Caledonian

They are where they are thanks to a premature celebration at Palmerston.

Only 10,000 empty seats now. Congratulations.

No. I don't agree that Arbroath looked more likely to score.

Although he was our top scorer last season he scored the princely sum of 11 in the league. His average time at one club is roughly five minutes.

£2.50. Features will be in the 'something for everybody' category.

You believe wrong.

I apologise for my miscalculation. In view of your superior knowledge of the infrastructure at Rugby Park I have reconsidered. I should have stated circa 14,000 empty seats. Once more I thank you for consistently checking in to appraise yourself of what is happening at Ayr United Football Club. Your interest is greatly appreciated.

Congratulations. Only 14,000 empty seats.

The caption says Grant Gillespie but he looks nothing like the Grant Gillespie who played for Ayr.

It's a tough call but I think that the bus seat marginally edges out the bingo carpet.

Ah now that's interesting. That weird initials thing so beloved of Kilmarnock supporters implies we have won nothing. So if you are going to count lower league titles make that nine for us.

Out of interest do you have any trophies at Rugby Park or is it just old photos of them?

In relative terms he was at East Kilbride for five minutes.

......and talking about him graduating to Kilmarnock from Celtic.

Thank you for your continued interest in Ayr United Football Club.

No. The accolade for our worst defender in recent years does go to Scott McKenna. His best position was unused sub. He was a total liability.

It 100% is.

You will settle down after a few seasons at this level. However I do congratulate you for managing to fill about a quarter of your seats. In the meantime thank you for your interest in Ayr United Football Club.

Ayr beat Killie 2-0 in the league in the last season the clubs met in the league.

Yes I do know what a cup is. We have plenty of those. Would you like to borrow a few? Please supply your own polish.

We have three matches before that game. Not too many fans are likely to purchase for a match that's four games down the line. I will be at Rugby Park but you'll have to wait a little longer for my dosh. Sorry if this gives your club a problem with cash flow. Just pawn the Ayrshire Cup in the meantime.

I don't recognise the Joe Chalmers that the Dunfermline fans are going on about.

Have you any plans for the 14,000 empty seats?

The absence of John Doyle makes me uneasy about the Hall of Fame. Also Jimmy Smith who put Ayr United into the Guinness Book of Records.