Ebanda's Handyman Services

Playoff hopes well and truly buried. On the plus side this season, there was no flirting with relegation. Keep our defence, bring another experienced midfielder in for Callachan to develop alongside and get lucky with a striker and we might have a wee blast at the playoffs next season.

Really good stuff.I'd usually never entertain listening to something for 45 mins but that was well worth it.

Paying good money to stay at a nice hotel and still having to put up with ignorant, noisy fuckers who can't walk through a hallway without having to be heard. Go and stay at a shitty hotel befitting of your selfish, lairy attitude ya fucking bampots. First world problems and all that.

This.If we take 6pts from our next two games I might allow myself to dream but as it stands we're still long shots for the playoff place that's left.

I can't decide about the blonde girl.She looks no' bad but there's something about her that doesn't make her a straight "Aye".

Check yer PMs.

You forgot the bit about the balls and half way up the twanger being dark blue.

I got it at 30 as I was quite content with the way our wee family turned out with a boy and girl. The doctor at the consultation gave me the cheery scenario of my family being run over by a bus to make sure I'd considered everything but the wife got pregnant twice when on the pill so it was the logical solution to cut off supply. The producers of Terminator 2 actually studied footage of my spunk joining up again after it'd been splaffed everywhere so they could perfect the effects for the T-1000.

Get general anaesthetic if offered. I got local and it was one of the worst decisions of my life.You don't feel pain as such but you feel them pulling about at your wires. I'm cringing just thinking about it and I had it done 6 years ago when 30. My balls and half way up my cock were so blue I could have drawn a Scotland badge on them, photographed the whole lot and told folk that I'd met Barry Ferguson straight after a game. General anaesthetic isn't a choice, it's a necessity.

A bit of intrigue surrounding some 'new' young players getting a chance to show what they are capable of may be the only thing that'll keep interest levels up towards the end of the season.

Perfect opportunity to blood a few of the younger guys who will be champing at the bit for first team appearances now. Hopefully this'll stand us in good stead for challenging Rangers for the title next season.

1) Resident Evil (Sega Saturn) - One of those games that I couldn't wait to finish work to get home to play. 2) PGA European Tour (Sega Megadrive) - As above. Would often get home to find my parents playing this, such was it's brilliance. 3) PES series (PS2-PS4) - Nothing more satisfying than a well worked 1 on 1 with the 'keeper finished by a glorious lob bouncing slowly into the empty net. 4) Sensible World of Soccer (Commodore Amiga 1200) - Spent ages as player manager trying to build up the Rovers to become a European cup winning team. 5) NHL series (Sega Megadrive/PS4) - Loved this on the Megadrive and revisited it after my wife got me it for Christmas. It's tremendous.

Pull a pig night in Dundee. Everyone's a winner!

She'd need to keep them in a big jar of formaldehyde though and I'd question her sanity in that case. It'll be your tadger next. In a wee jar of formaldehyde.

I'd like Brechin and Forfar up (Sound fans, good away days) at the expense of Livingston and Alloa.

Itzdrk, get your maw to rig the next competition in my favour and I'll go halfers.

Apologies if this has been posted before.

Fair enough, man. It's nice to have those things to look forward to when wee things are getting you down but they may not get you through more pressing issues.Hope you feel better about stuff sooner rather than later.

I'd think twice before accosting someone armed with a pair of scissors.

Everyone is different but I'd be focussing on booting the arse out of that trip and possibly look forward to booking another wee jaunt when I got back home.I appreciate things aren't as simple as having something to look forward to, mind, but that's my workaround usually.

Obviously I don't know your financial situation but is there any way that you can book a wee getaway for a couple of month's time?I don't go away until October but thinking about having that ahead of me is often the wee boost that I need when I can't be arsed with everyday life.

People who constantly go Barca or Real Madrid online. Total fannys.

This boy can earn massive kudos if he actually signs up as Eugene Thundercunt.

You know what? I'm on Eugene Thundercunt's side. Aye, he looks like he'd wear a shirt with a blazer and he'd probably deny that he'd ever eaten spaghetti hoops and toast as a last resort when he was starving, but at least he's trying to be different. You wouldn't catch this c**t in a pair of shite-catchers and a baseball cap, no siree! God speed, Eugene. God speed.

The amount of fannys who think they look classy because they wear a shirt with a blazer is getting to breaking point. You've eaten spaghetti hoops on toast when there was f**k all else to eat like the rest of us.