you can't run to a court and win a residence order on the basis you can provide a better life. His mum comes from a family of unemployed parents who knew how to work the system, she herself chucked her job when she was pregnant and 13 years on has not worked a day in her life. I support the wee man financially by paying his mum but also buying his clothing, his out of school sports and comes on all our holidays so we make sure he is part of it all. I don't think his Mum has ever been fully mentally there, maybe this is why she's been able to go so long unemployed, no idea. I don't fear for my sons wellbeing under her but I know he's not a very happy boy there and hasn't been for some time. They're forever arguing and every other day I get angry phone calls about his behaviour with him in hysterics in the background, yet with us he is a happy wee boy with loads of pals and a wee baby sister he absolutely dotes on.

You used the phrase shat it, this is my fear and ultimately it's a blind loyalty, my wee lad knows what's best for him, but to pack his bags and move to mines would be incredible pressure on him, I was lucky my folks were together until after I had left the house, me and the wee man's mum have been apart since he was 3 and I really could not Vision myself in his shoes. 

Worth mentioning my wife's parents separated when she was 12 but her dad kept the family home, despite following her mum, her and her brother still went to her Dad's after school everyday as that's where their pals were, at 14 she moved full time with her dad, joining her big brother who chose to go back a year earlier. Both her parents are hard working lovely people but it was more the point she was only going to her mums to sleep. Both lived in Falkirk so was easy enough to see both parents regularly throughout the week, my wee boys problem is his mum lives in Govan and I'm in Larbert. 

I could type for days about this, well done if you got this far

[pandarilla]

Holy shit man, I feel for you.

It sounds like you're doing everything right, and that he would be better off (not financially) with you and your wife.

Like kincy said though, a lot depends on the reaction of his mum. That's going to be the crucial factor in whether this is a smooth process or not.

Keep us updated though, and just remember that kids are bloody resilient wee b*****ds.

[Chicken Wing]

Oh he can be an arsehole [emoji23][emoji23] obviously takes after me [emoji85]
Aye this is my fear, he's been consistent for a wee while now that he wants to move in with us. I'm going to phone Larbert High tomorrow and see what the script is and if he can visit some point soon. He's got a big social circle here and is a popular kid, I think this is the main reason why he wants to move here, but they all tell him the good things about the school, the languages they learn and the after school clubs they take part in. Govan High has none of them and every week he's telling me certain classes they're doing nothing or watching DVDs because their teacher was off. The lack of subjects on offer is ridiculous but for a school with 450 pupils then it wad always going to be a small curriculum. 
His Mum and I are completely different people and come from different class backgrounds, this is difficult for him. It hurts me greatly that he is classed as a child in poverty, especially when I own my house, hold a good job and have 2 cars out on the driveway plus the holidays we have, but unfortunately you can't run to a court and win a residence order on the basis you can provide a better life. His mum comes from a family of unemployed parents who knew how to work the system, she herself chucked her job when she was pregnant and 13 years on has not worked a day in her life. I support the wee man financially by paying his mum but also buying his clothing, his out of school sports and comes on all our holidays so we make sure he is part of it all. I don't think his Mum has ever been fully mentally there, maybe this is why she's been able to go so long unemployed, no idea. I don't fear for my sons wellbeing under her but I know he's not a very happy boy there and hasn't been for some time. They're forever arguing and every other day I get angry phone calls about his behaviour with him in hysterics in the background, yet with us he is a happy wee boy with loads of pals and a wee baby sister he absolutely dotes on.
You used the phrase shat it, this is my fear and ultimately it's a blind loyalty, my wee lad knows what's best for him, but to pack his bags and move to mines would be incredible pressure on him, I was lucky my folks were together until after I had left the house, me and the wee man's mum have been apart since he was 3 and I really could not Vision myself in his shoes. 
Worth mentioning my wife's parents separated when she was 12 but her dad kept the family home, despite following her mum, her and her brother still went to her Dad's after school everyday as that's where their pals were, at 14 she moved full time with her dad, joining her big brother who chose to go back a year earlier. Both her parents are hard working lovely people but it was more the point she was only going to her mums to sleep. Both lived in Falkirk so was easy enough to see both parents regularly throughout the week, my wee boys problem is his mum lives in Govan and I'm in Larbert. 
I could type for days about this, well done if you got this far [emoji85]

