Fae_the_'briggs

Medical research has revealed that excessive masturbation can bring on a form of OCD which shows in the symptoms of the sufferers re-doing tasks which they have just completed.

Medical research has revealed that excessive masturbation can bring on a form of OCD which shows in the symptoms of the sufferers re-doing tasks which they have just completed.

Medical research has revealed that excessive masturbation can bring on a form of OCD which shows in the symptoms of sufferers re-doing tasks which they have just completed.

Medical research has revealed that excessive masturbation can bring on a form of OCD which shows in the symptoms of sufferers re-doing tasks which they have just completed.

The ostrich, "Cliffo", that was part of comedian Bernie Clifton's act, died yesterday aged 45. Cliffo's supporting role in Bernie's act had, over the years, badly affected his posture and he was forced to retire owing to droopy spine syndrome. He spent the remaining years of his life in a Variety Club sanctuary for out of work performing animals. It is understood that Cliffo will be buried in the same animal cemetery as his friend, Rod Hull's Emu.

Either they are of the same order of monks as the South Americans or more likely they are just copying them.

Opening a tin that hasn't got a label, hoping for peaches but getting spaghetti hoops. Serves me right for "shopping" in supermarket skips.

In a gesture to atone for their sins, an order of monks in South America spend two days every year living life backwards. They have to walk backwards for the whole day, eat supper in the morning and breakfast at night. The names of the days they hold this event are called yad samtsirhc and yad sremmusdim. Comedienne Jo Brand and "man of the people" Russell Brand are brother and sister. Jo has said in the past that they are very close and have a lot of things in common including their outspoken views on politics, religion, etc. The main thing that they have in common however is that neither of them are in the least bit funny. Politician, and John Major's former fukc-buddy Edwina Currie is heiress to the Curries lemonade empire.

In his latest memoirs Dick Van Dyke claims that he is not responsible for his dreadful cockney accent in Mary Poppins. When screen-tested the producers deemed his attempts at a cockney accent to be flawless but too authentic for the American market so they hired actor Ray Winstone to dub over his lines. Disc-jockey Johnny Walker is the heir to the Walkers Crisps empire. Briggso

Joss Stone, Scissor Sisters and Paper Lace were in talks to go on tour together as Stone, Scissors, Paper but the idea was abandoned as they could not agree on the order on the billing. The actress Stephanie Beacham is heiress to the Beacham Powders medicine empire.

Frank Sinatra was the Technical Director on The Godfather serious of films although his name did not appear in the list of credits. The Producers offered him $20,000 for his work but the singer demanded a 2.5% share of the films' profits, an offer the film makers could not refuse.

Jackie Collins' unfinished novel will now be completed by a ghost writer. A printing firm had to re-print 10,000 copies of the cd cover for Dido's latest release entitled "DIDO! I CAN'T GET ENOUGH" after a worker with a grudge inserted the letter "L" into the middle of the singer's name. Five thousand of the cd's had already been released before the error was noticed. There were no complaints received. Copies of Kate Humble's illustrated book, "My Family Of Rabbits And The Pleasure They Give" had to be taken off the Animals and Pet section shelves in Libraries and Bookshops and moved to the Adult Literature section following a mix-up regarding the book's content.

Television newsreader James Mates is the heir to the Mates condom empire.

table

privacy

I pay vehicle licence tax, which has commonly been referred to by drivers as "road tax" for years.

systematical

Do you put horse dung on your rhubarb? No I put custard on it like most people. Boom! Boom!

Continent

Japan

Why is it an offence when dog owners don't scoop their dog's poop yet horse riders can let their beasts deposit large mounds of crap without having to clean it up.

The superior attitude of cyclists who think they have more right to be on the road than motorists because their mode of transport is more environmentally friendly. Come back and be superior you p***ks when you: a) sit a compulsory competence test before going on the road; b) pay some road tax; c) get insurance; d) have you bike checked annually for roadworthyness; e) use the cycle lanes when they are provided and not the road; f) obey the road signs like stop, give way and one way street signs. There was one of these superior types on the radio a few months back who wears a camera on his helmet (cycling helmet, not his willie) so he could film offences by motorists to show to police. No real problem with that as long as he also filmed bad behaviour by other cyclists too. Anyway his parting remark of the interview was that "cycling is a right open to all whilst driving a car, etc, should be regarded as a privilege that should be earned". I rest my case.

Countdown's Rachel Riley and Australian singer/actress Holly Vallance are distant relations. There are actually no Iceland stores in Iceland but there are five Farmfood stores on the Island. The David Soul hit, Silver Lady, was adopted as the National Anthem for the Pacific Island of Etish-o-Daol, which translated loosely from the Maori means Old Grey Woman.

In some villages in Nepal it is the custom for couples to call their first-born child by the first name of the mother irrespective of it being a boy or girl. Actors Stacy Keach, John Wayne ( real name Marion Morrison) and wrestler Big Daddy (Shirley Crabtree) were named this way in recognition of their families' Nepalese ancestry. The kd Lang Wildlife Park in North America only has one type of indigenous creature in captivity and only allows female members of staff to tend to them. This follows research that suggests that the females' treatment of the beaver is gentler and more considerate than the rough handling often demonstrated by men. Some beavers even refused to let a male member near them.

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