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Everything posted by Fae_the_'briggs

  1. The late actress Molly Sugden, a rather straight-laced lady who played Mrs Slocombe in the sit-com Are You Being Served, received a 50 pounds bonus payment every time she talked about her pussy. Although frequently referred to in the show, viewers never actually got to see Mrs Slocombe's pussy.
  2. Bones in supposedly filleted fish. Puts me right off. Also being given chicken wings to eat, mostly skin and bone, you need at least 20 to make a decent meal wi' a big pile of chips on the side.
  3. He has had a couple of shaky performances recently at right back, poor defending, slack passes giving possession away, dodgy pass backs, etc. Just doesn't seem to fill the supporters with confidence. Maybe better in the middle of defence but being used on the right when we play as a three man defence.
  4. I had 2 x Type 3's this morning, one sinking and one floating, what's that all about? Should I seek medical (or psychiatric) advice. Getting rid of floaters can be a b*****d.
  5. The building of the Great Wall of China was stopped when it was only 20% complete after Planning Regulators discovered it had been built 60cm higher than the size on the plans. Work was delayed for over 5 years while negotiations were held seeking retrospective planning permission for the wall to continue at the same height. After lengthy discussions and the mysterious disappearance of several Planning Officials it was agreed that the wall would continue at the existing height. It is a serious offence to skateboard or roller skate along the top of the Great Wall but cycling is permitted.
  6. The Complete Book of True Scots. (Obviously I didn't read it.)
  7. Either J.K. Rowling or the big fat slob in Austin Powers films or Shrek.
  8. This newish caring attitude at the end of plays or soaps where a voice says "If you've been affected by the events in tonight's programme call our counselling line or the Samaritans." Get a grip, it's fiction and if you're that easily upset don't watch it.
  9. Following rowdy demonstrations and a 50 signature petition being lodged opposing 100 wind turbines being built on the Isle of Skye, the developers, Trapped Wind Solutions, were finally granted permission to go ahead after they changed the plans to build the turbines to look like Dutch windmills.
  10. The reason behind the way a dartboard is numbered has prompted many theories but until 1910 the numbering on the boards was not uniform. Before that date there were no fixed numbers around the board, only the position of the inner bull and outer bull were constant. Before each match the players would take alternate turns at picking numbers 1 to 20 from a hat and as they were drawn the numbers were pinned around the board starting at the top and going clockwise. The match was completed with the numbers in that position. This procedure was repeated at the start of every match so the numbers were very rarely in the same position. Things changed at the 1910 World Masters Championship held in the back room of the Speckled Cock in Dewsbury where reigning champion Stan Whigmore met Alfie Crabbe in the Final. Both men had been darting and drinking all day and by the time the Final came round they were both pretty inebriated. It took them over an hour just to draw the numbers and pin them around the board as they kept nipping to the loo or the bar. Unfortunately by the time the numbering procedure had been completed the Speckled Cock's late licence time was up leaving no time to play the Final. The incident was widely reported in the Worlds sporting press and the Dewsbury Herald forcing the organisers, The World Darts, Dominoes and Table Skittles Federation to rethink the numbering policy. That's when the decision was made to have the boards numbered uniformly. As the unplayed Final was the last time that numbers had been drawn from a hat it was agreed that future dartboards would be numbered the way they had been drawn for that Final. All dartboards now use the Whigmore/Crabbe numbering system.
  11. Reminds me of the old joke about the septic tank drainage lorry that had a sign which read: No stools left in this vehicle overnight.
  12. Movies for Men channel hardly has any "arousing" films on. When I went to report this at the Trades Description Office they were not very helpful even implying that I slept rough 'cos they dismissed me saying "nothing we can do so get lost you dosser". At least I think that's what it sounded like.
  13. Sam Janus Womack's father was the owner of a firm that hired out fancy dress and sold toys. He had to abandon his early marketing slogan "HUGH JANUS FOR HIRE, TOY AND FANCY DRESS SPECIALIST, DISCOUNTS FOR GROUPS" when he was inundated with time-wasting calls from the Houses of Parliament and parts of Brighton.
  14. We are probably still in 5th because the teams below us must be worse than we are which is saying something. Why should the Manager not be judged on games against Rangers and Hibs. If he chooses to play players out of position or leaves better qualified players on the bench then his judgement deserves to be questioned. Agree it is far too early to be calling for his head but I'll bet even the Chairman will be monitoring the situation closely. Most supporters actually pay money and travel long distances to go to games and don't have to peddle the Club line so they are within their rights to voice their concerns.
  15. Kidd went from a regular starter last season to regular sub at the start of this season and when he did get on he was played right back or in midfield, why the sudden urge to convert him to a striker when there are proven goalscorers on the bench. I've not been very impressed by Hutton in the few bits and pieces he has played for us but must admit that yesterday, of those on show, he was deserving of a MoM award, the sponsor must have been on the electric soup if he thought Higgins' was a worthy winner. Even the normally reliable Marshall was hemmed in for most of the game. Maybe a bit early to call for the Manager's head but he must find his best available starting line-up and a formation that they are comfortable with.
  16. Channel 5 scheduling a night of old Christmas programmes/films last night and some more on again today. What's that all about? Taking the piss or what. BTW, what is the correct way to pronounce "schedule" ? I usually pronounce it like skedule but some folk say that is the American way and the correct way is to say it like shedule.
  17. Felicity Kendal, she of the pert bottom and past winner of Rear of the Year, (ah wid) is heiress to the Kendal Mint Cake empire. The cake company was actually one of EH's sponsors on his Everest climb but withheld a large part of their money when Eccles Cake wrappers were found at base camp. These type of wrappers are not to be confused with the latest Eccles Cake advertisement which features lyrics sung by Eminem.
  18. Just shows the difference in the Managers attitude and approach to the game, Hibs were defending a two goal lead, we had a corner yet Hibs still kept two players upfield. When we are defending corners it's all players back with no-one left up if the ball is played out. Three at the back isn't working, at least with the three that were in place today, right back especially is a problem position.
  19. Saved specially for the visit of yourselves, and don't be so hard on yourself I'm sure you're not really that much of a diddy. To be fair we only get in fresh pies after we've won a game so it's no surprise that yours was a bit off.
  20. Although Sir Edmund Hilary received great acclaim as the first man to climb Mount Everest, the details of his descent are far less publicised, probably because he didn't actually make the descent. He was airlifted off the peak by helicopter suffering from altitude sickness and inflamed piles aggravated by wiping his arse with yellow snow. Through a sense of loyalty and a big bung of cash the other members of the climbing party agreed not to divulge this information which has only recently come to light under the freedom of information act.
  21. A survey has, somewhat unsurprisingly, revealed that carrots are the most popular vegetable grown in convent gardens whilst another survey reveals that the nuns eat less carrots than other vegetables. They give most of them to the poor and needy you dirty minded lot.
  22. Actress Lilian White decided to change her name after people started to use the phrase "going for a Lilian White" as rhyming slang for going to the toilet. Unfortunately she was ill-advised on the name she changed to as she became known as Lilian Gish.
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