There seems to be so many similarities between ourselves! I felt I was able to offer my daughter a better upbringing - although not something I would ever say to her mother (I think she kinda knew it too)

She built up a wee group of friends over here and sometimes I felt that the way they had been talking about their school and the extra-curricular activities offered, she maybe felt the "grass could be greener", however she made her decision to stay- I respected it.

The behaviour thing - I have experienced that over the years : a different animal when with her mum as opposed to with me and my wife. She was diagnosed with ADHD. She has 3 younger siblings (not mine) and often felt that the attention seeking amplified at home as she never had to seek the direct 1-1 attention with us (me and my wife have no other kids). It manifested into school where she was a nightmare but after several consultations with the school it was able to be managed (my wife is high up in the childcare sector so knows where to put pressure on to get things put in place), that seemd to help, however she was a different animal when she was at home to what we got.

It is a lot of pressure for a young person to make such a life changing decision, but without pressuring him too much, show him what positives there would be to living with you. But again don't pressure hfrom, he will be an individual who will feel capable of making his own decisions.

Is his mother aware of how he is feeling and the potential for him leaving to live with you. If so, can she compromise or will she be stubborn about him leaving to live at his dad's? Any stubbornness or ill-feeling could manifest onto the young lad, however if she realises it's for the best she could "play ball"

At the end of the day it's all about your son's welfare, and if you feel he would be better off with you, and he feels the same it is a no-brainer!

(If you need to chat further PM me)

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

48 minutes ago, The_Kincardine said:

This is a right approach.  It's a massive burden for the wee man and, if it's sensible for him to move in with you, is it at all possible for your ex to make it easier and encourage him? Is she likely to object to any change?

Absolutely no chance, I got a text from her a few weeks ago as she seen text messages on his phone telling his pals he was wanting his mum to move to Falkirk, she reminded me that she was not. She also took objection to Larbert high being mentioned and previously I've received lawyers letters telling me to stop talking about moving her as it's unsettling him allegedly. 

There's absolutely no doubt that she loves him, no doubt at all. Is she a good Mother? She's not a bad mother... Just not a very good one. 

It would massively benefit him by moving her, moving out of a deprived area, moving out of the 3rd worst school in Scotland and going to one of the better performing ones, being lifted out of poverty (albeit I don't think that affects his day to day life) and lastly moving into a settled household with his Dad, Step-Mum (she's been involved with him since he was 5) and his wee baby sister. With me and my wife both having cars, he can start going to more clubs and take part in more sports, something he can't do at his mums as she can't drive and she's too lazy to get him to places to the point I either drive through or my mum takes him. The opportunities are much better here but ultimately, it means she doesn't see her son on a daily basis and this will no doubt affect her. 

I don't want to sound patronising but it's definitely worth adding, with the money she gets from me, child benefit (that everyone gets), and the child element to universal credit, she'll stand to lose anything between 400 and 500 a month. A shitload of money to most folk including myself. I've just tried to calculate her benefits on a site and it's suggesting including my payments around 540 a month. That's before she would pay me anything but I wouldn't take a penny, I'd want her to use that money to spend quality time with the wee man when he goes to hers. I remember before I met my wife, being on less than 20k a year and not having enough money to pay for a 2 bed flat to the point between the ages of 3 and 5 he would share my bed when he lived with me, would never want to put her or the wee man in that position. It's hard enough on your own with no extra support... 

