House Bartender

As opposed to Dandy Nichols who also found that death did indeed cause a parting. Uhura - always fondly remembered for winding up right-wing American racists by partaking in that first inter-racial kiss on US screens.

And what's wrong with us old farts arguing in a pub? Only sensible football discussions happen there, young whippersnapper.

Sorry Joey - but was this what you originally intended to write?

I fear that you haven't followed the wonderful innocence displayed by a plethora of posters herein. It's these simple things that mostly make parenting so worthwhile - they stay with you.

It could be a pre-season anxiety barometer, but I'm back in P&B only to find an advert for Andrex waiting for me..

I hope that's the plan. It looks like that wasn't so at the weekend with only 8 efforts on goal (6 on target) and 5 corners against Raith. (League) Cup half empty or half full? I'll keep my whinging and greeting for a few weeks yet.

...which lists 40 names past & present. Remember this is historical, so those who are long gone also remain culpable. And then drill down to individual clubs and then the members, and doubtless supporters. It was endemic and many ar5es need skelping, from top to bottom (pun intended).

There's another problem related to this effect. The Earth's polarity swaps North & South at irregular intervals - this could happen at any time. Every device (or person) calibrated to work in their current hemisphere will require to be traded with equivalent machines from across the great equatorial divide when this happens. Existing compasses will continue to be usable by you must remember to hold them upside down when in use or you may end up descending mountains via the 1000 foot sheer drop to the (new)north as opposed to the steady stroll (new)south. Oh - and the Southern Cross becomes the Northern Cross, the Northern Lights the Southern Lights, the NC500 the SC500 etc etc etc.

Haud oan! It's not failed, it's just dodgy looking sample - there's a huge proportion of these that are just reporting a possible thing to look at - a false positive, but better that than missing things.. So no panic on health grounds. If you feel like panicking however, the Cleanprep or whatever requires drinking 33 litres of heavy undrinkable thick water for 12 hours before - that's hard work. (Slight exaggerations). And it's not a camera - it's a swiss army knife they use. Camera and torch (for obvious reasons), snipping tool and bucket to collect samples of anything interesting such as polyps, tumours or that pack of cocaine that you forgot to drop off to your pal in Barlinnie last week. And sometimes things get held up by the tube not making it round a bend. The best bit is getting to watch the inside of your colon on-screen as they shove the tube about about -vaguely Dr Whoish. They're usually a nice bunch of people who will make you feel at ease despite having to look at your anus. Don't reveal which team you support just in case the operator is a (insert worst possible club here). All the best for a good day out and a good outcome.

Yep. But not a lot worse than persons doon sooth who use hehbs instead of uuurbs. As usual, I guess it's only us who are right and speak proper.

Jeremy's quite right though - it's heritage, innit? Like burning witches, naval press ganging, sending children up chimneys when they're not down mines, tugging forelocks, slavery and only very rich men getting a parliamentary election vote. He'll make a great PM - as indeed would any of the Magnificent 11. (12?). Like a choice of which 11 food poisonings would be the best for you.

It actually looks like a discharge. Hope you're out and about, getting fully recovered and getting decent home food soon. And yes, that first decent mouthful after being hospital-starved for your own good can be beyond description. I'm almost nostalgic for it.

According to the Glasgow Herald, yesterday was the anniversary (in 1872) of the USA patent for the first doughring cutter by one John Blondel - a sea Captain. Allegedly he "invented the hole" (sic), so he could slip the doughnut over the handle of his ship's wheel while snacking and steering. cue Kenneth WIlliams.

Your optimism does you great credit, Joey.