Shotgun

They're taught to carry their gun on their dominant side, their taser on the other. Not that hard to remember and in fact, I would think it would be very uncomfortable to have them both on the same side. In my considered legal opinion, she's full of shit.

Sadly, I missed this. What were the highlights of the minute’s silence? Anything particularly memorable?

Ah, to be young again. Cherish these days DA.

Didn’t you?

Add 56 years and that was me yesterday.

I think you’re taking this conversation more seriously than I am.

Imagine being the employee who cuts up their food and puts the fork into their mouths for them. Or does somebody chew it first? Holy f**k is that for real? My career hasn’t exactly been meteoric but I haven’t yet been reduced to that.

Nice to meet you. What line of work are you in? I stand in a corridor and open the door for rich folk so they can walk through Really? And that’s all you do? No, no, I close the door afterwards and wait for the next rich person to come along. And you don’t aspire to do anything more than that with your life? Of course I do. My boss says that if I stick at it, in another 5 years or so, I can apply for the post of Light Switch Turner Off and Onner. That’s when I’ll know I’ve made it.

He opened doors for himself. You can’t help but be impressed by that. Does this mean the others have lackeys running alongside to perform this arduous task for them? Serious to f**k. If “He opened doors for himself” is the best compliment anyone can come up with for your eulogy; that doesn’t sound much like a life well-lived.

I forgot about that. Me too. Load ‘em up.

On behalf of a grieving nation; I’d like to say “Git doon, ya b*****d”. Give me those sweet, sweet points.

That stupid frowny thing he does always makes me think of a 6-year old trying to intimidate a smaller kid in the playground. "Don't mess with me, I'm really hard" type thing. I want to tell him how silly he looks and that nobody is impressed. Then I remember that he is no doubt, as hard as nails and I decide to keep my opinions to myself.

One of the many things my Dad and I argued about was me not unplugging everything when I was the last up to bed. Which was pretty much every night. He was convinced it was just a matter of time before the house burned to the ground.