Again, I've went on for ages

[Chicken Wing]

Absolutely no chance, I got a text from her a few weeks ago as she seen text messages on his phone telling his pals he was wanting his mum to move to Falkirk, she reminded me that she was not. She also took objection to Larbert high being mentioned and previously I've received lawyers letters telling me to stop talking about moving her as it's unsettling him allegedly. 
There's absolutely no doubt that she loves him, no doubt at all. Is she a good Mother? She's not a bad mother... Just not a very good one. 
It would massively benefit him by moving her, moving out of a deprived area, moving out of the 3rd worst school in Scotland and going to one of the better performing ones, being lifted out of poverty (albeit I don't think that affects his day to day life) and lastly moving into a settled household with his Dad, Step-Mum (she's been involved with him since he was 5) and his wee baby sister. With me and my wife both having cars, he can start going to more clubs and take part in more sports, something he can't do at his mums as she can't drive and she's too lazy to get him to places to the point I either drive through or my mum takes him. The opportunities are much better here but ultimately, it means she doesn't see her son on a daily basis and this will no doubt affect her. 
I don't want to sound patronising but it's definitely worth adding, with the money she gets from me, child benefit (that everyone gets), and the child element to universal credit, she'll stand to lose anything between 400 and 500 a month. A shitload of money to most folk including myself. I've just tried to calculate her benefits on a site and it's suggesting including my payments around 540 a month. That's before she would pay me anything but I wouldn't take a penny, I'd want her to use that money to spend quality time with the wee man when he goes to hers. I remember before I met my wife, being on less than 20k a year and not having enough money to pay for a 2 bed flat to the point between the ages of 3 and 5 he would share my bed when he lived with me, would never want to put her or the wee man in that position. It's hard enough on your own with no extra support... 
Again, I've went on for ages [emoji85]

"I've went on for ages"

No you haven't, as I've said the similarities are there!

You know what's best for your son. Your ex may not, mothers can be rightfully stubborn buggers. No mother wants to think they've failed their child - and I don't think your ex would think that too.

Getting lawyers involved to stop you talking about a move is quite a harsh step. Maybe she's trying to put the frightners on you, but ultimately that would achieve nothing.

[RH33]

i can see all your points and it does sound like he potentially could have a better lifestyle. But eventually he’d be calling his mum as you and him had fallen out. It happens as kids push back on rules and boundaries. So I think it needs be laid out that he can’t then get pissed off at you and bounce back and forth through teenage years.

Plus being full time step mum will change the dynamic too.

It’s tough and there’s no right or wrong answer. If there was neglect etc then different story.

Wouldnt worry, my kids are classed as in poverty as I claim benefits (work 15 hrs min wage term time) and they can have free school meals. Means nothing, well presented, well mannered, bright kids.

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

54 minutes ago, Chicken Wing said:

"I've went on for ages"

No you haven't, as I've said the similarities are there!

You know what's best for your son. Your ex may not, mothers can be rightfully stubborn buggers. No mother wants to think they've failed their child - and I don't think your ex would think that too.

Getting lawyers involved to stop you talking about a move is quite a harsh step. Maybe she's trying to put the frightners on you, but ultimately that would achieve nothing.

Unfortunately historically she has history with lawyers and police. I done 3 hours in a cell on a Friday night in 2011 when I went to collect him, she was refusing access for no reason other than the fact I was questioning things that were causing me concern (he was 4 at the time). She phoned the police saying I was trying to kick her door down, what she didn't realise was her next door neighbour was standing in the street the whole time waiting for his taxi. No charges brought but it was a horrific experience,the 2 coppers were brilliant to be fair and gave me a lot of unofficial advice moving forwards when they took me back to my car from Govan police station. 

6 years ago today (he was 6), a week after I got engaged the police arrived at my mums door with another false accusation that I was preventing my son from returning to his mum. An hour or so of police time wasted and again, the 2 coppers were excellent and very sympathetic. Unfortunately this lead to the hardest year of my life, lawyers got involved and I was prevented access. The demands for reinstatement was utterly ridiculous and I couldn't believe a lawyer would entertain it but for easy legal aid fees, I can believe it. The main one however was to drop my access from every full weekend to 3 out of 4. This from the very same person on a year before would start shouting at me if I didn't have a baby sitter if I couldn't take him one night at the weekend, even when we were together and I worked 2 jobs just to make ends meet, I still had to get my mum to look after him whilst I worked on a Saturday night, whilst she was in the house doing nothing... 

