Shotgun

Climate change. Hummingbird feeders will be every day objects in Scotland before you know it.

The hummingbird feeders are away for the winter so someone else can have my go.

Milk whisker/frother. Artfully backlit.

There's a Chinese restaurant in our town which has been in business for years despite a) being bloody awful and b) rarely having any indication of customers being inside. c) most restaurants round here not lasting anywhere near that long. I often used to joke about it being a front for the Tongs until an acquaintance from New York explained to me that yes, that's exactly what it is. Apparently they have little restaurants all over the US which is how they wash their cash.

Well, at least that's one thing I don't have to worry about. My 15 are all depressingly chipper with only 23 days to go and I'm facing my first 0 point year. I'm tempted to empty the whole selfish lot of them but suspect that if I do, I'll be deafened by the noise of popping clogs before 2020's halfway done. What to do, what to do, what to do.

I started drinking in pubs when I was 14, got questioned occasionally but was only refused once. From an off-license when I was 19. I remember being fizzing about it because I was trying to get a carry-out to take to a house party. The party was at the top of a big, f**k off hill and the offie was nice and convenient for it. I ended up having to walk all the way back down the hill to a different shop THEN back up for a second time. Grumble grumble.

Vaux Bitter, 28p circa 1977. I used to enjoy how my face started to feel numb after about 3 pints, increasing to total paralysis at around 6. Fast forward 4 or 5 years and 6 pints was a typical Sunday lunchtime.

While I would normally be opposed to the idea of snitching - talk to your manager immediately. "Can I just check something with you Boss? Has the review process changed and I missed it? What's that? It's the first you've heard of it? But Shyster just asked me...how strange." There is absolutely NO way this guy isn't shitting you.

Mrs Shotgun's the same. Spearmint but not peppermint though. Or maybe it's the other way round. I suspect I've been told.

It's good manners to do that during the windup, especially if you're in the pub so your mates can cover the tops of their glasses.

But...Hillary's emails!

He also bragged about being able to walk in on underage girls getting undressed while he was running the Miss Teen USA pageant.

When I was a kid, I sneezed incessantly most days. This was in the 60's and 70's when such a thing was seen as a character flaw, so I just accepted it and never sought any kind of treatment. As I grew older, I (mostly) grew out of it. One time after I was living in my own place, my Mum came to visit and, bless her, did my washing while I was at work. And I had an attack of sneezing the following day, just like when I was a kid. I went out with my girlfriend that night and one of the first things she said was "Fucking hell, your shirt really smells of soap flakes." Yes, all those years, my Mum had simply been over-dosing on the amount of soap needed when doing laundry and this was what I was allergic too. Once I started doing my own washing, the problem went away. Anyway, we've been having some major high winds here this last few days. There's all kinds of crap in the air and for about 3 days I've been in a permanent state of having just sneezed, or beginning the wind up for the next one...which may or may not ever get here. Miserable.

Over the years; numerous artists have asked the Republicans not to play their songs at rallies out of concern that people will assume they've endorsed the candidates or their policies. Unfortunately in practice, there isn't much can be done to stop them. Like their British counterparts, Republicans have no problem with theft as long as they're the ones doing it. A little more amusingly; as Republicans are usually too lazy to listen to the words, or too dumb to understand what they're about, it's not uncommon for them to play songs they 'think' are jingoistic and patriotic when in fact, they're anything but. "Born in the USA" being just one example.

Right but that just means you have to break them yourself before you scramble them. Who has that kind of time?