LauriestonBairn

When you let go of the petrol pump bang on the £10/20/30/40 mark

Arrived at work to an email that stated the male staff shower cubical had to be sealed off...... as someone had shat and wiped it all over the walls!

I'm gutted I can't lip read.

Substitution brought to you by Gala bingo. Legs 11 replaced by meal for two 69.

Dawson park bairn?

Not a Python course by any chance?

Differences in budgets- but only in Europe "He has genuine pace" as opposed to that fake pace

I once bought my sister-in-law a lush bathbomb set. Forgetting that she only had a walk in shower. Weirdest gift i received- I was extremely drunk one night, got a taxi home and was talking so much pish on the way home. Before leaving the car, the driver handed me a book and said "I think you will find this very helpful". I just took the book without looking, went into the house and passed out. I was wakened up by my ex demanding to know why i had brought home a book in Scientology! I gave up the drink for 6 months after that!

First day back after summer at my sons old school. A parent finds a used needle in the grounds of the school, parents are shocked and fuming. One parent starts screaming at the headteacher. He kinda lost himself when he screamed "THIS IS GRANGEMOOTH. NOT A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY, LIKE CROATIA"

Why are folk still trying to dive when we have VAR. straight red for stupidity imo.

Watching 90% of Celtics corners hitting the first man/side netting. Maybe Derek Adams has a point.

Maths, guessing the joke flew over your head though

First time taking part. I have an important exam in January. However, I’m going to study celebrity lists, because this is more importanter

FWIW I didn’t think it was a handball. Player seemed to have his arms down by his side. But not a single Hamilton player appealed the decision, which I thought was strange.