Anyway, I tried to negotiate as not seeing my son for nearly 2 weeks would hurt me. Safe to say the lawyers stood firm by their client. I was stopped from seeing him on Christmas day and indeed he had to wait until the end of January before getting his presents when I decided to stop thinking about me and stooped to her demands so the wee man could have some sort of normality back. Throughout discussions I had asked for access to be resumed whilst we negotiated to allow the wee man immunity from it, this was declined, I also offered to pay an independent lawyer of her choice for mediation, this was also declined. 

After access restarted the CSA wrote to me saying they had been advised of a change of circumstances and asked me to call. Turned out my payments were to remain the same, within a fortnight a new lawyer letter came in, demanding 2 weekends a month rather than1. A coincidence? 

Access was messed about and messed about, my then my mum had started paying a specialist family lawyer as i had been representing myself. 6000 quid she was out of pocket and it got us Nowhere... I would drive to Glasgow on a Friday to get a phone call from my lawyer to say she wasn't giving access that weekend. They were absolutely stunned! 

Father's day 2014, 6 months after the battle started, a battle I did not want and constantly pleaded for it to tend, I was again denied access. Let's just say, if my wife was home from her dad's 10 minutes later, shed have found the completed suicide letter and her husband out the door somewhere, no idea if I would've done it in the end but I was absolutely fucked. Was struggling in work (bosses were amazing with me though), my mum out of pocket to the tune of 6k, my pleads for peace being ignored and my son used as a tool to humiliate and Destroy me, I couldn't cope, I was phoning the doctor everyday and couldn't get appointment, I met with my msp who was excellent, but the letter from Rosanna Cunningham was horrendous. I just didn't see the point anymore and wanted to end it... 

I'm still here to tell the story but I am damaged emotionally because of it, I can't seem to cry in joy or feel hurt at things that should, I just go numb. 

Things improved gradually, I wrote a 7 page from the heart letter to her mum pleading for her help, that was June 2014. Then later as my son got older and more annoyed at what he was seeing, he ran away from his mum and phoned me. He jumped back in my car and refused to get out unless his mum stopped it. After that things have been as decent as they can be, he was 8 by that point, about 2 months before we got married. Lawyers were still in the background but for me it was a guarantee that there would be no access issues for the wedding day, we were absolutely shitting it incase it started but thankfully it never. 

Worth adding by the way, I left his mum on decent terms, I wasn't cheating or anything. And my wife i met her 20 months after splitting and with her coming from Falkirk, they had never known each other before. So there wasn't any bad blood to have caused these events. 

Anyway, in short (no danger ) her sending lawyers letters don't bother me now, they get binned but I havent had one in over a year. 

She will not make this an easy process, deep down she will know he will be better off here but of course she's never going to admit that. What gives me the fear is she can cause a big stinker if the wee man choses to move and I have no idea how ugly it can end up, this ultimately will affect the wee man. 

Edited December 9, 2019 by Ingo ohne Flamingo

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

37 minutes ago, RH33 said:

i can see all your points and it does sound like he potentially could have a better lifestyle. But eventually he’d be calling his mum as you and him had fallen out. It happens as kids push back on rules and boundaries. So I think it needs be laid out that he can’t then get pissed off at you and bounce back and forth through teenage years.

Plus being full time step mum will change the dynamic too.

It’s tough and there’s no right or wrong answer. If there was neglect etc then different story.

Wouldnt worry, my kids are classed as in poverty as I claim benefits (work 15 hrs min wage term time) and they can have free school meals. Means nothing, well presented, well mannered, bright kids.

Your first paragraph is 100%. I've had this conversation with him saying that we will fall out when he's been given into trouble but he can't then go and phone his mum and ask to move back. He knows a lot of work has to be done to make the move possible but he's been reminded that if it's what he wants, we'll make it happen as we'd love to have him full time, but it has to be for all the correct reasons. 

