Barry Ferguson's Hat

Sounds like a great signing but looks like a Slytherin.

Come to think of it, I also spent a few days working as a roadie for Bonnie Tyler alongside a young German lad named Merlin Bender.

I don't mind bilinguals, I just wouldn't want one in the house.

Then why teach them Gaelic?

Gaelic Bread

I've worked on a site in New Zealand where the manager was genuinely named Darrin Paki Paki.

This is a special and joyous occasion, however.

I found there to be plentiful signage in English, although obviously sometimes you'll have to walk into a place just assuming it's a restaurant before blindly ordering something from the menu and hoping for the best. I imagine the amount of signage in English has dramatically increased since Tokyo was awarded the 2020 Olympics back in 2013.

Does he know he can use his hands?

Nah, don't think it's that, mate.

For God's sake don't take them to an all-you-can-eat buffet and proceed to fill your plate with boiled eggs before swallowing each one of them whole whilst looking them in the eye and trying to hold a conversation.

I did the same thing about a month ago. I Spent four days in Seoul then two weeks in Japan but obviously you need far, far longer if you want to do both properly. A lot of people I met in Seoul were there because it was hundreds of pounds cheaper to fly from the UK to Seoul and then on to Tokyo so Seoul was essentially a free trip. I had flown in from New Zealand, but I'm pretty sure it was still quite a bit cheaper to do it this way. I did next to no research into where to go so I pretty much just went to places I'd heard of in Japan so only managed Tokyo, Osaka and Hiroshima, although I went during the cherry blossom so places like Kyoto were off limits as I just couldn't find budget accommodation for the dates I needed. Are you solo-travelling? If you're backpacking and looking to stay in cheap(ish) hostels then I can maybe point you to some decent places. One thing I would definitely recommend is getting one of these pocket wifi boxes from the airport when you land in Jappan. Public wifi hotspots are surprisingly few and far between for a country so technologically advanced with even Mcdonalds and Starbucks (usually the world's best friend when you need internet access) not always supplying a working connection. The Tokyo metro system can be a bit of a mind-f**k if you're in a rush and don't have a lot of time to work out what connection you need to make. Likewise, the Japanese building address system is absolutely fucked so having fully functioning Google Maps would make things less stressful. My lack of research meant I didn't get one of these boxes and just struggled though, which I suppose was an experience in itself, but you'll get more out of the limited time you have available if you know exactly where to go and how to get there.

A second-rate Spanish club would hardly be the making of him. If the rumours are true then he should really be holding out for Spurs or Man Utd.

Trinidad and Todaygo.

For a start, the one in the Jlloyd Samuel thread where I've torn you a new arsehole for it.

The female presenter is genuinely insufferable.

He should stay put. Nothing else in football comes close to Celtic Park on a Champions League night.

I just use bleach to get rid of ear wax.

Steven Gerrard was spotted in Glasgow last week. Maybe Broadwood bound?

The guy in the middle is absolutely tiny.

Liquid Snooker. Higgins must have a cue like a traction engine.

In fairness, it is adorable.

Everyone should be limited to just one post a day.

f**k you you fucking piece of shit.

The audience are utter, utter shitgibbons.