Andy Möller's Penalty

St Mirren-plankton. Submissively being devoured by the bigger fish. Motherwell- The humble pit pony. Toiling for years in darkness with no real reward and rarely seeing the sunlight. Hibernian-Hyenas. Capable of damaging smaller animals, scrounging on the periphery and when caught by more powerful beasts can expect to take severe damage. Rangers-Hmmm..... probably not unlike bears in that they spend years in the wilderness and get very grumpy at the slightest provocation. Dundee Utd-Camel. Ugly and unglamorous. Toiling for years on a desert for little or no reward. A more exotic version of the pit pony. Dundee-Rat. Capable of causing serious damage and often found playing/living among derelict ruins. Livingston-Spider. Some folk like them some folk want rid of them and they use their homes to trap other insects. St Johnstone-White Rhino. Close to extinction. Rarely seen doing anything of note and fawned over by posh c**ts. Ross County-Deer. Small ineffective and obliterated every few years. Aberdeen-Buzzard. Destroys small mammals. Occasionally soars at height but predominantly found sitting on fenceposts watching everything bypass them. Celtic-Crows. Noisy and irritating in groups. Leave a mess everywhere. Great at scavenging for scraps but when bigger birds come along they shite it. Hearts-Bengal tiger. Beautiful. Dangerous. Hated by most. Been close to extinction a few times.

The bigger question is how will we fit in the 2nd tier in each stand and get the corners filled in?

Fair play to Dundee, they got a point when we should have been out of sight. Nando was horrendous when he came on and any ball into the box seemed to be too much bother for him. Beni was good in the first half but faded in last 20 mins.

Don't think we need to fear Dundee ruining our season. Lets face it, if Dundee were relegated no one would bat an eyelid about missing an away trip to Tayside's premier toilet.

The only thing which slightly concerns me about this game is that despite being unbeaten, Hearts have been slow starters in a few games this season. Theyve got away with it so far but I'd hate to see it continue on Saturday. Hopefully they'll be fired up enough to hammer this lot and give Dundee and their fans what they so richly deserve and have deserved for some considerable period of time.

Thats because Broxburn was and is rife with Old Firm supporters. Yes there are a few Hearts and Hibs fans but theyre vastly outnumbered by the hordes who get buses through to the cesspits every Saturday.

Rangers will fancy this and I would love to see Hearts being able to exploit any gaps in their defence.

I'm sure the plucky provincials will be jaded from their efforts against the ugly sisters last weekend. Hearts will still probably have to overcome the route 1 huddieball tactics usually employed at these far flung outposts before suitably trouncing County with a Boyce masterclass. 3 nil Hearts.

Time for Hearts to hopefully rattle in some goals today...........or even 1....as long as they dont concede any.........

I don't think anything thus far will ever eclipse the Frank Rijkaard spitting on Rudi Voller incident in the 1990 World Cup. In terms of utterly needless and disgusting actions this has to be right up there. I realise its not in Scottish Football but it deserves a mention for its needless stupidity.

Listened to the game on the radio, sounded like Hearts deserved the win. Hopefully there will be more away wins for Hearts this season.

Couldnt sleep for the glow in the sky to the west......apparently its set to continue until next May and is known as the Celtic meltdown... ..

Is Walker injured?

4 nil Hearts, a GMS hat trick and Walker coming off the bench to score a Maradona-esque solo effort. Okay maybe a bit much to ask but any Hearts win will do.

The front runners for this are clearly Celtic after the runaway success of last season. Its hard to see how last seasons comedy show could be bettered however they have continued their rich vein of form into the close season by being left dangling by Steady Eddie only to be cruelly rejected. Like a spurned lover they immediately went on the rebound and have tried to lure in a coach who isnt yet qualified to.......errrrr..........coach.......in Europe anyway. Coupled with no signings on the horizon, a few players leaving and boardroom disinterest it will only take a shoeing from some Khazak goatherders to cement their grip on the title for another season. Next in line must surely be The Dandies, with a much trumpeted new stadium being built, the appointment of the Special One as manager and a strong record of constant under achievement v ridiculous expectations they must surely be chasing Celtic for the coveted title and with their links to American megabucks we can surely expect the arrival of some Caixinha-esque signings any day now but even this may not be enough to catapult them back to the Ebbe Skovdahl glory years. Yes despite early pressure from the Edinburgh titans i suspect the title could be a straight contest between Celtic and Aberdeen.