Utter Roaster

Went to school in Kelso. Old dear still lives there but once she's away I'd rather run a grater over my piles than set foot in that shit hole again. They should redraw the fucking border round it so all the English c***s who strangely don't seem to moan about all the free prescriptions they're able to soak up end up back where they came from.

A bit off topic, but when I lived in Aberdeen I occasionally used to visit an Asian shop on King St who had a wee butchery counter at the back. Their chicken breasts were not much more expensive than Morrison's BUT they were far superior 'quality' - didn't give up loads of water and shrivel up during cooking presumably cos they were pumped full of antibiotics.

Rubber nosed

Beating St Mirren in the cup is like making love to a beautiful woman...

Hester on the front page of the Courier according to the Beeb's paper roundup.

My mum fucking loathes him for some reason!

Thought wanking did that?

You're right, my mistake.

One of the Just Stop Oil protesters sentences to 6 months. Same length of time as some guy who chased a couple of career crims who were breaking into his shed and ran them over in his motor. They, meanwhile, got community service.

Never been the same since that terrible accident with the Messerschmidt

Wouldn't wish Alzheimer's on the c**t - then he'd forget he had cancer and AIDS

Cheers for that. Will give Milas a try. Also been to Tahini a couple of times and thought it was decent. Really miss the Twin Cities that used to be on Perth Road

Was out in Dundee last week at Dynamo. Was on driving duty so asked if they had any no alcohol beer. Got a can of Erdinger alcohol free and it was very decent. Looked online and a few supermarkets have it in bottles - worth having a few in for 'emergencies'

Going to be in Dundee at the weekend for a few beers and have a craving for a kebab. Where's the best place, and what other good kebab shops are to be found round the country? Used to frequent the one in Bridge St in Aberdeen runny by Jimmy, or the one on Rose St.

Passed the Kelty supporters bus on the way up the M90 in the oissung rain yesterday. Shame you beat my team, but we'll done and hope you got home safely. Meanwhile @HibeeJibee...

Replays at this stage should get in the sea. Just play it to a finish on the day and stop fucking up the calendar.

Watched Four Hours at the Capitol last night. f**k me, some of these people are just deluded. 'I personally know 2 people who had their votes stolen'.

Get your bird to wear a mask with this on the front

'This little piggie went wee, wee, wee all the way to a series of cushy directorships'

Only broken 90 once since I started again, but thought I was in with a shout today. 5, 5, 3, 5, 3 start... and then the wheels came off. Again. f**k me but my putting is shite, which doesn't help. 5 penalty shots as well due to lost/wayward drives, so if I could eliminate them and sort my putting I *should* be mid/low 80s, and frankly at my age I'd be delighted with it.

New gammon flavour coming soon

Random piece of cookware that looked nice

The Vermin in Ermine

One of my mates from work is in the process of getting an Alphard hybrid imported from Japan. Nae cheap I suspect but looks well equipped for touring.

f**k knows what possessed me to read some of the comments on a BBC have your say, but I did pick up one gem: one poster referred to BoJo as Spaffer the Death Clown.