GordonD

The fines for late return must be hellish these days.

Oh dear god, what a horrifying thought.

They had a similar problem with the surnames. 54 households...

Durham, Durham, Durham!

In Durham.

Pah, you youngsters and your computers. Back in the good old days Dave Baxter used to produce all his Meadowbank fanzine stuff on an ordinary electric typewriter. He would type out everything then count how many additional spaces between words he needed to make sure all the line lengths were the same, then type it all out again to get columns justified at both ends.

Barry Manilow found.

The royals know how to hold a grudge.

In the days before the royal wedding the beggars were moved away from the Abbey because they made it look untidy. The royalists were then allowed to sleep out overnight in the spaces left.

Reminds me of this:

Tanna-deechi?

During a visit to Belfast I discovered that you could tell somebody's political and/or religious leanings by whether they referred to 'The Mainland' or 'Across the Water'.

Oh, I agree! I wasn't trying to argue against that, just saying...

As pointed out, Jews would disagree. As ironically would the Germans - their word for 'Wednesday' is 'Mittwoch'(or Midweek) which only works if Sunday is Day One.

With no Facebook I had to talk to the wife. Apparently she doesn't work at Woolworth's any more.

Why is your bathroom floor wet after a shower? And why are you putting your socks on in the bathroom?

That has to be the most inappropriate simile ever.

They probably assumed you worked there.

The guide said it wasn't an uncommon occurrence. I think when it happens they try to play up the 'haunted' aspect and claim that the person must have been sensitive.

Reported for sexism. Why do you assume it was a woman who had the panic attack?

So William Shatner is to fly into space aboard Jeff Bezos's spacecraft. Let's hope they don't give him a window seat!

I was on that tour several years ago. The illusion was somewhat shattered when one of the group had a panic attack and the guide reached into her 16th century skirts and brought out a walkie-talkie to get somebody to come down and take the person up to ground level.