Girth

We’re really rubbing it in now. That pony Sheridan is coming on.

Agree. Absolutely horrendous player. Looks shite at L1 level.

We look sharp as f**k here.

What’s Benny T’s Fish and Chips like!?

Get these B teams in the bin.

Surely a double on the cards!?

I’m unaware of any high class Chinese restaurants in Paisley so where’s the leathering point Big Man? Thank you.

We have bad form signing players from ICT.

We need to win this and remedy that absolute minter. Jim McIntyre to burst into tears at full time. Thank you.

3-0 against these hoods please Gal. Thank you.

Who the piss is Michael Beale!?

Thursday First night I arrived in Dundee, I met my friend's husband for some pints on Perth Road. Had one in The Phoenix, food and drinks in Tonic then went to Mennies. Some bloke who looked like Postman Pat kept gurning and singing 'Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner' in my ear all night. There was also some Bald Bloke telling everyone to shoosh for some reason. In the side room, there was a group of extremely small but attractive women. Friday Friday was probably the most chilled. I did some cultural stuff during the day (McManus etc.) Had a few in Dynamo then met @Meadow_Jock where we grabbed some food from The Tail End. Back to Dynamo where we met 'The Shetland Pony' who was there to see his daughter's graduation. A small smartly dressed bald man talking in wingdings who switched from being extremely happy to aggressive every ten minutes. He was infuriated when we said he looked sixty. He advised he was a Celtic fan but 'hated all the Irish shit'. I never knew if he found his daughter in Trades or not... Saturday Got to Trades at 11am. I had to neck some water as I was struggling badly. Cheeky vegan sausage roll and then we started in Frews pre-game good crack. I could barely face the pints from the night before. Two pies and a cuppa during the game helped me back on track. After we went to Whites and then The Glens to see some old rockers my mate knew (I was flirting with the barmaid in French for some reason). We went to that awful lodge place in town to see the infamous photo of Saddam Hussain outside their toilets. The place was miserable. Like a living room from the seventies. Felt very dirty afterwards but saw the Saddam photo. Sunday Started at Phoenix around 3ish. Was feeling beyond shite at this point. Drinking and eating slowly. Few froths in there then we went to The Nether Inn to play pool and put some horrible songs on the Jukebox. Then went to Club Bar to absolutely stroll the karaoke and make some friends from Glasgow. Also met a local guy I called The Troll who kept singing AC/DC and kept trying to chat up a lesbian. I had some food from Wee Mexico but they made it extra spicy because I'd fucked them off. Monday Long sober train journey back. I will definitely be back!