The Real Zippy

The Forgotten Highlander by Alistair Urquhart. Very moving read. Summed up the Japs neatly - a truly disgusting nation. Have never apologised for its actions against our POW's and will never forgive that Greek c**t Philip for attending Hirohito's funeral. How Mr Urquhart lived to relive his ordeal is a miracle in itself.

Guy from my work lives in Hamilton as well. He had to get off the train at Motherwell as it would go no further, so had to walk 6 miles from 'Well to Hamilton.

Had to go and stay with the folks in Paisley last night, absolutely no buses or trains were going near Clydebank at all. Thankfully managed to make into work this morning and buses seem to be running alright just now, but will see how overnight conditions are. Pity the poor folk who live out in the sticks, such as Lanark, Carstairs etc. Few folk from my work are from out there and had to be put up in the Jurys Inn, such was the bad conditions on the roads out that way.

Kopperburg is the dugs danglies in the pear cider stakes.

Echo Falls white wine.

Fosters.

Wonder what happened to that other Dutch wummin that played. The wonderfully named Karen Krappen. She was a munter of the finest quality. A cross between Frankie Boyle and Olive from On The Buses.

After the high of Barney-Whitlock I left the pub at 2-0 Taylor. Webster couldn't have hit a barn door all night when it came to finishing. I think Whitlock can give Taylor a game given his finishing prowess, but the first two sets IMHO are key. If Taylor wins those Whitlock can forget it.

Worked wonders when we were introducing Josh to sleeping in his own room in his own cot.

Trust me, it will fly in mate. It only felt like yesterday when my wee boy had his first spoonful of rice, now he is raiding our cupboards looking for his soup and rice pud

Side roads round here in my estate are a fucking nightmare. Christopher Dean would have extreme difficulty in navigating down our street, so badly frozen are the pavements. The old north wind is blowing big time in Bankiesville. No doubt we are getting snow.

Good to see Lewis getting a spanking. He is a tit of the highest order, especially after his recent gamesmanship shite with Gary Anderson.

£300 per week for a holiday cottage is about as far as our budget can stretch. I'm filling in the forms for free school meals for the bairn as I write Arran is a smashing place. Some lovely golf courses as well as Goat Fell. Auchrannie? Overpriced!

Anyone done Goat Fell on Arran? Five hours to the summit having spoken to a mate at work. On a clear day you can see the Ailsa Craig and over towards Ireland. We tend to go to Arran on our holidays for reasons of economy, so hoping to give it a go once the wee one is a bit older and can f**k off on my tod for the day.

Great to see the majestic Tendulkar still going strong. When he made his debut for India at the tender age of 16, I was in fifth year at Paisley Grammar School.

Cannae throw for toffee but watching guys like Taylor at the oche is an education. Makes things look so fucking easy. I'm a fan of the darts of yesteryear. Have a look at YouTube, there is some classic Bristow v Wilson footage on there, in particular where the wee man fae Kirkcaldy claimed his second world title. Absolutely brilliant. Some terrific players in those days like Bob Anderson, Mike Gregory, Bristow, Lowe, Big Cliff etc. Contrary to the belief that Bristow was the man us Scots loved to hate, he showed our wee Jocky the greatest respect whenever the two met, and were good mates. He always said he and Wilson were the two ambassadors for the game. Their battles on the oche were the stuff of legends. My favourite darts story? Wee Jocky was playing a world semi-final against Dave Whitcombe and was well in command. However, the wee man was hitting his doubles hard, well the vodka variety, and the more pissed he became, the less control he had over his throwing. So much so, he threw away his lead and Whitcombe won through. Tony Green went to interview Jocky and he had his back to him when he heard this thud. Tony turned round and it transpired Jocky had fell off the stage completely pissed out his brains Thats when darts was a real man's game. f**k this athletic look and mineral water lark. Bring back the beer and fags tae the darts. I demand a petition

Nah, it would be more like 'Hello Mr Gilmour, its Stupid Arse from Lanarkshire here, listen I've got a ridiculous hare-brained money making scheme, why do you keep spurning me at all turns....................