Steve_Wilkos

Hi all. I shared this story yesterday in the P&B Hospital thread, but thought it might be worth sharing here as well: I knicked my ballsack (where it connects with the base of my shaft) with my hair clippers with a #1 guard on a few months ago. There was blood all over the bath, but I managed to plug the wound with toilet paper before waddling to the kitchen (with my hands cupping my ballsack) to get some plasters.

I knicked my ballsack (where it connects with the base of my shaft) with my hair clippers with a #1 guard on a few months ago. There was blood all over the bath, but I managed to plug the wound with toilet paper before waddling to the kitchen (with my hands cupping my ballsack) to get some plasters.

Erik van Bald has an incredibly shiny head (on account of being disastrously bald).

RE the potential appointment of Mr. David FartInJail, a serious club should never hire a man who proudly said "Tav does what Tav does" after being defeated by the rangers.

That is an amazing typo on that shirt.

Imagine having Joe "Wet Wipe" Newell as your captain.

Did I miss a meeting where it was decided that you have to be a completely unlikeable weirdo to play in goal for England?

Ooh, my knees are killing me. They don't give you much room for manoeuvre, those seats at the Old Kennilworth Ground, do they?

"Strings to Johnson's bow... A) Philanthropist"

You all just got Wilko'd.

Dear Glasgow Saintees and Scumpee fans, Just popped into this thread to remind both sets of fans that Aberdeen FC are bigger than your two clubs combined and always will be. Big_Steve

I live in Teesside and don't have Sky, Virgin, etc.

Anyone else watching on iPlayer? Mine has shat the bed.

The first 12 seconds of this are up there with the all-time greatest comedy clips.

Hi all. New season. New players. New chants. FAO Top Reds attending this match, let's just try to get this one going pre-match to give the reds a lift! Thank you in advance to the Livi tannoy for playing The Smiths' original 3 mins before the teams emerge. [Top Reds behind the goal (TRBG)] Terrible football pitch [Top Reds on touchline (TRoT)] In Livi, it's desolate [TRBG] When in this charming car [TRoT] This charming Slobodan [TRBG] Why dampen Top Reds' expectancy [TRoT] When Clarkson runs smooth in his football cleats [Both ends including Livi fans if they want to] We would lose this match tonight But now we've got Ester Sokler Big Slobadan, is gruesome But if he keeps clean sheets then we don't care AH! A jumped up country Duk, Who feels at home in this place, We said "return of the king" We stole your captain - Nicky Devlin We stole your captain - Nicky Devlin [Livi tannoy then blasts "Lose Yourself" by Eminem as the teams emerge and all four stands bounce in unison]

Still water for the table Crusty baguette slices with real butter for the table Starter: calamari with tartare sauce, white wine to drink Main: Rare (close to blue) fillet steak, accompanied with chips, fried mushrooms, garden peas, broccoli, and English mustard, red wine to drink Dessert: New York cheesecake with vanilla ice cream, pint of Guinness and Talisker chaser to drink

Is that a pint of Neck Oil? If so, you totally neutralised the superbness of the burger. Shame.

"Weegie" does not require the letter "d" and this is an irrefutable fact.

There is a lass at our work who started fairly recently - she is the one I previously alluded to who does not shut up about her kids. She joined our daily team Teams call while she was in the hospital the other week. It was one of the most awkward five minutes of my life, I had to look down at my notepad and pretend to write.

Why are commentators obsessed with Maggots and Becketts?

I often find myself muttering players' nicknames under my breath while watching on RedTV. For example, "Come on, Hayezo lad."

'Stormzy' tried his shtick on AFC-Chat for a while. He truly is one of life's biggest losers.