Your last paragraph I feel bad for bringing this up, but I shouldn't because you should be proud of what you're doing, of course poverty is based on an income number but you're out there working to provide the best for your kids and it sounds like you're doing a grand job . I think it's very unfortunate that there are a lot of girls out there who give Single mothers a bad reputation whereas you're a wonderful example of the contrary. 

[Ingo ohne Flamingo]

1 hour ago, pandarilla said:

Holy shit man, I feel for you.

It sounds like you're doing everything right, and that he would be better off (not financially) with you and your wife.

Like kincy said though, a lot depends on the reaction of his mum. That's going to be the crucial factor in whether this is a smooth process or not.

Keep us updated though, and just remember that kids are bloody resilient wee b*****ds.

Unfortunately I dont think it'll be a smooth process. His mum knows now he wants to leave as he let it out last week, minutes after he came off the phone to me asking to move in but I told him to get christmas out the road first. He wasn't long home so I think his mum heard and went and challenged him. 

We had a discussion again tonight when I took him back to his mums, so I hope he keeps thinking and weighs everything up. Of course I could persuade him and tell him how much better it would be here but I think that's the wrong approach. He knows deep down, he just needs to know the practicalities of it all so he can make an informed decision. He won't make many bigger decisions in his young life than this. It has to be right... 

[Busta Nut]

50 minutes ago, Ingo ohne Flamingo said:

Unfortunately historically she has history with lawyers and police. I done 3 hours in a cell on Friday night when I went to collect him, she was refusing access for no reason other than the fact I was questioning things that were causing me concern (he was 4 at the time). She phoned the police saying I was trying to kick her door down, what she didn't realise was her next door neighbour was standing in the street the whole time waiting for his taxi. No charges brought but it was a horrific experience,the 2 coppers were brilliant to be fair and gave me a lot of unofficial advice moving forwards when they took me back to my car from Govan police station. 

6 years ago today (he was 6), a week after I got engaged the police arrived at my mums door with another false accusation that I was preventing my son from returning to his mum. An hour or so of police time wasted and again, the 2 coppers were excellent and very sympathetic. Unfortunately this lead to the hardest year of my life, lawyers got involved and I was prevented access. The demands for reinstatement was utterly ridiculous and I couldn't believe a lawyer would entertain it but for easy legal aid fees, I can believe it. The main one however was to drop my access from every full weekend to 3 out of 4. This from the very same person on a year before would start shouting at me if I didn't have a baby sitter if I couldn't take him one night at the weekend, even when we were together and I worked 2 jobs just to make ends meet, I still had to get my mum to look after him whilst I worked on a Saturday night, whilst she was in the house doing nothing... 

Anyway, I tried to negotiate as not seeing my son for nearly 2 weeks would hurt me. Safe to say the lawyers stood firm by their client. I was stopped from seeing him on Christmas day and indeed he had to wait until the end of January before getting his presents when I decided to stop thinking about me and stooped to her demands so the wee man could have some sort of normality back. Throughout discussions I had asked for access to be resumed whilst we negotiated to allow the wee man immunity from it, this was declined, I also offered to pay an independent lawyer of her choice for mediation, this was also declined. 

After access restarted the CSA wrote to me saying they had been advised of a change of circumstances and asked me to call. Turned out my payments were to remain the same, within a fortnight a new lawyer letter came in, demanding 2 weekends a month rather than1. A coincidence? 

Access was messed about and messed about, my then my mum had started paying a specialist family lawyer as i had been representing myself. 6000 quid she was out of pocket and it got us Nowhere... I would drive to Glasgow on a Friday to get a phone call from my lawyer to say she wasn't giving access that weekend. They were absolutely stunned! 

Father's day 2014, 6 months after the battle started, a battle I did not want and constantly pleaded for it to tend, I was again denied access. Let's just say, if my wife was home from her dad's 10 minutes later, shed have found the completed suicide letter and her husband out the door somewhere, no idea if I would've done it in the end but I was absolutely fucked. Was struggling in work (bosses were amazing with me though), my mum out of pocket to the tune of 6k, my pleads for peace being ignored and my son used as a tool to humiliate and Destroy me, I couldn't cope, I was phoning the doctor everyday and couldn't get appointment, I met with my msp who was excellent, but the letter from Rosanna Cunningham was horrendous. I just didn't see the point anymore and wanted to end it... 

