Zetterlund

Nice of Calmac to cook my breakfast on the surface of the sun this morning. I hear they have a deal with the NHL to use their black puddings as a puck.

I encounter this roundabout nearly every day, approaching on the A914 and heading north. Because I'm in the inside lane going round the roundabout, every c**t waiting to enter from the A92 and B995 take this as an invitation to join alongside me, forcing me to join the A92 in the right hand lane. Being in a van, this usually also means all the impatient c**ts in the left lane proceed to undertake me while I'm trying to move back back over. People's brains really do turn to mush at the sight of a roundabout.

If you counted all the goals conceded through making an arse of playing out from the back, vs all the goals scored after 'beating the press', the aggregate score over a season would be about 73-6.

Yup. Going by my hire car experience last year, on approach to a roundabout all lanes are for the exit in all directions. Mental the number of times I had to stop halfway round because someone in the outside lane flew past in front of me when I tried to exit.

PC gone mad innit.

I wonder what cringeworthy, rehearsed soundbite Peter Drury will grace us with at full time.

Trademark defending from Trent there.

The woke left better keep their commie hands off my flamethrowing robot dogs.

This seems normal.

C**ts on roundabouts again. Approaching the Broxden roundabout from the Dundee/M90 direction, c**t in the right hand lane beside me cuts right across my nose as we enter the roundabout and goes left toward Stirling. In what world do you approach a roundabout in the right lane to turn left?

Missed that first time around. Can only assume the OP is an Ayr-based estate agent.

The 7:04 to Haymarket, if God had made cats the size of a brontosaurus.

It's incredible they could actually think anyone would believe such juvenile horseshit nowadays.

Wids in the wids.

Minter of a post from the official Israeli account.

The folk sitting next to me on the bus will just get suspicious if I lay out the tissues beforehand.

Paper straws are woke. https://www.news18.com/buzz/paper-straw-in-a-plastic-wrapper-man-points-out-woke-practice-and-gets-roasted-on-twitter-7101955.html I would like to add a personal PTTGOYN, which is the new woke paper packets for tissues are absolutely useless. They usually don't even open without tearing, and the packet usually falls apart in minutes when carried in a pocket or bag. This may just be down to a poor quality product, but I'd prefer to assume it's because of the Woke Mind Virus.

Do you also refuse to apologise for the mortgage rate crisis?

Ellis Simms is a strange player. Scores some lovely goals, but has such a languid style and never seems to break out of a walk. Maybe he's playing the game in 5-D and I'm just not on the same wavelength.

A right-footed Kevin Pressman.

They've been dining out on that 36-0 vs Bon Accord for too long, it's about time someone shut their pusses.

England goalies, full of banter since at least 2002.

That first touch was unforgiveable.

Heating any kind of hot drink in the microwave is at best strange, and at worst a war crime.

Got a bit of a sore throat and tickly cough today. Me: Think I'll have a Lemsip. My kettle: Lemsip detected, heating to 1000 degrees celsius.