I'm still here to tell the story but I am damaged emotionally because of it, I can't seem to cry in joy or feel hurt at things that should, I just go numb. 

Things improved gradually, I wrote a 7 page from the heart letter to her mum pleading for her help, that was June 2014. Then later as my son got older and more annoyed at what he was seeing, he ran away from his mum and phoned me. He jumped back in my car and refused to get out unless his mum stopped it. After that things have been as decent as they can be, he was 8 by that point, about 2 months before we got married. Lawyers were still in the background but for me it was a guarantee that there would be no access issues for the wedding day, we were absolutely shitting it incase it started but thankfully it never. 

Worth adding by the way, I left his mum on decent terms, I wasn't cheating or anything. And my wife i met her 20 months after splitting and with her coming from Falkirk, they had never known each other before. So there wasn't any bad blood to have caused these events. 

Anyway, in short (no danger ) her sending lawyers letters don't bother me now, they get binned but I havent had one in over a year. 

She will not make this an easy process, deep down she will know he will be better off here but of course she's never going to admit that. What gives me the fear is she can cause a big stinker if the wee man choses to move and I have no idea how ugly it can end up, this ultimately will affect the wee man. 

That's fucking awful, I hate to hear of this shit. I know of a few folk that have access issues, rightly or wrongly. In your case it seems entirely unjust and I am  glad you are here to tell the horrid tales.

I hope it all works out well for you all.

[RH33]

4 hours ago, Ingo ohne Flamingo said:

Unfortunately I dont think it'll be a smooth process. His mum knows now he wants to leave as he let it out last week, minutes after he came off the phone to me asking to move in but I told him to get christmas out the road first. He wasn't long home so I think his mum heard and went and challenged him. 

We had a discussion again tonight when I took him back to his mums, so I hope he keeps thinking and weighs everything up. Of course I could persuade him and tell him how much better it would be here but I think that's the wrong approach. He knows deep down, he just needs to know the practicalities of it all so he can make an informed decision. He won't make many bigger decisions in his young life than this. It has to be right... 

I quotes this one As it’s shorter! I hate it when the kids become the pawns when one parent decides to be an arsehole. Our access is laid out in some document in course of the divorce process. Not that there was much argument. We both agree from the off that we wouldn’t use them. We managed agree holiday divy up and at times help each out. Don’t get me wrong there’s frustration etc at times but that gets discussed with a friend not kids

It does sound like she’s trying get the most maintenance she can out of you! And as it’s legal aid it has no financial impact on her. Nor does she give a f**k about emotion damage she’s doing to her son. 

Now he’s 12 any family court stuff will involve  him so if you’ve laid groundwork and he fully understands options he can answer their questions too.

My sons 12 next year and I asked him recently if he’d want to live with dad, I was surprised as he said he’d actuality like a bit more time with me! 

[Jacksgranda]

1 hour ago, RH33 said:

I quotes this one As it’s shorter! I hate it when the kids become the pawns when one parent decides to be an arsehole. Our access is laid out in some document in course of the divorce process. Not that there was much argument. We both agree from the off that we wouldn’t use them. We managed agree holiday divy up and at times help each out. Don’t get me wrong there’s frustration etc at times but that gets discussed with a friend not kids

It does sound like she’s trying get the most maintenance she can out of you! And as it’s legal aid it has no financial impact on her. Nor does she give a f**k about emotion damage she’s doing to her son. 

Now he’s 12 any family court stuff will involve  him so if you’ve laid groundwork and he fully understands options he can answer their questions too.

My sons 12 next year and I asked him recently if he’d want to live with dad, I was surprised as he said he’d actuality like a bit more time with me! 

Keep at it, he'll get the hint eventually and move out...